When I love you,
i have to speak words
foreign- i can’t begin to know
the phonemes your back creates
when it arches, or the grammar
of satisfied silence.
and i will not force myself to
learn new languages-to love you
to love you- the words run together like raindrops-
because love isn’t something you can
learn in books- we have to learn this language
like our first, when we roll marbles around in our mouths
and bite our tongues when we mean to sing.
then again, i will not avoid learning your syntax-
the vocabulary of rain and stars that drinks words to
stay fluent in loving oneself.
this, then, is your language- the one you were born to speak.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,854 Reviews
Hi Mkultra98,
Wow, I really enjoyed this poem, I loved your comparisons to language and love, it truly is incredible. The punctuation in this piece, is also really well done, it leads you through the poem nicely.
I loved these lines,
"the grammar
of satisfied silence. "
"-to love you
to love you- the words run together like raindrops-"
"the vocabulary of rain and stars that drinks words to
stay fluent in loving oneself. "
They're brilliant, I envy your poetic flare, having said that, I'd love to read more of your work!
Please keep writing! and notify me if you publish any more
-theb00kthi3f
Thanks!
I seriously thought I wasn't going to like this from the first few lines, and then it turned out to be really good. It's very sophisticated in the way that it flows, it isn't necessarily conventional, but it works.
The formatting is a little weird. I'm not actually sure whether I like it, or if it just too confusing. But the last thing you want to be is confusing. The sentences start to feel disjointed when divided over so many lines.
'When I love you,
i have to speak words
foreign'
This was the bit that had me off kilter. 'I have to speak words foreign' doesn't really make sense. I can see the meaning, but it sounds like you forgot half of the sentence. 'Words foreign' is much harder to comprehend than 'foreign words'. That small hiccup at the start is the only feature of this poem that isn't sophisticated and brilliant. The metaphor of language is so consistent and beautifully written.
I love it.
Thank you!