My Inspiration

Hmm. Okay. I liked this poem, especially the idea behind it, but I also think you're toeing the line between "good" and "stereotypical", and I almost think that you're edging towards stereotypical. Some of the words and phrases you used in here were kind of original, but overall I just got the feeling of "this has already been said". That's not entirely your fault. This topic has been taken and worked over to pieces. I applaud you for trying to say something here, but maybe try and take a more original path to it.

This is just our beginning,
Not our end.
We have only just begun our journey,
Which will be long for us to complete.
Although we can’t predict our futures,
We can make our fantasy into a reality.
It’s just a simple thing,
But it may be rough.
They’re things you don’t wanna do,
As well as to hear and see.
You must survive through it.
(This first stanza was pretty good. The wording could be improved somewhat, but it was a more original take than what I was expecting.)

If you just believe in yourself,
You can do, be, and achieve whatever you want.
No one can hold you back,
Except yourself.
You can do it,
Don’t ever let people bring you in any way.
This is just our beginning,
Not our end.
Just make sure you think wisely,
Of the time you spend.
(The last stanza was more, in my eyes at least, stereotypical. Up until the last two lines, these were all words that I've heard a million times. I wasn't really expecting the last two lines, however. Those words I've heard more in poems about valuing life, but not in inspiration. So thumbs up for using them there. )

Overall, this poem has potential, but it definitely could stand some improvement. Think outside the box and don't be afraid to try something different. Good luck!

This was very inspirational. A pleasant read. However, I do agree with one of the other users. Some of the stanzas seemed long and out-of place. I wouldn't say that took away from the poem, however it didn't add to it. Try to make the stanzas flow or group together similar ideas at similar lengths. But if you can't do that, well then that's fine too.

What I liked is this repetition though-this is our beginning, not our end. I thought that was sweet and put an eztra touch onthis poem. I think it's always nice to read a poem that lifts your apirita instead of kills it, which you did here. Nicely done and good luck with your future writing career.

Hi

This was really the pick me up I needed from what happened today.

I thought it was cleverly worded, however I do agree with ScandalousPheonix about turning the lines into stanzas, as to me it just makes it something more to look at, I mean I don't know poetry greatly (and I'm awful at writing it), but I have been studying Shakespeare's work for the past 3 months and I probably wouldn't have read the poems/sonnets if they weren't written with the Stanzas.

But all in all great job!

Hello!

The shortness of the poem was good and you got your point across which was lovely. The metaphors completed the piece.

But I feel as if you could break the lines into more stanzas, since there's a couple of just natural breaks like here:

This is just our beginning,

Not our end.


We have only just begun our journey,

Which will be long for us to complete.


Although we can’t predict our futures,

We can make our fantasy into a reality.


It’s just a simple thing,

But it may be rough.


They’re things you don’t wanna do,

As well as to hear and see.


You must survive through it."


There's more natural breaks throughout so just make them into stanzas....

Other than that, I really can't find any mistakes! It's amazing!! <333

Any questions, message me...

~scandalousphoenix

This was good.

I think it could be a little longer however, but overall all I like it.

I like the second part the most, and I think it's good. I don't see any spelling errors or grammar errors, etc...

I like it, and I think it is a nice inspiration piece.

Well, thanks much!

Thanks,

pegasusgirl2

Let me begin.
Shorter then the normal poem
I like this.
Yes your inspiration
Dr.Strangelove gives you!
7.6/10