Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
When someone asks me where I grew up,
I say Delaware.
I don’t tell them that
I grew up on a yellow linoleum floor
with patches of tile missing-
so you could see the scars of the old floor underneath.
I grew up catching rainbows cast by a glass door-
forged in Chadds Ford-
while my mother talked to my relatives,
words I somehow knew-
even before I could talk.
“Cocaine. Foreclosure. Guitars. Child support. Mortgage. Homicide.”
These seven words were tossed around in my mind
like a rubber ball, rhythmic
and inescapable.
I learned everything in that sunbathed winter kitchen,
including those deadly words.
Deadly because I learned these words too soon.
Deadly because I grew up feeling as if I had been born confused.
Deadly because I had been born too late for private school
and birthday parties.
So when other children talked about being shuttled to
soccer practice or dance class
I shuttled myself home every day
to wait in an empty house
catch all the sunlight I could in my small hands
and hope it would quell the storm of
scary words
dancing
inside-
replace it with the hope
every child
should
feel.
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,837 Reviews
Hi, I'm praagna, I'm here to review.
I want to begin with saying, it's really good, it's in the form of a ballad and I think you did a really good job on giving an insight to the readers about your thoughts.
I like how you began, it leads the reader on and as you continue every word, every sentence is in a rhythm, it compliments the other. However, you could have done better on the last few lines, it was hurriedly placed.
Your poem is tragic, heartfelt and deals with a very sensitive topic, I feel like the end should have shown the more grown up version of the child since the poem begins with somebody asking "where do you come from?", So I assumed the child is older and migrated elsewhere, that's my only criticsm, overall, it's a darn good effort
The poem is dark. Sad, but in a way i wasn't expecting, to have a hopeful light to it.
Such as:
"I grew up catching rainbows"
This piece of writing i feel can relate to a lot of people with broken home. With the line such as
"I grew up on a yellow linoleum floor
with patches of tile missing-
so you could see the scars of the old floor underneath."
Now, growing up, where this was a reality for me, make me relate to the story even more. There are many diffrent parts that can grab the reader into a relation with your writing!
As AnachyWolf said, replace some of the ending lines with hope. Give it a positive outlook.
Leave the reader with a mix of emotions that they have to sort threw when there done.
The Poem was amazing!
Hi - AnarchyWolf here to review
First off, I love this. It starts off positive and nostalgic, but soon takes turns darker with:
“Cocaine. Foreclosure. Guitars. Child support. Mortgage. Homicide.”
And you describe it as:
"like a rubber ball, rhythmic and inescapable."
It's great, likening such dark and confused child's thoughts to a plaything. Next, it gets sadder, that the child doesn't have anyone to keep them company, or take to activities. That they were left alone with a game of catching sunlight to escape the bad happenings and thoughts in their life.
The overall flow of the poem is good, I feel, and I especially like the hyphens at the beginning that give extra information. They fit in with the flow very well. The last seven lines impact hard because of their few words, and leave the reader to think about the situation.
"scary words
dancing
inside-
replace it with the hope
every child
should
feel."
The feel of the poem is, to me, quite sad, as well as dark and honest. One of the best parts in it is:
"Deadly because I had been born too late for private school and birthday parties."
I absolutely love that bit.
Anyway, sorry for the short review. I think this is a great poem.
-AnarchyWolf