At the house on the hill where the evergreens grew,
By the lake where we fished when our love was still new,
We had talked; we had walked to the end of the roads
We had pride in our stride and made high all our lows
.
At the house on the hill where the evergreens grew,
On the swing where we laughed, it was then when I knew
That our talks and our walks were much more than a game
And quite soon, if I could, I would give you my name
.
At the house on the hill where the evergreens grew,
In the dark of the night when the stars shined for you,
With no care in the world, we made love in the grass
With a passionate heat no one else could surpass
.
At the house on the hill where the evergreens grew,
Where we laid in the grass through the frost and the dew
I had seen all to come, but I was not aware
That I could have been wrong, and I truly despaired
.
At the house on the hill where the evergreens grew,
In the door where we kissed and I waited for you,
In my sorrow I stood, and I knew you were gone
From the house on the hill where I've waited so long.
.
At the house on the hill where the evergreens grew,
The trees all stayed green like my love has for you.
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Canary word: Present
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129,796 Literary Works • 671,510 Reviews
Gummy here, reviewing another poem for Review Day! ...Cause I honestly don't have anything better to do, and because this is a FIXED-VERSE POEM!
No, seriously. I love these. They're so clean-cut, like-- Yeah, you get the idea.
So, without further ado, let's begin this review! Gummy's the name, reviewing's my game! Toni--I mean today, we're reviewing "At the House on the Hill", by nicholas42! It's an amazing display of my favorite form of poetry!
Ah, tragic love. Have we not all been through it at some point in our lives? Alas, this poor man waited so long for a lover who left and never came back... Aside from the FIXED VERSE and the rhyme scheme, my favorite part about the poem was the story it told. The grammar is pristine, as always. The theme is firm, and the poem looks nice and organized! (Of course, it's a fixed verse, after all~) Ah, young love. Like the scent of fresh lemons. Huh? I'm not old! Of course I'm not! Why would I be in YWS then?
Anyway, onto the "what could be"... as in "what could be changed for the better"! I noticed a lack of imagery, which can easily be added in future works by alluding to the five senses (sight, scent, hearing, taste, and touch) in any way. It's a really effective literary device, especially in poetry, since it helps create a vivid image of what the poem portrays.
That's about it! Keep writing, take care, and don't forget that the key is to keep practicing! I expect to read more of your works in the near future!
Hello there, a quick review on your poem here!
What I like about the poem is the flow that goes well with some rhythm which created effectively to form a beats that sounds good. It's like a ballad poem with narrative element infused in each stanza. But here, it looks more modern with a casual style of language.
The story starts with a good rhyme. It is a natural stop that makes it flow smoothly. You can also create a setting with strong imagery.
This is my favorite part. Rhythms created effectively (without looking like made limited to the rhythm) and gives deep meaning behind them. Instead of stating outright, you give space to the readers to think about the feelings / situation they are experiencing.
Another thing that makes this poem interesting is that you create dramatic impact on your poem. It ended with a somewhat sad but in a beautiful way to conclude how your love is still green as the trees at the house on the hill. I like the metaphor as well as the simile you create here. Good job!
Keep writing! Kudos, cheers
I had enjoyed your poem Mr. Nicholas.
I presume you've written your fair share of poems, had your fair share of criticisms and praises.
I am not sure which you would prefer more, criticism or praises; to be more precise, I'm not quite sure what poets seek in writing their poems and what they seek in showing their poems. So I'm a bit conflicted as to how I am to write this review. I'll try an honest approach, and you can choose to take my word at honesty or uphold your incredulity towards my sincerity.
There is an overabundance of love poems out there.
There is something quite lovely about love, and we want to express it with our lives.
Poetry, I believe, is a small step in attaining such a lofty goal.
Yet in poetry we must take great care to not just speak of love; that isn't enough.
To just say I loved her, she loved me, the end, would be atrocious, in my fair opinion.
You don't do that, so we're off to a great start; so then what is the normative for a poem?
That, I believe is subject to much discussion, but despite the answer escaping an objective certainty, poets must hold on to some sort of faith in the "perfect poem" nonetheless. To be without that objective would make one's poems devoid of purpose, willful intent, and ambition.
It is man's obsession, dedication, and faith in the normative which allows him to express art, let alone a poem of great beauty.
So I will ask what was your normative, your faith in writing this love poem?
3 stanzas of lovely love
2 stanzas of love deferred and somber reflection.
1 final stanza of nostalgic remembrance
You had nice lines here and there:
> pride in our strides and made high all our lows
> in my sorrow I stood
etc.
Yet, the story told is that of any other story, is it not?
This, however, should not detract from the quality of your poem; yet, it
will call for a higher level of sophistication, a heightened sense of tension.
Tension.
This is one of my normatives for love poems, a personal necessity I proudly cling to.
You can disagree with that normative of mine, but my review will be seen in that lens.
The first three stanza's love was established too easily, its expression wasn't bad, but it's content was without a hint of the tension to come.
You met, you talked, you shared a night of love together, yet in none of these was tension remotely evoked. No shadow of doubt, no trembling, no insecurity, no fear, and in that completely innocent trance of love, the main character marched down the road of despair only to be left with nostalgia.
I think this poem could benefit a lot from seeking complexity within the character and his views on his lover, love, himself, and his demise. It's not enough for the main character to have met, to loved, and to made love to her and then despair it ended. We should aim for more, a greater height!
I say this in respect to you as a fairly older poet (there are a lot of middle schoolers and young high schoolers who are just beginning to venture into the world of poetry).
I'd like to believe that you share in my belief no poem is perfect. It anguishes me to read my own poems, and at the same time it motivates me to take a bolder next step.
I enjoyed your poem.
I look forward to your next works.
If you'd like feel free to comment on some of my works as well.
Scarf
I am 21
These works are far from perfect, far from being good, but they are my attempts at poetry.
I'd love your two cents on the matter.
Warm Regards,
Jcha92
Ok, there should be 4 line stanzas, but the editing option is being dumb right now and won't allow me to insert spacing. I apologize. I improvised with periods. Anyway, let me know what y'all think.