Cold sensation takes over
My lapse of judgment appears
I can feel dismay’s hand on my shoulder
As he walks right over to me
We’re going to do everything we can
He says as I go to grab your hand
An empty seat is what I feel
I almost forget why we even came here
What can I take back?
My words, my actions, all of my mistakes
I beg and I plea but there’s no answer
Knockin’ down every door that I can
But what’s gunna be enough?
I cry and I pray that you will get the chance to see
Everything but what’s comin’ over me
And I stay strong, tellin’ you were gunna move on
From this
And I hold out, knowing it’s hard to resist
The dismay, so I never ask you
What can I
Ooo
What can I
Ooo
What can I
What can I take back?
My words, my actions, all of my mistakes
I beg and plea but there’s no answer
Knockin’ down every door that I can
But what’s gunna be enough?
I’m sorry there’s nothing we could do
But please know our prayers are with you
No, I scream, I need more time
I don’t even want to write the next line
What can I take back?
My words, my actions, my mistakes
I beg and plead but there’s no answer
I even tried knockin’ down every door
Still no answer
There’s nothing I can take back
My words were spoken, my actions chosen
And every mistake I made, I’m planning’ on learning from
The hand on my shoulder doesn’t belong to dismay
But her mother felt his grasp
And when she asked what she could take back?
Her mother said don’t you dare touch a piece of our past
And in her last breath, she made every bit of emotionally heart wrenching sense
Don’t worry about me, he only takes the best
That he did, when he took you from me
I want more time, and I’m still scared to write my next line
For you
But if you were here
I still wouldn’t dare to ask
What can I take back?
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140,859 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
I really wish I could hear how the melody goes. I love the imagery and the metaphorical touches. You're a great songwriter! Keep up the good work.
Okay, I HATE the three line's that are all "What can I/ooo etc. My friend, who helped me right the piano piece while i played it out on guitar told me to put it in hahaha. Thank you so much for the commenet's guys!
HO HO!!!! Here's a good poem! Dogs here just with a couple pointers. FIrstly, the metaphors you used are awesome! I especially like it when you say "i can feel dismay's hand on my shoulder" very good use of personification. And then my all time favorite is the last stanza when you say "but if you were here/I still wouldn't dare to ask/what can i take back?" puts a really awsome feel to it and it changes our previous thought of the narrator.
However i do have a small thing to point out. At some times it gets a little repetative, i suppose it can either take or add to the poem depending on how you look at it. In my opinion it takes away because it throws off the rhythem. Others may think different. But when you say "What can I?/Ooo/What can I?/Ooo/What can I?/Ooo" it makes me want to throw up its so cheesy. Lol not to be mean or anything its just at that point im like this is way to reptative and it totally throws off the rhythem. I think you should takes those three lines off.
Anywayssssss..... i love the poem overall and i think this is an AWSOME piece of work. KEEP UP THE AWSOME WRITING!!!!!
TuckEr EllsworTh
Wow. I was really impressed by this. It flows really well, and got me really interested. I wanted to read more, and I didn't get bored. This would make a really great song - I wish I could hear it! I like the theme about making mistakes, because most everyone can relate to the feeling. I think this had a lot of emotions in it, and that's a really important thing with poetry and songs. This was great!
-Dai