Hello! Ripple here on this sweet Review Day.
I can definitely relate to the message you convey here. You have assuredly hit the nail on the head here. The parallels between the two is what reinforces that point. The framing you do with
A villain named clinical depression took her away.
...
A villain named Parkinson's disease took him away.
and
I've seen depression take my best friend
Just like I've seen Parkinson's take my grandpa.
is also very well done.
One thing that I noticed while reading was your capitalization. The lines from your perspective are capitalized, while the lines with "just..." are not. This creates nice contrast, but there are two lines that don't follow that.
the memory is a distant star because
...
they take away.
These aren't capitalized, and there doesn't seem to be a reason why. Yes, the first makes sense grammatically when not capitalized, but that didn't stop you in other lines. Try to be consistent.
Overall, I very much enjoyed reading this poem. Keep writing!
Points: 4842
Reviews: 120
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