this is great i dont have any critsism about this one
It’s a mighty cliff and quite a fall
But after all we’ve been through
A powerful three words were shared
Then another three just to say how much we care
So it’s only right, but not at all fair
That there’s another set of three
I take your hand
And image someone saying I hope you understand
No, that’s not right
It will be something closer to
We saw this coming now it’s becoming true
“See you later” one will say
Then the other will follow
Knowing there’s nothing else
And no reason to delay
The foreseeable truth
The sorrowful future
You take three steps away
And I can see you holding me
I can feel the way we kiss
And the playful nature
It started out with
I want you, as simple as that
I need you, as a matter of fact
I love you, I love you
Those three statements, I’ll never hear again
But every time I think of you
I’ll have to remember when
You took my hand, and said
“We saw this coming, and it’s becoming true,
But never doubt that I loved you”
I cried and replied, “See you later”
You squeezed my hand and just to say,
Something along the lines of an apology
I got three years with you
I wasn’t always by your side
I couldn’t count how many times you made me cry
But at the end of the day
We fell in love with one another
Just to say
“See you later”
Because nothing else can portray
It started out with
A simple hello, a goofy smile
And I was hooked to soon
You took three steps away
And I can see your future
Enjoy it without me
Hi Snowberry! This is a really interesting topic. It's love, hurt and acceptance all rolled into one, which is unique because most writers choose just one of those topics. I love how your character is resigned to the fact "I can see your future/Enjoy it without me". This makes your poem have a different feel. Instead of anguish over loosing a loved one, it leaves me with kind of a slightly sad aftertaste.
Now, I can tell you are trying to make this rhyme; at the moment that is not working out. You need to decide how you are going to rhyme: all lines, pairs, first and third, second and last, etc. When reading a poem, you should be able to sink into a natural rhythem, and I can't yet do this with your poem.
You may not have to have this rhyme at all. The parts that don't rhyme sound just as good as the parts that do!
Also, the forced rhyme is making it harder to write your poem in general (trust me, I've sat for hours trying to think of how to include that certain word!).
I am not going to point out anything specific, as there is much work to be done still.
Good luck!
Sage
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