Evelyn,
I'm quite sad today. I'm sad because you're sad today, and I'm sad because to me it was really obvious that you were sad, and yet, none of your new friends seemed to notice. I'm also sad because today, like most days, I passed you in the hallway, yet when I looked up, for the first time since we stopped being friends, you didn't seem notice I was there. You didn't meet my eye.
It feels as if an invisible wall has suddenly been built between us, and your new friends won't let you talk to me. When I see you in class I wonder if we'll ever be able to knock down that wall because I really wish I could go up and talk to you, the way I used to, because I miss you so much, more than I ever thought could be possible. A part of me secretly hopes you miss me, even just a little, or that if you don't miss me I wish that you miss when we were us.
Then again, I doubt you ever think about me long enough to miss me or the way we used to be.
Do you know where I am right now? I'm sitting in what used to be our favourite café; the small little coffee shop with the couches like the ones in F.R.I.E.N.D.S where we once spent the majority of our time. I'm sitting right at the back where if wasn't for strings of flickering fairy lights it would be pitch black; where the music is barely even a hum. We used to come here so often, and it's still my favourite place in the city. The memories and flashbacks are stronger here than anywhere else; and it's almost like I can smell, taste and touch all the times we sat here, in this very spot, gossiping and giggling about whatever mundane matter in our lives that had captured our attention. I miss those days. I don't know where the years went Evie, but I know they took you with them.
You see, right now, all I can see is a goldfish. You know the tiny goldfish transfer you stuck to the side of our coffee table? It was years ago, you probably don't remember.
When I see it just stuck there, I realize that although you've moved on and I suppose I have too, you've left a mark. In my heart and in my mind; and all I can think about, is how the memory of you follows me wherever I go, and how, if things were different you'd be here talking to me this very instant, except, things aren't different and we're not friends anymore. I wish it didn't, but it makes me sad to think that we used to be so close and now, the closest I'll ever get to you again is by seeing that little goldfish stuck to the side of our coffee table.
It's sad because even though you're not my friend anymore, you're still a huge part of my life. I find you hiding in photographs and songs, places and smells and all the while I'm just hoping that maybe one day, the man upstairs will give us another shot at being us. Maybe then I'll be able to share all the moments in my life with you again, like the name of the boy I've really liked since September, and you'll be able to share them with me, like how your little brother is getting on because it makes me really sad to think that if you get the news that you're going to be a big sister again I won't be the first person you'll think of to call anymore.
Has it ever occurred to you that when we stopped being friends, our entire families stopped being friends too?
I don't know if you ever think about that, but sometimes it crosses my mind that I miss not only you, but your mum and your dad and your little brother. Yet I wonder if your brother would even know me now, he was just a baby when I knew him.
It's strange to think that your 'little' brother probably isn't so little now. I think the whole world has just decided to grow up without me.
I mean, it's your birthday tomorrow.
I wonder who you'll celebrate it with. I wonder if you'll spend it with your friends or your family, perhaps both. I wonder if you'll think about me or wonder if I'm thinking about you.
I wonder that on my birthday. I strongly doubt that'll cross your mind for even a second tomorrow, but I'll probably end up posting something on your Facebook or casually mentioning it to someone who's closer to you now than I am, yet it won't be the same. It won't be the same as saying it to your face like I wish I could. I wish I could go out, buy you a present and wish you a happy birthday in real life but that would be weird now, because of how things are.
I'm still trying to imagine what I could write, that's even slightly more thoughtful than everyone else's 'happy birthday!' , but I know that's what I'll end up posting anyway.
I also know that when I'm on your page I'll find myself scrolling through your pictures, one by one, and trying, trying so bloody hard to remember what you sound like, but I can't remember your voice and I don't know how I'll ever remember it, because we never speak and I don't know if we ever will again.
Do you ever remember when it was just you and me against the world?
When you left it became just me against the world, and it's a lonely business being against the world all by yourself. You probably don't know what that's like though. You've always been surrounded by people. Even when it was just you and me, you had other friends that lived on your street. It's the same now of course, except now I don't have you at all.
I always love seeing you in the hallway (today being a sort of exception I suppose) because we always smile quickly at each other and occasionally one of us will say "hey" or nod in acknowledgement because that's what old friends do, and I love it because for that tiny split second, I know that you haven't forgotten, you've just moved on. Then we walk our separate ways and slowly the reality of our situation slips back in, that it's not the same, like it used to be, because if it was, I don't think I would be so sad with the knowledge that my new friends are slowly leaving me like you did. One of my biggest fears is exactly that; that the cycle will just keep on repeating itself.
