deleted

Hihi, thanks for the feedback, Aspiring and Angels-Symphony!
But I'm gonna have to make a stand here - this is exactly the way the story should start. With the protagonist swirling in confusing nothingness. I believe I can evade the 'hook' thing for two reasons: one - this, according to my plan, is the 12th or 13th story in a cycle; and two - the general plot has been around for over 2000 years and needs no introduction.
Sweet Angels-Symphony, the dark cloud is not 'the weather':), far from it.
Anyway, thanks to both reviewers

Hello again napalm.

Then even all this grew dim. He felt as if his eyes were closed. He felt as if he was in a body again. A real body. But so strange, this feeling. As if... As if he was feeling the rotten flesh on his body knit itself back. There was no pain, but a strong tingling sensation, as if he was inside some sort of electromagnetic field. A small iron nail surrounded by magnets on all sides, spinning, spinning, spinning...

Hey Napal ^^ Shina here to do a review for you I've been on hiatus for a while, and I just came back this morning. You haven't gotten any feedback, so I decided you'll be my first person to review without my purple title I'm a bit rusty, but I think I can manage.

I. Nitpicks

napalmerski wrote:

Time seemed to move in different ways here.

The first line is supposed to be the hook, yes? It's the window to the story, and it has to be just right. I won't rant about its importance, but I will tell you that it need to hook the reader, draw them in. This first line isn't doing the job for me, but I'll check your supporting sentences to see if it's alright.

He had almost forgotten his life before. Floating in the white swirling clouds it seemed to him that both eternity and a moment were the same. Therefore, he felt as if he had been there for but a moment. He felt as if he had been there for an eternity.

Okay, you definitely need to fix this first paragraph. It takes a lot of effort to understand what's going on in the story, and it doesn't seem like the effort is worth it.

I think the best way to fix this beginning is by making it active. Literary agents say that they do not like slow beginnings that just sit there and describe the scene. You should be more creative and explain whatever it is you're explaining later in the story, because the beginning is where you're supposed to get your story on its wheels and get it rolling.

Somewhere on the periphery of this cloudy world a darker portion pulsated, ever reminding him to not go that way. It was an outer darkness, from which laments could be heard, weeping, gnashing of teeth.

Researched the Lazarus legend, aparently one school of thought points to France, the other to Cyprus. Absolutely not my invention