This is the first poem I ever read from you, (or at least I think it is) and you really really seem to have potential. What really struck me in first place is the description. The way you wrote it reminded me of the silence of the lambs. Not because it’s anything about cannibalism or psychopathy, no. What really reminded me, is because the movie describes the semi antagonist as a monster. Someone so horrible and terrible- a real animal I think one of them said. There’s this whole build up to the expectation of seeing this person as someone hovering above insanity, and just like the movie; your description builds our expectations. We expect to see waves of emotional sentences that would pull on our heartstrings and mark us deeply, we expect to see something about pain and love- a passionate description of depression- and just like that movie which shatters our expectations when we see a totally normal looking guy, you shatter our expectation with these brief words. No imagery no complicated words no nothing.
Sleep
Lacking
Emotion
Devoid
That’s how you begin. That’s how you make us go “wow.”
What’s really gorgeous is how you seem to know personally depression, I’m not saying you’re depressive; I’m saying you know very well or recall maybe most of it (if you ever were) because when people make poems on depression, it’s this sighing melody. It’s not about depression, it’s the thoughts you get long after that depression is cured. But you really take us in the heart of depression. We feel it. The lack of emotion in your words, the hollow way your words ring- that’s depression. And that’s what so beautiful. The evolution is remarkable as well. In the structure I mean.
You pass from single words, it’s really like the bottom of depression single words. When you start having two, three words by sentence; we logically think “oh, that means he’s curing from his hollowness.”
But once more there’s a descent at the end. Back to the starting point of single word with “distraught/everywhere” much like what depression is. Always turning around again and again.
Points: 0
Reviews: 109
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