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Young Writers Society


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Bitter Oracle - Chapter 12 - Kyle’s Place

by papillote


Bitter, an Oracle, has agreed to help Mike Murphy find his missing brother, Kyle. They're visiting his place looking for something she can use to Scry his current location. To know more, read Chapter 11.

Kyle Murphy’s place smelled of disuse, of the rotting matter cluttering the pipes and of dust. It was on the first floor of a small building over on Main Street. I was surprised when Mike turned on the light. I wasn’t sure what I had expected, but this wasn’t it.

The place was messy – very messy, a little stuffy too. Logically, this being the first floor, the windows were barred, but the shutters were also down, the curtains drawn over them. Considering the number and variety of lamps in the apartment, it looked like it was always the case.

It wasn’t a typical ‘guy’ place in my experience. The decoration wasn’t especially tasteful, but there was way more furniture than in Sakes’s apartment. My friend from Carmen’s seemed to think that chairs were an extravagance. We had to sit on pillows whenever he invited us over.

“Come in,” Mike told me.

He bolted the door behind us. I made a note of the twelve locks. Overkill much?

“M-make yourself comfortable.”

Hm. Kyle’s apartment was about the size of mine. You came in through a big living room with a small kitchen area behind a long metallic counter. Then, there was the small bedroom with its attached bathroom.

While Mike did the dishes, I ventured into the bedroom. It was a chaos of clothes and discarded books. The bathroom was even worse. After checking over my shoulder that Mike wasn’t watching, I opened a drawer, then another.

Kyle kept a box of condoms and a bottle of lube in his bedside table. Both had been opened. There was no trace of a woman in his apartment – no trace of anyone else, period. Hard to make sure of that, though, because of the mess.

I tried to conduct a methodical search, but it was hopeless. Even Kyle’s tastes in books were all over the place. They ran from classical SF, like Isaac Asimov and Philip K. Dick, to cheap space operas. It didn’t help matter when I picked his copy of “The Naked Sun” and “Paradise Lost – Book 5” by John Milton fell out, along with a couple of photographs. I wondered where the other books had disappeared to and whether being lost made them “Paradise Found”.

It made me snicker to myself.

I stopped laughing when I realized the scale of Kyle’s habit of stuffing things inside his books. I found money there, receipts and seemingly important work documents. The chaos extended beyond those pages.

I found a jewelry case at the bottom of what had to be Kyle’s underwear drawer. I opened it, mostly because I was feeling creepy going through a stranger’s briefs. I froze, fingers tingling.

“Look at that,” I whispered to myself as I caught sight of the chain of real silver inside. A delicate, old-fashioned pocket watch hung on it. It was beautiful, elegant, probably expensive as hell. I opened it, discovered an engraving inside the lid, “Every hour of every day. A.

Romantic, I thought, but a little unusual. Mike had made no mention of a committed relationship. Could it be a memento left by some past fiancée?

I wrapped the chain around my wrist, closing my fist around it. The mechanism ticked rhythmically inside my hand. I wasn’t fond of corny comparisons involving beating hearts, but it was like I held something alive. I knew at once that I needed no more to Trance for Kyle Murphy. I still stepped back into the living room, curious to hear the story as Mike knew it.

He was done cleaning his brother’s leftover dishes and was curled up in the sofa under a tall bookcase. He looked like a forlorn little boy. His eyes drifted to me, then widened when I raised my hand, dangling the fob watch in front of him.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“His…Oh, r-right, he didn-n’t want it back. Kyle w-wanted to gi-ve it away. B-but, then, he lost-t it.”

“I’m not surprised. What’s the watch’s story?”

Mike looked away. “It’s-s complicat-ted.”

My eyebrows took a hike up my forehead. What the hell? Was Magic Mike holding back on me?

“I know all about complicated, Mike. Whatever it is, no matter how bad you think it is, I’ve done, thought or heard worse.”

