Life is full of happiness
Lifeis full of sorrow
It’sthe yin and yang of life,
that leads today,
into tomorrow.
When I was 7,
I saw my dad for
the last time, I hug him,
I tell him,
I’ll wait
When I was 8
my little brother was born,
I held him in my arms
Beaming from ear to ear
He was asleep
I was waiting
When I was 12
I started middle school with
No smiles, no friends, only hate
They call me a witch
But through my pain,
Hope still shines,
So still, I wait
14
still growing
Still learning
Yin and yang keep me going,
Keep me waiting
I miss my dad
I miss my grandpa, taken
By cancer and diabetes,
I miss when there was
Less yin than yang
I miss the times when
all I felt was joy
Now all I feel
Is pain
And still, I wait
I carry my family
I clean, do laundry
Cook and care for my siblings
But, above all
I wait
I work hard
do well
But it doesn’t keep at bay
The pain and tears, but I know
I must keep going
I must keep waiting
Perhaps it’s for the chance
To be a kid once again
Without responsibilities
To be free
To be happy
Maybe it’s for something more
To be valued, important
To be listened to
To be respected
To be someone
All I know
Is that I wait
Perhaps I wait
For the impossible
To see my dad,
to see my grandpa,
To fill this hole in my heart,
Where they once stood
But now they are gone.
But I still have hope
And still I wait
I wait
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140,072 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Hiya salia!
I'm here to review your work, like I said I would ages ago over here. I'm so sorry I took so long!
Alright, I love this poem! It definitely has a lot of feel in it. I can sense how down this person is feeling. You've added just enough sorrow, that it doesn't seem depressing, but I would like to see a bit of a positive side to this. Because, there's always a positive side to things, ya know? You've done the hope stuff, but a bit more of that would be reassuring, and less concerning.
I have just a few critiques -
Just a space between "Life" and "is".
Space between "It's" and "the".
Other than that, this poem was great! I'd love to see more of these. If you have any questions, feel free to reach out to me. And if this is in your POV, then you can shoot me a PM if you feel like talking. <3
Keep on writing!
~Liberty
Wow! You've really done a great job. The reader can actually feel those emotions. The whole poem is amazing. Just didn't get this- why did you start middle school with hate? I mean, ok its personal choice and even i wanted solitude during that period. Bit then when i look back at it- it was a remarkable stage. So many friends if you take the initiative to start the conversation. Never mind!
Returning to the point, the rhyme in some unexpected places was just so beautiful.
Only one critique- there are typo issues in the starting of the poem. But I'm sure youll fix them.
Besides this you've done a really fantastic job. I can feel your pain, the sadness, the despair, the burden, the expectations, the hopeless period- well, everything! Even though all is not mentioned. But then a poem is SUPPOSED to do that wonder,isnt it?
To fill this hole in my heart,
Where they once stood
But now they are gone.
But I still have hope
And still I wait
I wait
I personally liked this part best because it sums up the whole idea of the poem. It is so emotional, especially the first two lines. And the never- ending hope always gives us reason to be happy
Nice job indeed!👍
NICE JOB!!! How did u write it like that.So many emotions.It felt real
P.S:Pls Check out my work,i am sure it is as good as yours.
What a nice poem. I could feel your pain and sadness as it went on. I felt the story in the poem and it really made me think about horrible pain and suffering to come out on top, and in my opinion you have, came out on top. I could really tell the horror you have felt in your life which utmost inspires me. The only tiny error I could find (as I am a person of not just pros, but cons) was just the spacing at times or full stops, but that really doesn't matter. What mattered was that you have suffered and have lost loved ones and have had to work so hard. I respect you.
What a nice poem. I could feel your pain and sadness as it went on. I felt the story in the poem and it really made me think about horrible pain and suffering to come out on top, and in my opinion you have, came out on top. I could really tell the horror you have felt in your life which utmost inspires me. The only tiny error I could find (as I am a person of not just pros, but cons) was just the spacing at times or full stops, but that really doesn't matter. What mattered was that you have suffered and have lost loved ones and have had to work so hard. I respect you.
