Now, my eyes peered into the oaks and pines and maples that made up the forest. He was behind me, but I could not bring myself to look at him.
*
“I want to leave,” I whispered, “Now.” He nodded. I knew he knew.
*
“Where do you want to go?” he asked.
*
“Somewhere else.”
*
“That’s not a place, Alice Green,” despite himself, he chuckled softly.
*
“Stop calling me that,” I said, but I was smiling. I turned, and his smile met mine, marred only by the tears in his eyes. As they collected and spilled from his dark lashes, I wiped them away with my sleeve. Perhaps I should cry too, but he has taken the brunt of my emotions and cried for me. There are no tears left for me to shed.
*
He sniffed quietly. I gave him a reassuring smile and took his hand in mine. He squeezed it gently, and I looked back at the house, the house that had never, ever been Home to me. I wondered how such a simple, quaint little cottage, with rose bushes popping out of the soil, and ivy and honeysuckle snaking up its face, could conceal a woman who’s poisons controlled her every evil action, and a lost little girl with a heart as big as our Weeping Willow, trapped inside whilst her sister sought refuge in the trees.
*
I hope she found a place where she can be happy, unafraid. I know I have.
*
“Goodbye Ella,” I said softly, and let Tree Boy pull me into the warm, welcoming arms of the forest I had grown up in.
*
Epilogue:
*
It was not like him to wander so far into the woods. He walked carefully, one foot just in front of the other, grey hair whipping his face as it struggled against the evening breeze.He had never walked the same since he fell, or so he told himself when truth threatened to override pride.
*
He whistled a short, sharp tune and a black and white springer spaniel emerged from the bushes, tongue out, speckled legs bouncing him down the path to his owner, his speed igniting a flame of jealousy within him.
*
As he began to check for signposts, or, he hoped, a map, the little rascal began to whine plaintively and pull at the lead.
*
He looked in the direction her companion was drawn to, and what he saw would never, not before his last breath left him, leave his deepest of thoughts.
*
In the gathering gloom, a little girl with long, chestnut brown hair that caught the Sun’s dying rays wearing a worn brown coat sprinted deeper into the forest, a little brown speck in a universe of green.
*
And her arm was outstretched as though clasping the hand of another, though beside her was only air, empty air.
*
She did not see Tree Boy.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Ah, Priceofwords. I both love you and hate you for this chapter.
. Hopefully the man with the dog will take care of Alice and she will finally get the happy ending that she deserves after living through that hell. That's what I like to think anyway.
Though I am glad that Alice managed to get away from her home and mostly her mother, I still find myself left wondering about what's going to happen next, and it is irritating in a good way
But, there's then the matter of Tree Boy. I think in a way his story line is the most sad of all of them (even though it's kind of Alice's story, but you know what I mean). The way that he supported Alice through all of what she went through and made her days that little bit better. But as soon as she left the house I have a feeling that he already knew that it was the end of the road for the two of them, and that is well... seriously sad.
Another part of me however makes me want to think that Tree Boys tears are not ones shed because he's sad that he can no longer be a part of Alice's life, but that they are maybe tears of happiness in disguise. That maybe, he is crying because he's happy that Alice has been able to leave all the unhappiness behind and been able to move on, no longer needing him to support her.
Either way, it's still pretty damn sad. But an amazing piece of writing.
And, I demand a sequel so that I know what happened to Alice!
Keep writing, and I'll keep stalking your writing, because it's awesome.
Burninhell
Thank you burninhell, I expect I'll be stalking your account as well
I was a little confused at the beginning of the epilogue. I wondered who the new character was, but I think it's written perfectly. I saw her through the eyes of a stranger, saw what they must see. And you said that Alice no longer saw Tree Boy, she had 'grown up' I suppose. Said goodbye to her fantasy. Does the man help her? I'd like to think so, but I can't be sure.
In the gathering gloom, a little girl with long, chestnut brown hair that caught the Sun’s dying rays wearing a worn brown coat sprinted deeper into the forest, a little brown speck in a universe of green.
Two things, before I wrap up this review. Sun does not need a capital S, and another comma is needed to add a pause to the sentence.
This story was amazing and your writing is amazing. You should write more on similar topics, I know you'd do well. Thank you for letting me into Alice's life.
You know, priceofwords, this is one of the few stories that I've read in a long time that has touched me in the way that yours has. This chapter was so beautiful, so tragic, so wonderful to read, that I'm stunned, surprised, and a little happy and sad at having read it. Well done!
The emotions are, perhaps, the strongest part of the chapter. Alice looks about her, and she decides that she has had enough of her previous life, and that she wishes to be away from her cruel home and family. And the Tree Boy cries, saddened by the news, but also respectful of her wishes and ready to take her into the place that she feels she belongs - the forest. She leaves her family behind, hoping that her sister may be as happy as she is, and they may live in peace. I loved reading this part of the story, to say the least. The emotions you showed here were so powerful, so vibrant, that I felt a mix of happiness and sadness at reading them. Furthermore, I love the way that you provide so many vivid descriptions in your chapter, not to mention the powerful sentences that you display. Ones such as "There are no more tears to shed," and "I hope she found a place where she can be happy, unafraid" clearly communicate the MC's points and emotions. These descriptions, feelings, and everything that you've written combine to form one amazing story, and I'm deeply impressed.
The epilogue of the story was equally exceptional. I can clearly see the man tromping through the forest with his dog, hear the notes of his song, and see through his eyes. It appears that he has found the girl, the girl who had run away into the forest, clasping nothing but air, but joyous and happy nonetheless. It was an enlivening conclusion to an amazing story, and I love it. Well done, priceofwords! This story is amazing! Your characters are beautiful, your ability to write is exceptional, and this chapter is a skillful, emotional masterpieces that ties up all lose ends and stuns the reader. Great job!
Thank you so much TheSilverFox, it makes me so happy to know my story has touched one person - I really enjoyed writing it.
I haven’t read previous chapters and, thus, my review will be solely based on this one.
I think a little more description of the forest is needed here to draw out the scene and help us picture it in our minds.
I found this sentence quite impactful, but it’s a run-on sentence (a sentence with more than two commas, making it difficult to read in one breath). You need to separate it out in two or three sentences.
It’s a bit selfish of her to leave her sister behind without any guilt or doubts. We need an insight into her thoughts and feelings to understand her actions and sympathise with her.
This confused me, and I need more clarification here. Was meeting the Tree Boy only an illusion, like a trick her mind had played because she strongly believed in ancient fables? Is the epilogue in the perspective of the real Tree Boy or a random passerby? If you have made that clear in the chapters before, ignore it. If not, then that’s another improvement right there.
Overall, this chapter had been an enjoyable read. I might read the story from the start now. Well done, and keep writing!
I will definitely take your feedback into account, but thank you! Also, I would suggest reading at least a few of the other parts - you can't really understand the story when you only read the end
Haha. Okay, I'll check them out.