An enchanted object,
with your lingering scent,
I so proudly wear, in hopes
of becoming a better man
worth so great a gift from you.
-
To become a better man,
to become someone worth
you, your nobility, sensitivity,
capricious sentiments, wavering
insecurities, careful calculations,
and rosy cheeks; yet,
your fragile walls, ever present,
if I ever dared to scale,
would it not crumble
violently and undo
all that I have
treasured?
-
So I, in affectionate retreat, wait,
observe, pray only for your joy —
an act of selflessness, more edifying
for my soul than yours; yet, your million
gestures of gratitude, a million more
apologies, make my heart
waver, tempting me to cross the
line you had drawn.
-
So, I must wait,
and dispel all hope,
for to chase that which I desire
is the very act of selfish horror
I do not wish to impart you —
you who reside in a fragile shell
peeking out only when you find it safe,
quick to retreat, to shun and shame
all lovers who have dared for your heart.
-
How many words could I devote to thee?
Yet, none of these words I will speak,
for you find comfort in the silence of others,
so too I shall be silent, and await your command
and respond duly, faithfully, and wish for your
happiness, be happy and I too will be at peace,
albeit, painful, a peace greater than all pain
one were to incur from hope deferred.
-
Self-denied, but that is fine,
to deny one self willingly, knowingly,
is a life well lived, and in doing so,
you have become an object
of my silent adoration.
-
Yet, I wait, half expecting,
half dreading, the day
I would no longer
be of any use. When you
would no longer call on me,
ask of me favors.
-
Can I be satisfied when
you no longer need me, if your happiness
had no contingency with my offerings? Yes,
I must, and so I wait with heavy thoughts,
still joyous over each moment I am
blessed by your presence, your words,
your thanks and grace,
knowing it shall not last.
Yes, you have made my waking reality,
each moment a dream,
a dream I would have to wake from,
I will awake, knowing it will have all passed.
-
Time will pass, it will pass, and I too will pass,
you, however, will be held in my regards,
worshipped eternal, glorified eternal,
always remembered as something beautiful
I could never have, and will never venture
to make mine, for who could have you?
Only those you deem worthy, and I
can only dream of such worth.
-
So I shall only bear that dream
wrapped around my neck,
your object enchanted,
gifted with meaning,
received with much more,
as a remembrance of my
self-condemnation and cowardice,
of my worthlessness, and yet,
’tis but a dream, a dream,
it will pass, and when I wake,
of what worth will I be?
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129,936 Literary Works • 671,510 Reviews
I'm going to just speed through this one, skip the introductions and jump straight into the review. I'm sure you've been through many of these, and I only have, like, one point to say that has yet to have been said by the other reviewers.
Okay, so what I most liked about the poem is this... "undulating" idea you have on it. The pattern continues for so long, I couldn't even consider it unintentional by chance! It reminds me of (what else?) the folds and wrinkles of a scarf! Now this piece is making me imagine a scarf knitted with these words as thread! I love concrete poetry almost as much as fixed-verse poetry, so you have a plus with me right there! Side note: I love alliteration, too, and that last line (which I just reread) stole the show for me!
The grammar is pristine, as I'd expect from anyone here, and the structure is amazing, as I described beforehand.
As always, take care and remember, practice is key! I expect to read more from you in the future!
Thank you very much for your generous review.
As you may know, the piece is far from perfect; no piece really is perfect in my opinion. So many works leave something more to be desired, and this piece is no exception. I still very much appreciate your review and am even more enthralled to hear you've enjoyed it.
Feel free to go through a few of my older poems if you'd like, and if there is a poem you'd like me to review PM or respond to this message.
Best Regards,
Jae
This is beautiful. I am usually the type to write long, extensive, drawn out reviews that dwell upon every subtle detail of a piece. But I can't. Not this time, at least.
Sheesh, where do I begin?
Well, immediately, you reminded me of how passionately obsessed I used to be with the word "capricious"-- it just feels so write on the tongue.
So that's cool.
And then, of course, the theme.
The theme of this poem is alright.
It's good, but it's not like WOAH WOW OH MY GOD AMAZING good.
But personally, I absolutely adore it.
I'm just saying that in the long run, it's shaky.
But hey, so is all poetry.
So don't care about it.
Now, the DICTION is where this little piece of writing becomes a brilliantly glowing piece of art.
I don't need to draw out examples. You know exactly how you wrote and you did it on purpose. It is spectacular.
Being able to communicate doesn't make one a writer, it makes one able to communicate.
Having a grasp on language doesn't make one a writer, it makes one further able to express.
Being able to manipulate linguistics to both feel and sound appropriate to a subject is being a writer, and you have by far done such.
This piece and most all of the details and elements concerning it are brilliant.
Very good work, I see no room for improvement.
And I'm a poetry prude.
Keep writing
xoxo
Kitty
Thank you for your kind words; it's really flattering.
I read back on my poems whenever a review comes, and I can't help but look back and notice the many flaws that still remain. I fight the temptation to go back and edit them out. Still, it does my heart good to hear you liked the piece.
I am planning on writing a poem about my home city soon and will love for you to review if you ever feel up to the task.
If you'd like me to read any of your works for review, feel free to PM me a link or respond to this message.
Best Regards,
Jae
Hi.
"How many words could I devote to thee?
Yet, none of these words I will speak"
This line just took my breath away.
Here's my Review:
That was a beautiful poem!!!! It flowed so smoothly. I loved it!! I didn't know that a scarf could hold so many thoughts, dreams, hopes, and things that you are dreading. But you made it happen. I'm quite new here, but I in all my life have never seen such a good and free flowing poem.
It didn't have complex rhyming patterns, yet the beauty and how heart to heart it was made it better than all the rest. It shone out. Nice work!!
Hey!
^_^
Here's my review on your poem.
This is one of the most marvelous poems I have ever read.
You described your emotions regarding the gift so beautifully, it almost made me cry . I'm so overwhelmed, and I am left wondering that if such a mystifying poem could ever be composed on an object like a 'scarf'?!
Wow! That was classic.
Since the day I joined YWS, I read and reviewed many poems, and although I enjoyed all of them, but yours creation outstood them because yours was as simple but still so sophisticated as a rose.
I don't know what else to say, it's just that I feel that passion within your words and how strongly you are connected with that scarf. I reckon, it was a gift from somebody who means a world to you.
Great!
I hope people keep gifting you special things, and you keep describing them in beautifully laid out poetry of yours.
Stay as wonderful you are.
God bless