Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
I hate her, but there's something seductive about the familiar. It pulls me back to happier times.
Whispered aspirations and dreams shared in bed. She nuzzled her way into my arms. Those cobalt blue eyes held this gray storm in them. The way they looked at me - the way she looked at me as though maybe I was magic. A faint smile revealed her dimples. Those chapped lips parted ever so slight. And those eyes, they slit with glee like a fox.
The memory ends with a content sigh from her. I hold back what I feel would be an exasperated sigh. Her warmth emits past that flannel gray shirt. The same one we first met in, I look away but I can feel her gaze on me.
There's that smile, I know it. It's tinged with victory, I'm here after all. I slouch, looking at her without asking: why do you keep doing this to me and why do I let you?
I tell her no more. The blonde fumes, spitting out venom asking me who the fuck I thought I was and that happiness without her wasn't possible.
Months before, the church told me loving her was a sin. My happiness is unnatural and wrong.
For a long time, it felt like that. Happiness took on the form of fire. It glowed bright in the darkest of times -consuming everything until I became a husk. "Happiness is fleeting," I told a dying friend not mentioning I had mourned her death months earlier.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
You have a great way with words. With the first sentence I would use a different word than the familiar, your wording is elegant but I think some meaning is lost in interpretation. and the following sentence about it pulling you back to happier times could maybe be you are reminded of happier times?
The sentence her warmth emits past the flannel gray shirt I think might need a different word than emits. maybe something like infiltrate, breach, creeps into etc.
I like that you used the words spitting venom, I can visually see her having a tantrum.
The last paragraph is BEAUTIFUL I would not change a thing!
Well Done!
You have a great way with words. With the first sentence I would use a different word than the familiar, your wording is elegant but I think some meaning is lost in interpretation. and the following sentence about it pulling you back to happier times could maybe be you are reminded of happier times?
The sentence her warmth emits past the flannel gray shirt I think might need a different word than emits. maybe something like infiltrate, breach, creeps into etc.
I like that you used the words spitting venom, I can visually see her having a tantrum.
The last paragraph is BEAUTIFUL I would not change a thing!
Well Done!
Thanks. I chose familiar because we are all creatures of habit and that's comforting. Familiarity is created though repetition which yields memories. I chose it as a transition into the flash back.
Emits is to send forth -something that is neutral. The words you suggested are aggressive.
I do appreciate the comments.
Beautiful language. You really know how to write with eloquence.
This piece was great because it contained what I love; a bit of darkness! I really resonated with the atmosphere of this piece because I write a lot of stories in a similar light.
The way you described the battle between loving and hating this women was superb and really nailed the idea of being a victim of emotional abuse in a marriage. I mean, there are more men than we think that are victims out there.
I mean I might be wrong about the abuse part, but I couldn't hel but feel a Gone Girl vibe reading this, like the wife is actually a total bitch.
Anyway, good read.
Thanks, I felt the language was simple.
Fascinating how I never tire to hear what people viewed the dynamic and people to be in this piece. There is indeed emotional abuse prevalent in this particular story, but I figured I would have the narrator spare the details and simply ask, "Why do you do this? And I must be to blame for it."
Others would call it enabling, but the protagonist looks at the good times. It wasn't all bad. Doubt sets in, maybe it could go to back then ... but it can't and it has to end.
Like angelwing12, I was hooked right from "I hate her". I don't know why, but I think it's because I needed to find out who she was and what the reason for hating her was. You really drew me in, and I had to read it several times to get the effect of it. Will you correct me if I'm wrong? I think it's a black man, loving a white woman, as I got from the title, and it's frowned upon at this time, because of the church saying it's a sin to love her. That's what I got. But still, great story, nice and short, which I love to read. Awesome job.
That's cool, I never looked at it that way -the protagonist being black. Fascinating point of view there, it really gives the story a different feel.
You're not wrong because I purposely it so that the protagonist is anyone in any time period.
It's part of an anthology in which the reader will never know if each narrator is a new person or the same person at different points of their lives. The only thing that remains the same is that it's about a narrator and a woman and whatever that transpired between them.
I LOVE THIS!!!! I was hooked from the "I hate her..." because it had caught my interest, had me asking myself why this character hated her? and who was the woman he was referring to?
All of these answers were answered by continuing to read on. I love how you exposed the characters raw emotions allowed the reader to connect easier to the character.
Another part I thoroughly enjoyed was the "Happiness took on the form of fire..." part I found that unique and yet very realistic and relatable.
Solid, thanks for the review.
I felt uncomfortable writing this piece because unlike the other Pretty Ladies anthology -this one doesn't have all the details of their romance and the dynamic. It's heavily one sided which was to be expected with a first person narrative, I suppose.