He carefully folded his hands together, piecing his composure back together. His eyes were now on his knees. “He-He-Mom d-doesn’t know.”

“I’m not going to tattle to your mother,” I told him, exasperated.

“He’s…Kyle’s…K-K-Kyle’s gay.”

“Oh.” Talk about earth-shattering. I shrugged. “Honestly, he could fuck goats, and I wouldn’t care. I’m here to find him for you, that’s it.”

He nodded and, tentatively, smiled.

“Now, who gave your brother the watch? A former boyfriend?”

Again, he nodded – albeit very enthusiastically. “A-Arthur Me-Menn.”

“When did they break up? Was it amicable?”

He shrugged. “I don-n-n’t kn-” Falling quiet, he shook his head, then apparently resolved to try again. “Didn’t like him. Loo-ooked down on me. Too old too.”

“How much older?”

He raised nine fingers. Nine years older, then. Which made this Menn guy thirty-eight. Not an old geezer either.

I pondered the watch for a second, then asked, “He’s got money?”

“Some. Executive t-type.”

“You think you’ve got a picture somewhere around here?”

He glanced around, considering, then he nodded. The more we talked, the less he stammered, but he was still more comfortable doing than speaking. He stood up and started rummaging through the shelves. I settled in for the long wait. It actually didn’t take him that long. After a couple of minutes, he came back with a pretty rose-wood box.

It contained a pile of pictures. Most of them included Kyle, usually surrounded by friends or family. Mike flipped quickly through them, pulled out a photograph and handed it to me.

A different Kyle stared out of it, stripped of his charming confidence and sporting a sophisticated, urbane polish that suited him much less. His dashing tuxedo displayed a tall, toned body, and he was beaming at another man in the picture – Arthur Menn, I assumed.

The ex was attractive, I suppose, but I wouldn’t have gone for him myself. He looked like he spent more time than I did on his hair. Nature didn’t produce blacks this dark and unmitigated. He also had artic-cold eyes, a slightly crooked nose and a stern slant to his mouth.

Too serious, I thought, and it was before I took in the expression on his face as he looked down at Kyle. I read approval there, and a patronizing sort of tenderness. He saw the younger man as his creation, his slightly lesser half. If this was love, it was an outshoot of self-love.

“Mike?” I said, because he had drifted away and was now leafing through a photo album.

He looked my way and, unexpectedly, grinned.

“What?” I asked.

“M-Mike. Does that me-mean we’re friends now?”

I hesitated. I didn’t normally befriend weaker beings. I wasn’t good at coddling people. I was too selfish. Easier to have relationships where the other person could hold me in check. I didn’t think that Mike would have either the gumption or the guts. I tried to find the words I needed to warn him off.

His smile dropped, his eyes filled with an old sadness. He had probably received the exact same gentle brushoff dozens of times. It wouldn’t have stopped me, but a sudden realization struck me.

For all Mike Murphy could barely talk, he had gotten me there, doing something I knew full well I didn’t want to. Even Colleen and Sakes couldn’t do that. It wasn’t weak. And I could hardly teach lessons when it came to hanging onto one’s brother. I had never hung on to anyone or anything. Maybe I was the weak one.

“Yes, alright,” I agreed. “Should be interesting.” I changed subjects before his obvious delight could translate into embarrassing effusions, “I think I’ve got everything I need.” I tucked the watch and the picture into my pocket. “I’ll keep those a few days. I’m not ready to Scry yet. Could take a while before I fall into a Trance. Let’s go.”

Bitter is ready to Scry for Kyle Murphy. To find out what happened to him, read Chapter 13.


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Sun Jul 25, 2021 8:44 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi papillote,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

That was such a really nice detective chapter with Bitter. She would definitely make a rugged, sarcastic, fuming inspector who could make the culprit cry during an interrogation. xD

It was a different chapter but not like the last one where something was missing. I liked the pacing here and how everything is now developing into a sort of home stretch where she finally has enough information about Kyle.

