Evelyn,
There's a song by Paramore, Decode, where I believe there is a line that goes ...
"....how did we get here? When I used to know you so well..."
And it's a line that goes through my head every time I see you. Take this afternoon for example; when I saw you walking down the hall and I couldn't help but remember how we used to be. I looked at you, hoping for some kind of acknowledgement, nothing special, just a small smile, or a nod, something, anything that would let me know you remembered too. Like most days though, you kept your head down, and kept walking, making us look like the strangers I now realise we have become.
I'm laughing right now though. Do you remember in first year, when we were quiet and shy and even smaller than we are now, how much we missed primary? It seems like such a daft thought nowadays, but for those first two months we missed primary school more than anything. Seeing you today made me remember how often we used to walk down that very hallway, together, complaining about how much we wanted to go back to the familiarity of the only school we had ever known, with its bright displays and smiling teachers. High school was a labyrinth, a strange new land filled with tall people with alien faces. I don't know about you, but I felt so lost, and I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I would never have found my way in that labyrinth if you hadn't been by my side.
Thank you for that.
Seriously though, I never thanked you enough and I'm sorry it's taken me almost three years to finally do so. You see, since we haven't spoken in almost three years, the possibility that we never will again somehow seems all the more real to me these days. So, even if we never speak again, I want you to know, and remember, that I am forever changed by who you are and what you meant to me.
I know there are parts of our story nobody will ever hear, things only we will remember, and things no one else will ever understand. You know, like how three best friends became strangers practically overnight. Or how three best friends stopped fighting for something of so much value - their friendship. Then again, I suppose that's how it is with any story, especially one like ours.
Once again, thank you. For everything.
Love
Ida
P.S. Growing apart doesn't change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side. Our roots will always be tangled.
End of chapter
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140,237 Literary Works • 673,049 Reviews
@Noelle they were just best friends btw
Cool! That helps me understand a lot better
Thanks!
Hi there!
I saw this chapter in the Green Room so I figured I'd check it out. I went back and read the first two chapters as well so I understand what's going on here.
I know that I just said I understand what's going on here, but I'm confused xD I can't seem to figure out if Evelyn and Ida were just best friends or if they were together, as in dating. Maybe I'm just not comprehending?
Your style of writing is very unique. I've read a few books over the years that are written in the form of notes of blog posts. They've all been written in a way that the story is basically being narrated through a different form. But what you've got here is a nice look into Ida's personality and her character. We do learn a lot about Evelyn, but we learn a lot more about Ida. Ida is the one telling that story and she's choosing to stick to the emotional side of things instead of the physical side of things. (I'll expand on that idea a bit later on in the review) I like that. It's always good to be original as I'm sure you know
So even though we know so much about Ida and Evelyn so far, we don't know what they look like. Personally I don't think that you have to give us a physical description of characters the second that they're introduced, but it's always good to give these descriptions before or during the third chapter. The second chapter is a good place for these descriptions sometimes, but the third chapter is pushing it. Make sure to find a place to squeeze in that description. Ida could be imagining Evelyn's sparkling blue eyes or the long black hair she always kept perfectly straight. Just something to give us readers an image to associate with the characters.
Another thing you'll really have to think about doing eventually is moving to the external world. What I mean by that is, get out of Ida's mind every once in a while. Like how in this chapter, Ida is on Facebook going through Evelyn's pictures. That's an external event. And internal event is when Ida talks about being scared of losing her best friend. The internal events are going to be very important to the story as a whole, but at times it can be a bit overwhelming. Venturing into the external world gives us a refreshing break from all the memories, thoughts, and emotions.
Now, I think I addressed everything about the physical side in the previous paragraph (I called it the external world instead of the physical side). The part about the coffee shop that looks like it's straight out of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. (great show by the way :3) in the first chapter is a great example of this. We can imagine Ida sitting in this coffee shop, writing this letter diligently. Then you mention Evelyn's birthday party in this chapter so it gives us another place to imagine. I could see her standing in the middle of her friends with a present in her hands. That's the physical side.
Overall this novel is moving on pretty smoothly. In the future, make sure to add some more of this external events and more of the physical side. I don't have anything to really comment on the narration because I think you do a wonderful job of understanding Ida and writing her thoughts and feelings. I'm excited to learn more about her and Evelyn and their relationship.
I'll get to chapter 4 soon!
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Hey! thank you
this helps a lot
Hello there!
Wow! What writing! I really like the way how personal you're making this. It's very - how should I put this? - emotional.
Keep writing, I think it's great.
(Only one tiny remark though: I think you meant "with alien faces" instead of ailen)
"I looked at you, hoping for some kind of acknowledgement, nothing special, just a small smile, or a nod, something, anything that would let me know you remembered too. Like most days though, you kept your head down, and kept walking, making us look like the strangers I now realise we have become."
And I don't mean to be bitchy or something, it's a good sentence, but there are just a lot of comma's in there. Maybe a little too much?
Anyways, good job.
-JustMeValery
Thanks!