In class the other day we were talking about fear and the teacher went around asking everyone what our biggest fears were. Mostly everyone said silly things, things I'm not really afraid of like spiders and the dark, and the teacher nodded, and smiled and went onto me and I just nodded and said what everyone else did because I knew I couldn't say heights because then I'd get some stupid person saying, "you're not afraid of heights you're afraid of falling" which is nonsense but anyway, I couldn't say heights because heights isn't my biggest fear. My biggest fear is of being forgotten about. I want to be remembered. You're the only person who knows where I got that fear from. Maybe it was easier for you to leave me, than stick around. I don't blame you for that.
It's like, maybe; it feels like the whole world has just learned to spin without me.
God knows you have.
Love,
Ida
—— A/N ——
Hello everyone! I'm Anne or runandhide. I'm brand new to this site and I don't really know how everything works yet but please tell me what you thought in a review! It would be super appreciated :D Anyways, I really hope you enjoyed this first 'chapter', again any feedback is welcomed!
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello! Welcome to YWS! We're happy to have you
I'm quite new myself. But it's very easy to get into the swing of things. The people here are very welcoming 
). But I feel that maybe if you wrote "Dear Evelyn" it would be much more noticeable that it IS a letter
I can see the images clearly in my head because of your amazing descriptions, and you're really good with letting us get to know the character (which is often hard in a letter) but you did a great job!
Alright, onto this review!!! I won't do any little nitpicks because I see they've been done in previous reviews
I'm going to start with the bad things, so we can end on a good note
-The beginning wasn't bad, not at all. I actually really like how you started this with a letter (or maybe the whole story is a letter, I don't know yet
-at the beginning you use the word "sad" a lot. It might be lyrical if you do it right, and if you meant to do it. But right now, it just seems like an overuse of the word (my opinion)
Now onto the good things!!!
-there's so much emotion in the letter---it's actually tangible! It's amazing! You did a very good job XD
-you're a natural writer. Some people are born with the ability to write, and I think that's you. And it shows!
-description = ALSDFJASDLAISHDSNVALSKDJFYESYESYES. nuf said
This is really good
Hope I helped! Happy writing
~Anna Rae
Aw thank you! Its a work in progress so I'll get around to correcting soonish
Hello, Anne! Welcome to Young Writers Society! Do you have any questions? If so, ask them here or on my wall. Click on my name of you want to go to my wall.
You started out so awesomely. I couldn't get enough of it. I'll get enough when I'm, say, eighty years old. No, haha, I'm just kidding. I'm not saying I don't like it, but still. You're a natural writer. I can tell. Only one nitpick so far-why is this part in italics?
"When I see you in class I wonder if we'll ever be able to knock down that wall because I really wish I could go up and talk to you, the way I used to, because I miss you so much..."
You need an "it" after "if". And after you put that, put a comma.
"I'm sitting right at the back where if wasn't for strings of flickering fairy lights it would be pitch black; where the music is barely even a hum."
A little whiles later, I found a tiny little error. You need a comma after "now".
"It's the same now of course, except now I don't have you at all."
Later again, you change that "than" to "then". I don't blame you for that, either.
"Maybe it was easier for you to leave me, than stick around. I don't blame you for that."
I really did enjoy this chapter, just ask if you want someone to review!
-wisegirl22
Aw thank you! Hadn't noticed all of that!
those bits in italics are trying to emphasise how she feels? Does that make sense? Like she's saying those words differently I suppose? 
thanks again
You're welcome! I get what you're saying.
Hey there, Anne! Welcome to YWS~
I'm in a bit of a rush, so this is going to have to a be a quick review. So the first thing that hit me as I began reading was the way you started out with the piece. For me, beginnings have always been the hardest part to conquer, mainly because there are so many ways you could start out. It's like choosing a favourite sibling; you don't want to have to decide.
