it sneaks up on you.
sticks its hand in your gut and twists
punches a hole through your back and lets the air wheeze out of your chest
then clamps its bony fingers tight around your skull until all of a sudden
your thoughts are too big for your mind
and go bouncing off each other in a chaotic whirlwind
while it squeezes the space where they live
smaller
and
smaller.
grabs my words as they form on my tongue
and pushes them back down my throat
so all i can do is try and breathe
in and out
trying to get through this
whatever this is.
not only does it suppress, but it adds.
whispers breathy sing song whispers into my ears and lets them seep
into the minefield of my mind.
it taps my arm and starts a light tremor
jangles my foot and begins a tapping.
it prods and persuades and never, ever leaves.
one day
i will be able to prise its touch from my skin
hold it at arm's distance,
tell it "stay",
and walk away.
but not today.
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
This is most certainly one of the best poems I have read in a long while. I really do love this. You're style choice and use of non-capitalization is great and really does add lots of effect to this poem. Which in it's entirety is amazing. I, myself, have anxiety and a lot of my friends do and I love how you highlighted this topic. You put a spotlight on it and anyone who reads this can feel the emotion and purity within the poem. I also really like the way you separated certain parts of it like the "smaller and smaller" part. It definitely adds to this as well. I really don't have any critiques because I write like this myself and find it awesome that I'm not the only one. Great job with this poem, and keep up the good work! (Sorry if this review doesn't make much sense in some places. I'd be glad to clarify anything you find confusing)
Thank you so so much! This means a lot to me and it's so kind of you to say such lovely things.
Okay hello, this is my first review and I'm not that much of a poet but here we go.
First of all, I'm not going to say your grammar is bad but not seeing capped letters makes me... uneasy, I'm almost sure I'm not the only one who feels like that. Also, "It's" is a diminutive for "It is", "Its" is the one used to express property. So in synthesis, punctuation and grammar could be improved.
Second, the rhymes seem to be... off. I mean, it's like you use them in a few verses but that's about it. And from what I was taught in literature class (And from self experience honestly) is that you either use them or you don't. There's no middle point.
Lastly, economy is a key you are not using. You are using useless connectors which only damages the fluency with which one reads the text. Also, the use of grammatical substitution is null in this text, if you already refereed to something as "this", use "It" when talking about it for next sentence.
Just my grain of sand :3
Hello! Thank you so much for taking the time to write a review, I really appreciate it.
Not using capitalisation is something that I have always made a choice to do in my poems, for a variety of different reasons. I'm really sorry that it makes you uncomfortable but I simply prefer not to choose them.
Thank you so much for pointing this out to me, I have no idea how I didn't notice it earlier. I'll fix it as soon as possible.
I'm not too sure what you mean by this point? Maybe it's the way I read it, but I can't see any points where there is rhyme and it was my intention not to include it at all.
Could you possibly give me an example of where I've used these connectors? I'm not too sure at what points I should remove them.
I think you're talking about the lines here that say 'trying to get through this/whatever this is.' the reason I used 'this' twice in these sentences is actually because the second 'this' should be in italics, but it wouldn't allow me to add them in for some reason. The reason is because I was trying to put emphasis on the fact that the narrator isn't exactly sure why she is feeling this way or how long it will last. Therefore, they say 'whatever this is', because they have no real definition or certainty of 'this', except possibly the name of it (as seen in the title.) But as with a lot of mental illness, it is difficult to explain and understand. I hope that makes sense.
I'm sorry if this reply came across as defensive or anything like that, that wasn't my intention at all. I was just trying to explain some of my reasons for writing certain things and I do genuinely appreciate your feedback, thank you. Hope you have a great day/night!
Okay, I appreciate the attitude with which you take the reviews
I've seen a lot of people get offended and turn immediately to the defensive arguing things like "You can't understand it" and stuff like that. But for the capitalization you don't have to say sorry, if it's a stylistic decision then it's alright, always good to see someone trying something different (On purpose).
