Strawberry Hearts -2-

Evelyn,

"We haven't talked in awhile"

It was almost a whisper, the way you said it. So quiet in fact, that at first I was unsure if you had said anything at all, so I looked at you for confirmation. Maybe that was my first mistake. What you said hit me, as I stared at you, the look that cut through one of the few strings still holding us together. We had nothing to talk about. For the first time since we met six years prior, we had nothing to say to each other.

This was the conversation, if you could call it that; we shared only two years ago. We haven't really spoken since.

You were right of course, what you said, and I knew it too, I just didn't want to admit that it was the middle of August and we hadn't said a word to each other since school broke up in June. Before we knew it, August had become September and September had become October and October was your birthday. I decided later on in the day to join the crowd and post my own happy birthday on your Facebook wall.

I never did.

I clicked on your profile and something else caught my eye. You had just uploaded a picture. From your birthday party. We hadn't spoken in a while but everyone was there. By everyone I mean our entire circle of friends. To be honest, that wasn't even that part that bothered me the most. You know, that I hadn't been invited. It was the person who had seemingly taken my place. The only girl I've ever really disliked. I wonder, looking back now, if you knew what she had done. Not only to me, but to you also. Maybe you're better off not knowing. You and her are best friends now, and I cannot bring myself to do you what she did to us.

Eve, do you remember the jelly baby incident we had that day in Maths? when the two of us burst into silent, hysterical laughter after a silly argument about jelly bean reproduction? I wouldn't be surprised if you've forgotten it completely; because to be honest, the only reason I remember it so clearly is because that supply teacher turned round, smiled fondly, and said "you two are best friends, aren't you?"

Everyone else in the class was nodding, and laughing and I don't know. I just felt this knot in my stomach because we were slowly drifting apart back then, and I didn't know what to say because you were the closest thing I had to a best friend, we were best friends, but at the same time we weren't. You must having been thinking the same thing, because neither of us said anything in reply, we just remained silent, and I tried not to feel disappointed when you shrugged, and the lesson continued on. I really did.

I suppose that's why I don't correct people when they call you my old best friend, but I would never do it myself. Unless you count those silly BFF bracelets we used to wear, we actually never called each other best friends.

Besides, even if we were, you've never been the type of person who has just one best friend. You've always had a fair few, Maddie for example. Not that she really matters because somehow, you always made people feel like they were the only person worth your attention. The way we were, is same way you were with Maddie when I walked into your English class that day. I remember seeing her talking to you, and you both seemed so close, and then you started laughing. Eve, you were laughing in the same way you and I would laugh at one of our silly private jokes. And by the time I had reached my own English class, I felt so jealous. Back then I was so scared she would somehow take you away from me, but to be honest, I never thought it would actually happen.

It's been two years since I wrote you that last letter. So much has changed, even since then. I'm no longer naïve enough to believe that we'll ever be friends again, yet as I write this something heavy is forming in my chest. It's dull, yet warm and it constructs my heart. You probably don't realise this, but our friendship taught me so much, Evie, like what it means to miss someone who is so close but so far away.

I need my best friend back.

Love,

Ida