Anyway, cutting the ramble short here--here's what I felt about your beginning: It was rather bland. You see, the reader wants to develop an interest in what the main character has got to say, so ask yourself how your main character's feeling sad would set off a spark. It's a pretty normal occurrence, this one emotion, and it's something that a lot of people go through everyday. "Why should it matter to us?" they ask when your character declares himself/herself to be depressed. "What's so special in this specific moment?" You want your readers to keep reading. The way you start off makes the tone seem rather detached, when it's supposed to be quite personal, seeing as the narrator is writing to someone? It isn't made clear who this 'someone' is, either. In fact, it wasn't until I was a bit into the chapter that I realized it was a letter/diary-entry-esque kinda thing. It isn't made clear who the narrator is addressing either, and the vague mentions of 'you' don't help us when it comes to developing attachments with your characters. You mention 'Evie', but it's so indistinct and rapidly mentioned that it doesn't really sink in.
You want your readers to develop attachments. You want to give them paper-cuts and ink-bruises and strike emotion within them. You have a very good idea going here, and the narrative's voice carries this sense of loss that pervades through the entire piece. I did get a bit thrown off by all the longish sentences, and I would suggest splitting them up and varying sentence length so it doesn't look monotonous. A lot of info, too, in the first chapter, makes it seem like a bit of an info-dump, but that might be more so because of the run-on sentences than anything else. I liked that you had a pretty good handle on emotion and conveying thought well throughout the whole piece, as well as a couple of powerful lines which I enjoyed.
Couple of quick nit-picks:
~ You don't really need italics there, unless it's for a reason. If so, then do tell me! You do this a few more times throughout the chapter as well...
~ Insert comma before 'Evie'.
~ Comma splice. Replace the comma with a semi-colon or coordinating conjunction (and; but; so; for; or, etc.).
I'd suggest you cut out the maybe and the semicolon, since 1] I'm not sure the semicolon was used correctly and 2] the maybe just throws you off.
I really liked that ending. Precise, sincere, and just altogether well-fitting. I hope to see more of this soon!
Keep writing! Keep it up! PM me if you have any questions~
Hope this helped.
~Pompadour
Thanks for replying
I have to tell though that the purpose for the sadness, is to personify Evelyn, the girl being written to, and allow for readers to connect with her as well as with Ida, and feel for her. 'Evie' is used for this purpose as well. The other thing about sadness is that yes its a very normal emotion, but that's why? 
I'm a bit confused as to how you didn't realise it was a letter, but I'm glad you noticed eventually 
Thanks anyways!
The reason I thought it wasn't a letter is because it doesn't start out as one, to be honest. I felt it could be a journal, and while I cottoned on to what it was by the third line, a stronger, more precise beginning would be nice.
I just felt the way you stated it sounded a bit unemotional. Subtlety is always a nice thing, ja? Also, it would make sense if you mentioned Evie earlier on in the chapter, where the reader absorbs those kind of facts most quickly. I'm sorry if I came across as unclear in my review; it was pretty late when I typed it down. 
Oh, no, I wasn't saying your character isn't allowed to be sad.
Tell me when you post more!
~P
Ooh, also: I just noticed that 'Evelyn' in italics at the top of the chapter. *facepalms* I am so sorry--I thought it was a point of view. >.> No more late-night reviews for me.
Hello!
Welcome to YWS! Though, I have to tell you I don't have much business welcoming you considering I just got here myself. However, welcome all the same! ^_^
I'm not well versed in critiques so I'll tell you what I can, and hopefully, someone else will come and cover all the bases I didn't.
The one thing that stood out strongly to me is that you seemed to use periods sparingly in some cases. I feel that there are a lot of sentences that run on far too long. You know how to place your commas so that your thoughts come across clearly, but in the end, I don't believe it's grammatically correct to have sentences run on that long.
"Maybe then I'll be able to share all the moments in my life with you again, like the name of the boy I've really liked since September, and you'll be able to share them with me, like how your little brother is getting on because it makes me really sad to think that if you get the news that you're going to be a big sister again I won't be the first person you'll think of to call anymore."
^ This sentence was especially scary to me. I tend to avoid commas, which is bad, however, overuse is just as bad. This sentence looks like it could be 3-5 sentences, and if you altered more you could push for 2 sentences, but certainly not 1.
That was really the biggest thing for me. Someone nitpicky will probably come around and notice all the things I didn't.
The story itself drew me in. I believe its because I have experienced losing a good friend so this spoke to me more. I'm not sure how this would come across to people who haven't experienced it. I think the thoughts and feelings of the speaker were communicated pretty well. I was able to formulate a fairly good image of her in my mind. As the reader, I feel the need to sympathize with the speaker, which was probably your intention.
The story itself seems off to a good start. Focus on your punctuation, though. I'm looking forward go seeing how it progresses.
Thank you^^ I'll definitely check my punctuation