I was expecting Mike to sneak up behind Bitter and be told by him what a wonderful brother Kyle is with every step she takes and every finger she puts anywhere. But I also like that he didn't. :D

I liked the descriptions of the flat (I would have liked it a bit like that with Graves). I just thought it was a little rushed when you got to the bathroom and we didn't get any information or sarcastic comments there. (What would have also interested me was Kyle's view of Mike. Mike idolises his big brother, but Bitter didn't make any comments anywhere that there might be a photo of him and his brother somewhere).

Otherwise it was back to the usual style; Bitter's style and Mike's stuttering. I also liked Bitter's brief train of thought towards the end, which contrasted very much with what was shown. Especially, this statement that she is the weaker one, precisely because she doesn't open up to anyone. Maybe a first step towards a new Bitter...?

Other points that caught my eye:

My friend from Carmen's seemed to think that chairs were an extravagance.

I don't know why Bitter describes Sakes as a friend here of all places, when you haven't read or heard much about him. It seems a bit strange to hear it from her mouth and I was also confused at the beginning why there is no "he".

I found a jewelry case at the bottom of what had to be Kyle's underwear drawer. I opened it, mostly because I was feeling creepy going through a stranger's briefs.

I don't really understand what you're trying to say in the second sentence. She finds the jewellery box and opens it because she doesn't feel comfortable going through the briefs. And yet at she already opened it? I found the rendering here a bit strange.

I opened it, discovered an engraving inside the lid, "Every hour of every day. A."

Since you're only describing two actions here, I would replace the comma with an and.

Could it be a memento left by some past fiancée?

I get more of an impression that Kyle is homosexual. Everything you've heard and read about him so far points to that.

"He's...Kyle's...K-K-Kyle's gay."

Here it is. I was actually under the impression that Bitter could recognise something like that and describe "fiancée" as "fiancé". Or at least make a brief comment.

"Mike?" I said, because he had drifted away and was now leafing through a photo album.
He looked my way and, unexpectedly, grinned.
"What?" I asked.
"M-Mike. Does that me-mean we're friends now?"

Maybe it's a bit late, but I've lost the thread here. Sorry to note so many things here that confuse me, but in this paragraph, does Bitter speak first, then her again, and then Mike? But then why is he pronouncing his own name? Or should it say Bitter? I think it's just the name you got mixed up there.

Have fun writing!

Mailice




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Wed Sep 26, 2018 1:33 am
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mellifera wrote a review...



Hey papillote! Happy RevMo!

Hope you don't mind me swinging by today- I noticed your chapter has been sitting in the back of the Green Room for a while now. I haven't read any of the previous instalments, however, so I apologise if my review is not up to par as it would be if I had! Still, I'll try to help out as best I can :)


Considering the number and variety of lamps in the apartment, it looked like it was always the case.


I understand why this observation would be made but I have to ask? Regardless of how often the shutters are closed or not, in the times they were, wouldn't it still be dark? Or, I mean, wouldn't the lighting be low regardless of how often the shutters were closed in the darker hours/when they were closed, thus rendering the need for more lamps and more lights? Or what if Kyle just likes lamps? I'm...not sure how much sense this made.

Then, there was the small bedroom with its attached bathroom.


I understand the descriptions here and all, but how does she know there is a bedroom and bathroom there? Unless there's no wall, which is what this makes it sound like? Maybe she notices a door instead?

I needed no more to Trance for Kyle Murphy.


Is this supposed to be Trance or Trace? I only ask because you said Kyle was missing, so I'm just...assuming haha. Apologies if I'm wrong here.

The more we talked, the less her stammered


I don't think you need this sort of?? Exposition here?? I think you can leave it up to your readers to be able to tell that Mike gets more comfortable with her rather than, well, saying it like this.

Could take a while before I fall into a Trance.


OOPS sorry haha that was my bad.


I think overall I would have liked to see a little smoother flow with the sentences? In the beginning and a little bit towards the end, it felt a little short and choppy. I mean, take this with a grain of salt because I tend to take mine too long, but I thought I'd mention it.


