Young Writers Society

It was good, but the ending was a little vague to me. i think you need to elabarate more on that but other then that i really enjoyed it. keep up the good work.

I find this poem short and blunt, but in a good way. It gets the point across without all of the extra elements. Sometimes poetry is all about balance: sometimes within the poem; sometimes within the mind of the poet him/herself. (Was that the proper use of a semicolon? Sorry if it's not, I have trouble with those.)
By that, I mean that sometimes a writer has to get it all out in a short burst, not adding the detail put into many poems. This feels to me like that time of poem, which I tend to enjoy.
In summary, well done.

I was kinda confused on the poem but its good. I didn't really understand this part-----I am an idiot
because if I wasn't, you'd leave. I am coarse because I know what matters.------It just my opinion so you dont have to change it if you don't want to but i think it might sound better like this----- I am an idiot because if I wasn't you'd leave. I am coarse because I know what really matters.

In this simplicity is key. I like your poem, it takes away everything except what you want to say. No extravagant word play.

I am an idiot
because otherwise you'll leave.

Hello there,

Personally I found this very simplistic and short, which aren't bad things except this was a little too bland in my opinion. I didn't really find the layout or idea in this very special either and the concept you were trying to display wasn't very clear and this poem as a whole was slightly bleak. Despite that though, I did really like the language and description you combined in this. There is also no spelling or grammar mistakes which is also very good. I think this was pulled down because it is quite an over used topic that you are trying to write about here. The actual language and efficient use of grammar is very admirable. Keep writing and try to use less common poetry topics.

From CuteJackRussell

Hi first off, I want to say it's amazing how SmilinG did such a long review on a short piece! Go you!

Anyways, I'm pretty sure this was about a girl being abused by a guy and she starts to believe she really is all the things he calls her. Am I right? There were no mechanical issues that I saw, but there are some issues. this is too short to really let the reader know exactly what's going on.

I am ignorant
because I state my opinion. So far I think that the MC believes that they are ignorant and that they state there opinion. YEah, i'm real helpful here! XD
I am a liar
because I strive to please. now I know that the Mc's trying to please someone, but who? Everyone? One person? a group? I also think that your MC believes she's a liar.
I am an idiot
because otherwise you'll leave. Ok now the I'm thinking that the Mc's dating a guy who only dates her because she's an idiot?
I am coarse
because I know what matters. Now I'm starting to get the idea that the MC doesn't really believe she's ignorant, lying and idiotic because her answer to this question is good because it's good to know what matters, it shows moral compass.
I am logical
because I won't be swept away. Now I'm almost positive the MC thinks highly of herself and is just repeating saying random things. You're throwing logical in with idiot. I'm getting confuzzled
I am alive
because you want me to be.

PBH, I am actually rather surprised with this piece of work. I don't even feel like introing into this because I'm actually in a regretful stupor about this whole thing, if you don't mind. Not that I didn't like it. On the contrary, I actually found I really liked this piece. Almost too much.

Now, before we go on thinking my opinion is unfounded, I wanted to say that, over the years on this site, I have seen some really amazing imagery. Some beautifully sculpted and time-consuming poems that must have taken more than a few days to fully flesh out in the manner they did. Poetry, that in any aspects, was glorious.

And then I looked at this piece and thought to myself how simple it was. How it lacked form. It lacked stanza. It lacked imagery and poetic device. In fact, it lacked quite a bit, if you don't mind me saying, and I could have gone on for days about it, but I don't want to because I liked this. In fact, it might be one of my favourites on the site, simply because you wrote it in a way where it didn't have to be anything more than lines of contradiction. Lines that proved your point.

So I'm going to have to say that this is lovely. A strong piece of poetry because of the fact you went for it. You posted it without it having some of the key-aspects of poetry that so many would shake their heads at if it were lacking. I'm not usually the type to like things without poetic device as is.

The only thing I have a problem with is the last line. You make this poem a mesh of contradictions. A simple-worded yet impacting sort of idea. Then you make it about someone else by directing it towards a certain person. I think I would have perfered it if you were speaking towards your readers instead of a certain person.

Other than that, surprising interesting.
~Walker

Hey there paperbackheart. This was a pretty simple poem in my opinion. Maybe even a little too simple to lend any real constructive criticism, seeing as there's not much to fall back on. What I can say about this is that there's probably a whole lot that can be added to make it a little more alive with depth.

I sort of like the whole idea you have going on with the whole self loathing concept, but I also feel that it's maybe been done one too many times before. You want to be able to really set yourself apart from other writers by thinking up things you can build onto this poem with, that are original. Maybe by putting in some real thought and emotion into it. I think that you could go a long way by going along the lines of that a little more, rather than just stating so simply, I am ignorant, I am a liar, etc. Delve more into why these things are true. Make it more impactful to the readers eyes. Let them understand why these things are so, so that it doesn't become just words that are being read over. Anyone can state the obvious and be simple. I think with poetry, your goal may want to be to make this stand out in its own unique way. It could use some building onto I think.

The way you ended it seemed a little vague. I didn't really catch as much fire from it as I'm sure you might have been meaning to send out. I wish I could have been able to read more reason for the ending to be true. I just seemed like you were just saying it to state it.

Anyway, good luck with this. I hope my review may in some way be of help to you.