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141,399 Literary Works • 674,390 Reviews
good day!
okay, your poems really cute. this guy, the poet, is pouring his heart out and proclaiming his love for his girl and giving all the obvious romantic references, you're my princess; I'm your Romeo; you're my goddess;my queen and stuff like this.
but to be honest, I'm really not sure if it stands out or not cause every once in a while someone writes stuff like this using the same references but anyway every piece comes out from one's heart and personally it's really beautiful to read and is, i repeat, very cute.
thank you
Puck
Wow, I think this is the first work I've read from you.
Great job.
To start off with the review, I think I should say, this poem has alot of potential. You love her, and you want to tell her that but if she says no, you don't want to ruin the great relationship as friends that you've already started. So in love that you end up letting out you're emotions in this poem; which makes me tear up because emotion is what a poem is, actually. So true. I bet you're thinking- 'no, duh,'...But I just wanted to point that out, thank you very much. : )
I think what you can do, to make the fomat look better, is seperate it a little. Maybe this way?
But I do like the slight rhyme scheme you have going on here. It makes the poem come alive in my opinion, and I really like that in a writer. So, thumbs up for that.
Detail, detail, detail! You added it in the poem, which made me jump in exitement - not literally- and that's good. Maybe add a little more and this poem would've been PERFECT.
That's all really. Overall, this was great and I'd like to read more of you're works! Swing by here if you need another review!
~Pix
This is a very sweet poem. And well crafted also. There is a little mistake on line 6. "Your are" So just touch that up and it'll be fine
I agree with niteowl that more personal touches are necessary. Maybe hint into how the girl this is directed to responds. Describe her a little bit. Anyway it is a very nice poem! Nice work!
I think this is a cute poem, but it could be improved by adding more personal touches. Unrequited love is a common subject because everyone's felt it, so everyone can relate to it. Of course, the flip side of that is they tend to use the same images over and over so they all sound the same (princess/goddess/wiping away tears/Romeo and Juliet).
To counter-act this, I'd add more personal details. Right now anyone could have written this; what makes your story stand out? How did you meet this girl? How long have you known her? What's so great about her (physical and personality wise)? What images come to mind when you think of her? Give the reader some interesting details that show your story.
Overall, this is well-written, but could be more interesting with personal images. Keep writing!