My mind zig-zags in jagged lines
I think of one thing then on to the next
My thoughts combine
Into an utterly horrible mess
Why did she make a smart remark?
Why did I fail my test?
Why are we drifting apart?
I'm sure you can figure out the rest
Usually when I'm about to go to bed
My brain is awake
I think of what I could've said
And my past mistakes
I go from one to the next
It's neverending
I become perplexed
Still, I seem
To fall asleep
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139,347 Literary Works • 672,539 Reviews
Hello Boo
It’s Berry!
Heya, here for a review real quick!
I loved this, it was very confusing in its own way but I understood it mostly. It was fun to read and I felt this in many more ways than one. I feel the different thoughts racing through your head before you even fall asleep, and I hate that my brain does that to me when I try to sleep peacefully. I hate all the different remarks I could have made and what not so this poem is very true. Anyway keep up the good word and I would love to see more!
Thank you!
This is fantastically confusing. I like how your brain works, your writing is relatable in a way that most writers (including myself) on this site can’t capture.
Again, I love your pacing, I love the concepts that you convey, and I love how connected the poem is from start to finish.
My advice is make a more consistent rhythm, but I’m a songwriter, so maybe I’m not the best person to take advice from on that matter.
This really is great stuff that is easy and fun to read. I’m looking forward to seeing more from you.
Thank you!
Hey, SmudgeMudge here with a quick review!
This poem was really awesome! I totally feel the same way about how when you go to bed your brain is awake's all the bad thoughts that come to your mind when you're in bed. This poem really caught my eye. I loved the way you described the brain. Anyway great job, really enjoyed this poem!
-SmudgeMudge
Thanks so much
I'm glad you enjoyed it
This seems like a very relatable poem. I like how it is organized chaos, which is essentially what humans are.
It captures the essence of the zig-zag, jumping from point to point, but remaining connected.
I recommend that you add punctuation though. This is mostly my opinion, but it would look better I think if you added it.
Periods when a statement is finished, and commas on each one. You already have question marks on some. Just add some more punctuation in there. Maybe even a few exclamation points.
Other than that, enjoyable and relatable poem.
Nice work,
~James Peterson/Zacharias Drake
Thanks for the review, glad you liked it
Hey there! MapleWay here dropping by with a quick review!
This was a cool poem! It did a great job describing a mind full of zig-zags. I really liked this image a lot. It feels messy but at the same time organized. Like each and every zig-zag is a path going somewhere special. I honestly wouldn't really change anything about it. The only thing would be to add a cool image in the background. I feel it could add a lot more to the poem's feel and aesthetic.
Besides that great poem! Tag me again for the next!
Thanks for the review!