At Midnight

Hey there! Cailey here with a review on this fine review day.

First off, you've got a nice beginning to a poem here. It's a good concept and I feel like what you are trying to say is well thought out and should be said.

You've got a few little problems here, but you're the writer, so keep in mind that anything I say is just suggestions. At the end of the day you're the one who gets to decide what you keep and what you change and what you add.

I think you've got good rhythm for the most part, but there are some places where the lines don't quite match up and I had to stop reading to try and wrestle the line to fit with the others. Maybe you had too many syllables or too few. In any case, you should read this out loud to someone else and see how it sounds, or better yet, have someone else read this out loud to you.

Also, try and add some more details and more figurative language. We want to be in the room with this guy, not just reading about him. We want to feel his emotions and know what he's thinking. Poetry is all about emotion, so make sure that this piece evokes emotion for the readers. Again, we want to feel the character and see him- not just read about him.

I hope this helps, you've got a nice foundation, and I look forward to reading more of your work. Let me know if you need anything, from a question to a review or anything in between.

Keep writing!

This definitely made me smile and chuckle to myself a little that made my day and its only 30mins in! I had to check the other reviews to make sure it wasn't just my sometimes dirty mind very heart warming and funny at the same time, an increasingly rare thing to come by. Loved it <3

Wow this was a lovely, sexy piece if poetry! Lets do a line by line review, shall we?


"At midnight I’m poultry
As white as the sheets
And the pillows that match;
I’ve no courage beneath"

This is a really solid stanza. I would consider using line breaks to divide this poem into stanzas. It's would make the price organized and would help with the cadence.

"These feathers I’ve sprouted
At a single soft touch,
And her movements have made me
Start thinking too much."

I like the majority of this stanza. However I would consider reformatting the latter half so it reads like this:

"Her movements have made
Me start thinking too much"

I think this reads better and flows more rhythmically with the rest if the poem.

"Are these fingers or feathers
That trace her soft skin?
Am I human or bird,
And when’d this begin?"

Another great stanza. However I would consider rewording the last line so it reads like this:

"When did this begin?"

I would try to avoid using the word "and" so often in your writing.

"As she took me inside,
Or the time I first called?
Was it when I realized
I had her enthralled?"

This stanza I don't really care for. I would consider rewording it so it reads like this:

"As she took me inside,
Maybe the first time I called?
Was it then that I realized
I had her enthralled?"

I feel like this was the point you are trying to make is more clear to the reader.

"Perhaps if I hadn’t
Began with my games
I wouldn’t have had
Shit luck with these dames.
It’s one thing to play
A game with no rules;
It’s another one to
Play the game as blind fools."

The last two stanzas I really like. I think this is a good piece and with some revisions I think it could be truly great. Remember that writing is a journey and rewriting is a large part of that. Happy trails!

I like the imagery in this poem! I pictured everything in soft, light tones. The feminine undertone was displayed through the poem until mention of the game. A game brings on a more masculine tone that should be mentioned in the beginning so that it can be twisted together. The feminine then suddenly masculine switched too fast for me. Other than that this poem was super cool.