Heaven drips drops of heavy rain
relentlessly tapping my window pane.
View the earth drowning in vain
never to find groud again.
.
View flowers' colors fade away
replaced with gentle tones of grey.
View birds swooping in dismay
searching for a hideaway.
.
Wind and thunder intensify
singing a sirens haunting lullaby.
An ominous bolt shocks the sky
with fury none can pacify.
.
Wait for pressing gloom to pass
with fingers pressed upon frigid glass.
.
(A/N- Really sorry about the annoying dots in between each stanza, it was the only way I could get it to put a space in between them :(
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140,138 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Hi rubykae, Felistia here with a review on your poem.
Firstly I want to say that I didn't even notice the dots between your lines, so they weren't annoying to me.
Now on with the review.
I first want to go over the problems, then I will proceed to the good thins in your poem.
You have a few spelling errors. The first is ground, you accidently wrote groud. The second one is colours, you wrote colors.
Another problem is in the line (Heaven drips drops of heavy rain) There is nothing really wrong with it, but it does break up the flow of the poem to say (drips drops). Maybe write it (Heaven pours heavy drops of rain) just as a suggestion.
Now with the good stuff. I really like the way you described the storm and how everything fades and hides during the down pour. You really did a good job on that, even though the poem is a bit short. The rhyming for the most part works, but I feel like in this line the rhyming feels a bit forced
(View birds swooping in dismay
searching for a hideaway.)
Other than that though it was a really nice poem and I loved reading it. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.
hello, this is kman134 and i'm here to review.
"Heaven drips drops of heavy rain
relentlessly tapping my window pane.
View the earth drowning in vain
never to find groud again."
First of all, i noticed a lot of spelling errors, such as instead of "Ground" you put "Groud" in the last part. also, the grammar seems to be a bit confusing, like when you put "drips drops".
"View flowers' colors fade away
replaced with gentle tones of grey.
View birds swooping in dismay
searching for a hideaway."
again, there are some grammar issues in this one, as well; however, the symbolisms are still okay, but the way it's written still needs work.
anyway, this is pretty good and hope to see more poems like this.