Where I Lie

Oh my Goodness. This poem is something that I have never experience in my life. There is definitely a lot of potential. This helpless person, that is about to die, is so humble. The person, even when he or she is dying, is concerned with the nurse that is exhausted from all hours of work. This poem shows humility in the greatest form, from the perspective of a dependent. It also show the pain and agonies of waiting while the person is dying.
It was so apparent and descriptive, when you described many things in the poem, such as the hospital bed being a casket, and the patterns of the nurse's scrubs.
I can picture this poem right in my head, even though I have not experience this myself. You are indeed a great poet that has made a regular poem into an incredible piece of art. I am looking forward to reading more poems from you in the near future.

I sense some potential in this poem. What I understand was the persona is under appreciated by someone important to him/her. The persona, in the brink of his/her life (maybe due to the pains he/she have suffered, still fights even his last breath. Suggestion: I want you to revise this poem and try to heck whether the words you used here are appropriate or needed to be removed. Other than that, this is so far a better poem compared to other poems I have read and reviewed for this day.

Hello! herbgirl here for a review!
This is an interesting poem. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what to think of it. You seem to be trying to get at something more than just a person in a hospital, watching a busy nurse, I can tell this from the last line of your poem. However, you didn't quite make what this was clear, so I'm kind of wondering where you were going with it.
One thing that bothered me was the rhyme scheme of this poem. I'm not entirely sure if this was intentional, but many of lines seemed to rhyme with one another, but not with any particular thyme scheme. I felt like this interrupted the flow of the poem, because the rhymes put a certain emphasis on certain lines. I would recommend trying to incorporate a clearer rhyme scheme, or just trying to remove the rhymes all together, either of which may be difficult. If you need help, or want to argue my opinion, let me know!
Now, as I said before, I felt like you were trying to get at something deeper with this poem. I liked how you described the nurse throughout the poem, but I felt more connected to the nurse than to the narrator, and I don't think that's what you were going for. I would advise you to add a little more throughout the poem, linking the nurses actions back to the narrator at different points, so readers can see a but about the nurse and a bit about the narrator at the same time, and hopefully become connected to both of them.
Anyways, sorry if that seemed a little harsh. Overall, good work, but try to go a little deeper! Good Luck, and thanks for the read!
herbgirl