Young Writers Society

Hi Mkultra98,

Wow, I really enjoyed this poem, I loved your comparisons to language and love, it truly is incredible. The punctuation in this piece, is also really well done, it leads you through the poem nicely.

I loved these lines,

"the grammar

of satisfied silence. "


"-to love you

to love you- the words run together like raindrops-"


"the vocabulary of rain and stars that drinks words to

stay fluent in loving oneself. "

They're brilliant, I envy your poetic flare, having said that, I'd love to read more of your work!

Please keep writing! and notify me if you publish any more


-theb00kthi3f

I seriously thought I wasn't going to like this from the first few lines, and then it turned out to be really good. It's very sophisticated in the way that it flows, it isn't necessarily conventional, but it works.
The formatting is a little weird. I'm not actually sure whether I like it, or if it just too confusing. But the last thing you want to be is confusing. The sentences start to feel disjointed when divided over so many lines.
'When I love you,

i have to speak words

foreign'
This was the bit that had me off kilter. 'I have to speak words foreign' doesn't really make sense. I can see the meaning, but it sounds like you forgot half of the sentence. 'Words foreign' is much harder to comprehend than 'foreign words'. That small hiccup at the start is the only feature of this poem that isn't sophisticated and brilliant. The metaphor of language is so consistent and beautifully written.
I love it.