With the connectors I might be wrong (I like grammar but I'm not a master on it) but in the verse "So that all I can do is try and breathe", 'that' is totally unnecessary. Also, in the verse "jangles my foot and begins a tapping". 'a' is unnecessary too, but here you might have added it for stylish reasons since in the past verse you wrote 'a light tremor' at the end.
So the rhymes, perhaps is the way my horrible English accent work (My mother language is Spanish) but 'Tongue' and 'Throat' rhyme a bit, 'Away' and 'Today' DO rhyme (Here I'm sure it's not my accent).
Thanks for taking the time to properly reply my reply :v
No problem! I don't really have much idea what I'm doing in terms of poetry so I'd love to hear as much feedback as possible, whether it's good or bad.
Thank you, I see what you mean now. The 'that' does sound a bit unnecessary, I'll take that out. The 'a tapping' was deliberate though so I think I'll leave that in, but thank you anyway.
No don't worry I completely see what you mean, the rhyming wasn't deliberate but I can see it now that you've pointed it out. I'll try and work on that come up with a way so that it doesn't rhyme because it does seem a bit strange.
No problem! Thank you for helping me out, I appreciate it.
Hello, InfiniteRectangles here!
First, I'd like to say that I have anxiety, so I know how you feel. I love how you portrayed anxiety here and I love your descriptions. Personally, I would use more imagery to make it more poetic, as this is pretty straightforward, but that is just a suggestion.
I've also noticed a lack of punctuation, but you had more punctuation towards the end. I don't know if this was intentional or not, but it made the beginning of your poem feel a bit rushed. I see that you neither capitalized the title nor any of the "i"s within the poem. Is this a stylistic choice or simply a grammar error? If it's an error, I would suggest changing it Otherwise, just ignore me haha.
The last thing I will mention is this line:
"i will be able to prise it's touch from my skin"
You don't need the apostrophe in "it's" here because you are using it as a pronoun. So it should just be "its". Also, this line confused me a little. What is "prise"? Is that supposed to say "pry"?
Anyway, that's all I have for you. It's a beautiful poem and I can relate to it so much. You're quite talented. Keep writing and have a wonderful day/night!
Hello! First of all, thank you for this review and for your lovely compliments and feedback, I appreciate it a lot.
I think the imagery is definitely something I need to work on, although I liked the way this poem turned out I think there is definitely room for improvement in terms of my descriptions. I've actually done a lot of drafts of this poem, and I can see myself writing a few more.
The lack of grammar at the start was something I put in to create the sense that the narrator has just experienced anxiety or is feeling overwhelmed by it, and so hurriedly begins to try and express their thoughts on it and try to describe what they are feeling. Then, as they begin to calm down and the poem draws to a conclusion, more punctuation is added to show their slowed down thought process and a slightly calmer atmosphere. Does that make sense? I hope it does and I'm not just rambling. Also, the lack of capitalisation is definitely something I always do in my poems, simply as a stylistic choice, like you said. I seems to irritate a lot of people but it is definitely something that I'm determined to keep in my poems, for various different reasons.
I definitely meant prise, the definition of it is: to use force in order to move, move apart, or open something. So yes, it is a word, sorry for the confusion.
Thank you again! This was really helpful and I hope you have a wonderful day/night too!
Viv here, and because I haven't review in a long while, I apologize if this doesn't seem like much of a review. I hope it's still entertaining if not helpful though. (; In all honesty, I see nothing wrong with your poem, except for maybe your scarce use of commas but that may be your stylistic choice(correct me if I am wrong and I will elaborate). I myself use too many. Your descriptions of anxiety were beautifully written and at the same time got the message across that justified your description of it as a "demon". So, this was great and thanks for sharing.
Thank you for your lovely comment! The lack of commas is just something that I preferred to go for in this poem, I thought maybe a lot of them would detract from the flow of the poem and the way I read it in my head. But I completely understand if you think they are needed, if you think they would add to the poem please let me know where I should use them! And thank you again for being so kind. Hope you have a great day/night!
Nah it's cool as it is. And thank you, you too.