we are the young, and you view us as fireworks.
we tumble erratically across the dark expanse of this life,
blazing trails of too loud laughter
and shooting sparks of noisy opinions.
we burn boldly and shatter suddenly,
leaving nothing behind.
we are dangerous, unpredictable,
best handled carefully with safety equipment
before standing at a distance
and watching us fizzle out.
but if you look a bit closer, we are something more.
perhaps the night itself.
unknown and silent,
vast and empty.
a generation of stitched up smiles,
struggling to sift through the skeletons our parents have left behind in our closets,
in order to pick out which mask to put on before we start another day.
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141,354 Literary Works • 674,379 Reviews
Hii!! I feel like a lot of teenagers can relate to this. I really like the way you described the way adults see teenagers too. Many adults are constantly trying to silence teenagers insisting that they know nothing and I feel like this poem also describes how that makes teenagers feel.
I really liked how you brought up the fact that despite how teenagers are seen by a lot of adults, too loud, too unpredictable, always causing trouble, they're just trying to make it through.
Overall this was fantastic! Keep writing, I definitely think you'll go far
Thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed it and could relate to and understand it, that really means a lot. Thank you for commenting, I hope you have a lovely day/night!
This poem really idealizes all the inner thoughts of a real teenager. We seem careless and disrespectful but in reality we are all just trying to find our way.
This poem really idealizes all the inner thoughts of a real teenager. We seem careless and disrespectful but in reality we are all just trying to find our way.
I'm glad it resonates with you. Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment, I really appreciate it.
your welcome. keep writing.
This poem is well written and definitely put together well. Although it is short, it is something. I do like this poem though because I feel it has just enough description (however more is positively okay).
My favorite line from this is "a generation of stitched up smiles."
Okay, I honestly love that line because you really highlight those who have the fake smiles every day and suffer through pain. I, personally, love that. Out of personal preference, this is one of my favorite poems (as I have said before.) I also really like the style. I just really connect to this poem a lot because I understand it's entirety.
Amazing job! Keep up the great work.
Thank you again! I really appreciate you taking the time to comment and say such nice things, this has made my day, thank you.
Anytime!
Hello hello
) so I'm not going to comment on that. "best handled carefully with safety equipment" I really liked this verse, it can be perceived as a reference to consumerism and how modern day 'hunger' has negatively affected the growth of today's generation. (A part of me feels as it wasn't intended but I'm no mind reader o3o ).The last few verses as well, do seem as a reference of how the way most parents grow their kids with certain expectations for them in mind and try to seed said expectations within their children's goals, usually ignoring the last.
Welp I guess I should start by mentioning that this is a very powerful poem. The message itself is something that most 'adults' ignore, usually damaging teens and children around them. I really liked it:)
Now to the review, I know the punctuation is a stylish choice of yours (Remember me from the other poem?
My other concern was already covered by InfiniteTriangules ("but if you look a bit closer, we are something more." This.)
Overall, awesome, deep and original. I have nothing else to see.
Keep writing
Thank you for commenting, I really appreciate it. And I do remember you, thank you again for commenting on my poems it is genuinely very helpful and your feedback is awesome.
That is kind of what I was trying to suggest, also the idea that we set forth into the world filled with this enthusiasm and these big dreams before being told that they aren't actually all the achievable, and therefore 'fizzling out' while the previous generations watch. But it could also definitely reference societies attitude of quick reward.
Yes definitely, I was trying to create this idea of how broken and confused this generation has become but we are still constantly told that we're simply being lazy or ungrateful without addressing the real problems. I also wanted to touch on the idea of us being left to tidy up our parents mess as it were, in terms of things like the environment and employment and wars and all these terrible things that we're slowly trying to fix in some way. Does that make sense? I hope I'm not just rambling.
Thank you for your kind words, I hope you have a lovely day/night!
Pretty poem.The punctuation is pretty out but this does not effect the feeling it expresses atleast in my opinion.The capital letters missing either.
It is not cliche and well put.A poem for the youth.Totally expressing what a young teen is!Good job and keep on writing.Good way to show what a young person is!
The lack of capitalisation is simply a stylistic choice, but please let me know if you think there's any punctuation I should add in. Thank you for you compliments, it's very kind of you and I hope you have a great day/night!
Hope you have a good day/night too! Yes this is your own way of writing this is why I can not tell you that it is wrong.You are welcome.
Hello! I really really liked this poem! I love how you compared youth to fireworks. It was creative and not cliche, as some poems about youth tend to be. That being said, I did have a couple of nit-picks.
"before standing at a distance and watching us fizzle out."
Perhaps it was just the way I read it, but this line seemed a bit long and out of place. It didn't fit the flow as well. I suggest splitting it up into two lines:
"before standing at a distance
and watching us fizzle out."
"but if you look closer,
i thinkwe are something more."I would take out "I think" because it shows a lack of confidence on the narrator's part. This is a powerful poem and your narrator needs to be confident for the message to sink in with the readers. Also, taking it out will make this line fit your flow better.
In conclusion, this was a beautiful poem, and true in many ways. Adults tend to ignore teenagers, and call our anger "typical teen angst", which is extremely frustrating. We may be young, but we do have a voice, and I think you captured that emotion perfectly. Keep writing and have a wonderful day/night!
Thank you so much for your comment and feedback! It's very helpful and much appreciated.
I will definitely do both the things you mentioned, thank you for pointing them out to me. I hope you do too!