to become one of these
fully fledged
fitted snugly into society,
spitting ice from your eyes
and fire from your tongue,
requires the deciphering of a code.
a code a bit like
the small print
on the back of juice cartons and
after car adverts.
except this is a small print
that teenagers begin to learn
as a stumbling tween,
stepping cautiously
knees-knocking
into a harsh new world.
a code which children
wide eyes brimming with unadulterated curiosity
fail to see.
and which adults, fading eyes misted
with maturity and stress
can only vaguely glimpse as they squint,
at these strange, fiery creatures.
it is laced in that lanky youth's
awkward laugh as he slinks
back to his jeering friends
after a polite 'no thanks.'
it radiates off that girl
perched on her seat at an empty table.
it is intertwined and blazed,
printed and sprayed,
on the skin and bones
whispers and shouts
kisses and punches
of every wild youth who struts
the world as if it has been wrapped
in blue and green and placed into their
grasping hands.
so really,
this isn't a handbook.
it's more like a warning.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,831 Reviews
InfiniteRectangles is here with a review for you!
Okie dokie, I really liked this poem! I like the casual, almost conversational feel of it. Nice work! I also love the message you conveyed here. It's a very interesting and creative perspective on adolescence and how no one really understands them. It's also very easy to relate to (being a teenager myself lol).
That being said, there were a couple of (minor, don't worry!) things that stood out to me.
"wide eyes brimming with unadulterated curiosity
fail to see."
These lines didn't seem to flow as well to me. The first line seems too long and the second one too short. "unadulterated curiosity" is a bit of a mouthful as well. Just something to consider.
The next issue I found was with capitalization. Even though you set up your lines in a sentence-like structure, there is no capitalization anywhere in the poem. Which, in poetry there is a lot of wiggle room so I won't pester you too much about that. It just seemed kind of odd to me that you had the title in all caps and then no capitalization in the poem itself. Also, speaking of the all-caps title: it's kind of overwhelming. I was scrolling through the new works and then all of a sudden I'm bombarded with capital letters. It seems kind of like your shouting it at me. Like "HERE IS MY POEM. COME READ IT NOW" You can have an eye-catching title without using all caps.
That's all I have for you! Overall it was a very enjoyable poem and it was easy to understand and relate to! Keep writing and have a wonderful day/night! ^-^
Sorry this took me so long to reply! Thank you for your compliments and criticism, J appreciate it a lot. I can see what you mean about that line, it does seem a bit strange. I'll try and think of a better phrase and change it when I can. Not capitalising anything is something I do in all my poems, I appreciate that not everyone likes it but I simply prefer the way it looks. Thank you for being so understanding about it! I also changed the title because I honestly don't really remember why I capitalised it. I think it was to make it seem more official, sort of like a report? Anyway, it does seem a bit aggressive so I changed it. Thanks for pointing it out! I hope you have a great day.
First, I really like the flow of this!
The flow and formatting is almost conversational and follows a very cool rhythm.
I also really love the word choice and phrasing
"it is intertwined and blazed,
printed and sprayed,
on the skin and bones
whispers and shouts
kisses and punches
of every wild youth who struts
the world as if it has been wrapped
in blue and green and placed into their
grasping hands."
And also the last lines:
"so really,
this isn't a handbook.
it's more like a warning."
These last lines and the diction as a whole really capture that rebellious-but-suffering-youth idea and also how children have this innocent and unknowing idea of adolescence
and how adults forget it or have an also idealized and watered-down memory of it
But no one except those currently going through it TRULY understand all it entails.
Lovely work!!
Love,
Ang
Thank you! I really appreciate all your lovely compliments, they mean a lot to me. I'm glad you enjoyed it and understood what I was trying to say. I hope you have a great day.