At a very young age, people would stare at me. Not in a bad way necessarily but in a kind of silent awe. I never have understood why but they did. I would walk into a room and they'd start whispering or staring. I couldn't deal with it at first, I would always run to my mother when it started happening and start crying about how people weren't accepting me and talking behind my back. My mother would always comfort me and say, "It's because your beautiful." Then smile shyly and let me go run to what I had been doing before. I soon got over it and found a friend who wouldn't be mean or run away from me, that helped a lot with my confidence and has let me learn how to deal with all the attention.
I realized after a while, people don't like something different. It feels strange and foreign because it can be hard to work with. I know I've tried to not let things change and I know that at some point in your own life that you've done the same thing. I guess it's everybody's Achille's heel. It's something that you have to work with over time. If they don't like the change, they will do anything to change it back. If they can't, they start hating it and want to destroy it completely. They hate angels for this exact reason.
-------------------------
School is the bane of my existence.
"Hey Le can you get some blankets, I starting to get c-cold."
My best friend looked at me like I'm mental. "You know that I will only do this for you because your so weird."
I rolled my eyes and she winked at me, then she went to retrieve the blankets.
When she's comes back, I don't hear her until the blankets are on my face.
"what you dreaming about Autumn?"
"Well I was pondering the thought of young love but you know just the usual."
She rolls her eyes, "Oh no! Don't start obsessing over that again! We've discussed this, it's possible at a certain point."
I sighed and turned to my lovely friend. She's the bravest and toughest girl I know. She can make anyone love her and no one could ever win an argument against her. She has the most prettiest sun-kissed skin and long brown hair. She was tall and gracefully . She somehow had stuck with me, even if I had strangely green-blue eyes and wheat-colored hair that was thick and always was getting to hot for me. I was the weird one that stuck out, the one that was always getting stared at for no apparent reason, but that never worried Leyla. She stayed my friend and never left my side.
"Raemen is still dating Zailen. She's no good for him, she is never nice to anyone except when she wants to use you."
I can tell that she still like him, whatever she says.
"Hey don't worry! You'll be able to get him next time, tiger."
She cracks a grin.
"If you're wondering, I don't like him it's just... he's a good friend and I don't want him getting hurt."
"Yeah of course!" Don't worry, I'll pretend you don't like him.
We're silent for a moment and in that moment, I lost my focus. That means that my wings unfurled around me and showed every intricate line of the white-golden feathers. I look at them and damn they are so hard to from the world with all their devilish and wicked glory.
"Damn I Hate every single one of these accursed feathers!"
"I wish I could help with the burden!" Leyla turns to me. "It's not fair that you can't do anything about them!"
"Leyla it's alright, I'm ok see? I'm fine! There's nothing wrong." I cross my fingers and pray to God that she wouldn't see the lie in front of her. I hated when Leyla is upset about my wings. Their nobody's problem except my own.
"I know that's what you keep saying but I can sometimes I see the anguish in your face when it's getting hard. Autumn I sometimes think that you should just go to the Angel sanctuary, so you'd be safe!"
I jerk up surprised. "That will never happen! You see, Those angels are everything that people say they are. Dreamy, unrealistic, mischievous and liars. They act as if there's nothing better to do than wait out life. There's something terribly wrong with them."
At that moment, the nightly pain started acting up and I knew that I had to get out. I had to before Leyla saw me break down. Before anyone saw me because this was my own problem and no one else. They may know being pure beauty and goodness was a hell of a burden but no one knows at what expense. I had to get out.
"I-i gotta go, Le. I feel sick" I could feel the lacing pain start to spread. Come on Autumn keep it together for another minute.
"Oh. Are you ok? Do you need me to drive you home?" She was surprised. "I could-"
I cut her short. "No No, I'm totally fine. I just need some rest. Tell your parents that I had to go right away and that I loved dinner."
I grabbed my coat and leapt off the roof. My wings caught me and I sailed smoothly down to the road. I was just a dark shadow running away from the damage that it so easily created. I couldn't hold them anymore so I felt the cool trickle of tears. And the sobs that wracked my body. Only one thought remained and always did. I hated being an angel, I hated being a human with wings.
End of chapter
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140,080 Literary Works • 672,994 Reviews
Nice story! I noticed a few grammatical errors and capitalization errors but otherwise it is really good. I have a few questions about the characters
First off, how did Autumn get her wings? Was it hereditary or a curse? Second, is Leyla her only friend in the story or will there be more?
This is a really good story!! Keep going!!
~NympheaLily
Autumn's wings are kind of a mystery but I'll be explaining later. Also, Autumn is only friends with Leyla right now but later will have more friends.