Still! Your writing style is clean and nice to read, and I love how Bitter's personality really affects and draws the narrative along. I'm also really intrigued by her abilities? She's an oracle, right? I'm not sure if there are forms of magic in this universe (it seems like a modern/contemporary setting, yes?) or if Oracles are the only one, but it's still interesting!


I think that's all I have for today! I enjoyed the read and I hope you keep it up, because you've got some nice work here :D

I hope you're having a great time!

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Fri Sep 07, 2018 2:51 am
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rosette wrote a review...



Hey there, papillote! :D

I reviewed an earlier chapter of this novel a while ago, but I still don't know the full plot of the story, so I shall be focusing on other aspects in this review. :]

I do remember saying I liked the voice of the Main Character, Bitter, and I'll say it once again! She's kind of funny, sarcastic, and witty. And this isn't just evident in her thoughts (*cough cough* Paradise Lost is now Found xD) but in her dialogue, as well - the way she talks to Mike ("I'm not going to tattle to your mother"). She's great.

Mike, on the other hand, seems sweet and loving. I did struggle with his dialogue, though. The broken words were difficult to get through. And while I know you were only trying to show how he has speech problems or was nervous, sometimes I thought his sentences were too chopped up? For example:

"His…Oh, r-right, he didn-n’t want it back. Kyle w-wanted to gi-ve it away. B-but, then, he lost-t it."

This has a lot. I didn't even read it through the first time I read this chapter. Just sort of skipped and skimmed. I'd suggest taking out some of those broken-up words and trying other methods to show his speech impediment. Like maybe repeating a word or two: "he didn't - he didn't want it back."
Play around with it. Have fun. Just don't use too much of the same thing.

Now on to some specifics!

You came in through a big living room with a small kitchen area behind a long metallic counter. Then, there was the small bedroom with its attached bathroom.

This description was too vague for me to understand. I had to read it through a couple times to try and get the picture of what you were saying, and you don't want your reader doing that. The problem seems to be none of these are connected. With the exception of the bedroom and the bathroom. But how does the living room relate to the kitchen (is it behind it? or before it? to the right or left?) And nothing about these descriptions are particularly eye-catching and memorable. The metallic counter is off to a good start, but "big" living room sounds cliche. Try using words that are more unique and fun. Maybe toss in some descriptions that don't just stick with the reader but give a fuller description of Kyle. Are there stains on the couch? Empty soda cans laying around? He does appear to be a rather messy guy.
Also: how did Bitter see every room in the house when she first walked in?

It was a chaos of clothes and discarded books. The bathroom was even worse.

Once more: description. What's it really like? Give us the gross details. How is the bathroom worse?

While Mike did the dishes, I ventured into the bedroom.

why is Mike doing the dishes?

“M-Mike. Does that me-mean we’re friends now?"

Awwww <3

Like, I said, I don't know much about the plot, but I do like how nice and to-the-point this chapter was. The characters came in with a goal in mind, got what they were looking for, found out some essentials, and improved their relationship a bit. There wasn't any filler or unnecessary stuff, and I thought that was awesome.

Keep up the good work, and I'll see ya around! :D
~rosette <3

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papillote says...


I'll obviously try to improve my descriptions.
What you said about Mike's stutter made me think about a Christie book, "Murder in Mesopotamia". At some point, the narrator complains that Poirot's broken English was so annoying that she put everything he said in correct English, but that she wanted us to KNOW how bad his English was. I can sympathize. I haven't yet decided what to do with Mike, but maybe I'll pull something of a Christie in the end.



rosette says...


Oh, yes! I do remember reading that in her book.
You could try that. I'm curious as to how it would turn out. :p



papillote says...


Yes, I don't want it to feel clunky or disrespectful, but it's a challenge to represent Mike's disability faithfully and not to ruin my dialogue at the same time.




"You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it."
— We Bought A Zoo