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Hollow

by salia4


My mind is loud,

but I am not thinking

My eyes watch,

but I am not seeing

I am alive,

but I am not living

I can move,

speak,

breathe,

but I am not in control.

The reflection in the mirror

may have my face,

but it is not mine;

as my soul no longer lies

just beyond my eyes


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Points: 23
Reviews: 5

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Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:43 am
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Serty wrote a review...



This is a beautiful poem. I can relate with this. The structure of this poem appeals to me, with the nice rhythm it has as well. It demonstrates this sort of detachment the individual is going through which is very expressed in this piece. I love"I am alive, but I am not living" and the "reflection in the mirror may have my face, but it is not mine"
This piece is nice.
I encourage you to continue writing. It is impactful.




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9 Reviews


Points: 542
Reviews: 9

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Thu Jul 11, 2019 8:36 pm
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kingopossum wrote a review...



I loved this poem! The structure is nice, and as someone who struggles with some level of depersonalization, I could relate a lot. I love your word choice, especially in the lines, "My mind is loud, but I am not thinking." The poem's rhythm is really nice, and I enjoy the varying line lengths. The ending two lines are a great point to end on, and really get the message across.




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117 Reviews


Points: 38
Reviews: 117

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Thu Jul 11, 2019 8:21 pm
Katnes wrote a review...



Katnes here with a review This review is not intended to offend or hurt you or make your novel seem bad. But be warned you may feel offended anyway.

Praise
I.M.H.O This was amazing. I liked the way you structured it such as this line

my eyes watch but I'm not seeing.
I believe this is going on the literary spotlight.
___
I detected no problems other then the fact that you might want to use more capitals.
Keep writing! Keep posting!





Cheat your landlord if you can and must, but do not try to shortchange the Muse. It cannot be done. You can’t fake quality any more than you can fake a good meal.
— William S. Burroughs