Thanks and love you,
M
Hello! Authorian here for a review~~
So just capitalize 'hey' to 'Hey'
First off, beautiful story! The narration and prose is captivating. You have a great talent for writing!
Second, I'd recommend proofreading your writing just a little bit more. I personally use these useful, and free, internet tools on top of reading my writing aloud in order to catch any and all mistakes
http://www.hemingwayapp.com/ - This one is good for making the reading easier to read and weeding out adverbs
http://www.grammarly.com/ - Not as easy to use but good at checking spelling and grammar mistakes.
Also, you can search 'online grammar check' and find one that works best for you
But for now, I went ahead and pointed out a few errors for you below. Please don't take it too harsh as I'm only trying to help and grammar errors are to be expected and easily fixed!!
A few nitpicks to help you out
"i sometimes wouldn't realize I was doing anything,"
Capitalize the 'i'
"School had been going for at least three weeks and I already felt as if I was going to die of exhaustion! "
Not exactly a grammatical error but I'd recommend turning the exclamation point into a simple period. I think the sentence will flow better. (However, it's entirely up to you, it's your work (; )
"I had been given permission to stay out late with leyla. "
You should capitalize the first 'l' in 'leyla' so it's 'Leyla'.
" "hey Le can you get some blankets, I starting to get c-cold." "
Everytime you start a new sentence or paragraph you have to capatalize the first letter. Even when it's dialogue
" I had been so lost in thought that I hadn't heard leyla come back until the blankets "
Capitalize 'leyla' to 'Leyla'
" "what are you dreaming about, my lovely space cadet?"
"nothing, accept if love can last and stay alive at our age." "
As they are both the first words in a sentence, capitalize 'what' and 'nothing' to 'What' and 'Nothing'.
" I can tell that she still like him, whatever she says. "
In this sentence, 'like' would be 'liked'. 'she still liked him,'.
" "hey don't worry! You'll be able to get him next time, tiger." "
Capitalize 'hey' to 'Hey'. Also, this could be a matter of personal preference I believe, but traditionally nicknames are capitalized like first names and surnames. So 'tiger' ought to be 'Tiger'.
" Like would everyones prayers come to you to help figure out? or would you only soar around waiting for the Lord to call on you. "
'or' is the beginning of it's sentence, so capitalize it to 'Or'.
" Damn they were so hard to keep all the devilish and wicked glory from the world. "
Put a ',' after 'Damn'. 'Damn, they were so hard'
" "Damn I Hate every single one of these accursed feathers!" I growled to no one in particular. As the curled back into the shadows. "
Uncapitalize the first letter in 'Hate' so it's 'hate'. Also, 'the' in the third sentence should be 'they'.
" I'm fine, theres nothing wrong with having them "
Change 'theres' to 'there's' because in this sentence is a conjunction of 'there is'.
" "That. will. never. Happen!" I said dead serious. "
This should be ' "That. Will. Never. Happen!" I was dead serious. ' because the first four letters are all there own sentence, and 'I was dead serious' flows better than 'I said dead serious'.
" Dreamy, unrealistic, mischievous, Liars that don't seem to have anything better to do then to wait out life, There's something terribly wrong with them." "
A few grammatical errors here. 'Liars' should be uncapitalized to 'liars'. 'then' should be 'than'. And 'There's' should be 'there's'.
" thats when I started feeling the pain, and I knew that i had to get out before Leyla saw me break down. "
'thats' should be 'That's' because it's the beginning of a sentence AND it's the conjunction of 'that is'. Also, the third 'i' is uncapitalized.
" "I-i gotta go Le. My mom wants me..." "
Even when stuttering, I in reference to onself is always capitalized. 'I-I' instead of 'I-i'
" "A I didn't mean it! i'm sorry." "
'A' as an exclamation is 'Ah'. And the 'I' in 'i'm sorry' should be capitalized.
" I cut her short. "alright bye! "
The 'a' in 'alright' should be capitalized as it is the beginning of a sentence.
" anymore, and so i started to feel the cool trickle of tears. "
The 'i' should be capitalized.
" I hated being an human with wings. "
'a human', not 'an human'
~
Now that that's out of the way, let's get to the best and most important part, story!
I love the story! It's engaging, original, and well presented. I love the characters and am excited to see Autumn grow as a character! Love the angel idea as well, I've never seen it done like this. In fact, so that I don't miss it, I'd appreciate it if you could shoot me a PM when you upload the second chapter
Keep writing! You're really good and could do so much
Best regards,
Authorian~~