What a nice poem. I could feel your pain and sadness as it went on. I felt the story in the poem and it really made me think about horrible pain and suffering to come out on top, and in my opinion you have, came out on top. I could really tell the horror you have felt in your life which utmost inspires me. The only tiny error I could find (as I am a person of not just pros, but cons) was just the spacing at times or full stops, but that really doesn't matter. What mattered was that you have suffered and have lost loved ones and have had to work so hard. I respect you.
It was a nice poem and I felt the pain in it as I was reading.
Ok, this was amazing...
I don't know if this is really about you or just a character you made up, but if it is about you and you're really looking for something to make life make sense...
I don't wanna be like "U NEED JESUS" and expect it to fix everything, and you don't have to read this, but if you want, just pretend for a second. Pretend like you've never heard of Jesus before. Throw out everything people have done in His name, good or bad, that might influence you, and focus on what we know.
1. He existed. If you believe in Julius Caesar, it's because we have proof that Caesar existed. And there's even more proof of Jesus having existed.
2. He lived for 33ish years and taught people stuff.
3. He died. Killed by people who didn't like what He said about corrupt authority. They had no idea of the biggest reason for His coming.
4. God made people with great worth, but we aren't perfect. We act like this is fine, but it's not. People do wrong things, so the world is a mess. Heaven can't be a mess, so shouldn't people go to hell? True. Unless we know we're not perfect and we're sorry. Some are. But being sorry doesn't make up for all the crap that's in the world, bombings and wars, et cetera. The people who cause anything wrong (whether it's a kid crying or some people dying) deserve to die. Somebody has to die.
5. Jesus died instead. You may not understand how this makes up for everything we've done. But it does. We have to be sorry. Check. Somebody has to die. Check.
6. He came back. Because He didn't deserve to die, there was no reason for Him to stay dead.
7. People say Christians are bigots or traditionalist. Not really. I respectfully disagree with people of other religions or lack thereof. I know people of other worldviews who respectfully disagree with me. Please don't get offended by this. Maybe you won't read it. If you do, I hope this might help. Because a lot of people live not knowing what makes life worthwhile, but everyone should know that God exists and made us to be with Him.
Sorry, I don't know why this showed up twice, and I just found out that this is from the POV of a character you made up, but maybe your life still needs meaning, idk
It's actually about my life, but thanks for your concern, I did read through your comment, and I did find reassurance in it, thank you
Ok, this was amazing...
I don't know if this is really about you or just a character you made up, but if it is about you and you're really looking for something to make life make sense...
I don't wanna be like "U NEED JESUS" and expect it to fix everything, and you don't have to read this, but if you want, just pretend for a second. Pretend like you've never heard of Jesus before. Throw out everything people have done in His name, good or bad, that might influence you, and focus on what we know.
1. He existed. If you believe in Julius Caesar, it's because we have proof that Caesar existed. And there's even more proof of Jesus having existed.
2. He lived for 33ish years and taught people stuff.
3. He died. Killed by people who didn't like what He said about corrupt authority. They had no idea of the biggest reason for His coming.
4. God made people with great worth, but we aren't perfect. We act like this is fine, but it's not. People do wrong things, so the world is a mess. Heaven can't be a mess, so shouldn't people go to hell? True. Unless we know we're not perfect and we're sorry. Some are. But being sorry doesn't make up for all the crap that's in the world, bombings and wars, et cetera. The people who cause anything wrong (whether it's a kid crying or some people dying) deserve to die. Somebody has to die.
5. Jesus died instead. You may not understand how this makes up for everything we've done. But it does. We have to be sorry. Check. Somebody has to die. Check.
6. He came back. Because He didn't deserve to die, there was no reason for Him to stay dead.
7. People say Christians are bigots or traditionalist. Not really. I respectfully disagree with people of other religions or lack thereof. I know people of other worldviews who respectfully disagree with me. Please don't get offended by this. Maybe you won't read it. If you do, I hope this might help. Because a lot of people live not knowing what makes life worthwhile, but everyone should know that God exists and made us to be with Him.