Strawberry Hearts -4-

Evelyn,

The Oxford English Dictionary defines 'timeless' as something that is

'not affected by the passage of time or changes in fashion'.

In other words, something that is timeless is something which has stood the test of time, you know? like the written works of great authors like Jane Austen and Shakespeare or the old sandstone buildings which characterise the worlds greatest cities with their carvings and pilars. Things which have been around for hundreds of years and will be around for hundreds more.

It's strange to think about it now, but do you remember growing up how much we loved the idea that we could be best friends forever, that we could ,in effect, be timeless? I don't know about you, but I don't like that idea so much anymore. These days, I like knowing that there was always more to 'the world' than the bubble I existed in for so long, or more specifically, I like knowing that I've left that bubble and found a bigger reality. Does that make sense?

You see, this past year, I've gotten to know and spoken to more people than I ever have before. I've made a lot of really good friends too. I guess, looking back on it all now, I have you to thank for that. Leaving that bubble made me realise what it was about us that was never quite right. I'm glad for it , because I don't want to lose someone the way I lost you.

I realise, looking back now, that growing up, you were my closest friend, but you were always closer to Maddie than you were with me. We never told each other eveything. Most things yes, but not everything. We never shared our deepest fears or darkest secrets. When it came to the things that really mattered, we always kept each other at an arms length away, never going any further than we had to. Nowadays, when I hear you talking to your friends and see the way you interact with them, I realise that there was another side to you, a gentle, more caring side, that I never really got to see.

Then again, I never showed you the side of me that needed caring for. There's the extremely anxious, doubtful and more sensitive side to me, that I would never let you see. I would never let you see me cry, or tell you I was scared. It was only this year when I couldn't hold that fear in any longer, that people finally saw me crumble. You finally saw me crumble. You finally saw the whole photo album, of which you'd only ever seen glimpses and snapshots.

I'm sorry about that. I should have been more trusting of you, I should've told you about her and what she did; before it was too late. I should have come to you, and you have no idea how much I regret not telling you everything. It's too late now of course, but I thought you should know.

I don't like looking back, but when I do, sometimes I wish we had been less childish and somewhat more couragous, braver and more mature. I think it might have made us better friends.Closer friends.

We might even have been timeless.

Love

        Ida