Young Writers Society

Wow, what a lovely poem!

This is absolutely amazing, you should keep up the great work. I love the meaning behind it and how people can relate to it. You're an amazing writer. I can not wait to read your other works. I know they'll be amazing just like this one. You should really keep the good work.

Hello there,
This was a very beautiful poem and I absolutely love the comparison of the persons features to natural landscapes. My personal favorite part is how strong the imagery is in this. The ending is amazing but reallynthe whole thing is. I am not a huge lover of poetry but it is things like this that make me love it. I hope you have an amazing Christmas and holiday.

Continue on writing!

This is very well-written.

Hello miriamgall!!

This is Eros here to write a review for your work!!!

First of all, wish you a Merry Christmas!

Now, coming to your wonderful piece...
This was really a great piece. I like how you have described the beauty of a human body. You have written it really bautifully. You have compared the beauty of parts of human body with the parts of nature. Like eyes---more specifically iris is compared with flowers. You have also compared it with the beauty of naural phenomenons. Like, in sunsets melting on your cheeks. Ahh! It was so beautiful! Every line conveys a beautiful meaning.
Great work!
Keep doing!
Never cease.
We all love to read your stuff...

I think the others comments were on point. The descriptive ideas were great and using the body as you did gave the poem some substance. The grammar specifically the capital letters that needed to be put in I was concerned about. I liked "skyline is split by a neat row of rolling mountains curving down your back, hemmed in by two gently jutting canyons of bone". Very good and I was using imagery to follow that sentence and got chills in my back. Keep on writing dear friend.

This is beautiful. Your imagery is flawless. I'm speechless.

Nice! I like the fact that you can really visualize everything you wrote. Great work!

Your imagery skills are on point. Like these descriptions probably made almost everybody a little envious.

sunsets melts on your cheeks

Hello: Here's a review for you!
First, you have a beautiful way of putting words together. I really enjoyed the imagery you created in this poem, so good work! However, I think what might make it a little bit more interesting and perhaps make it flow together is if you started the poem with, say, the eyes. Then let it go from that to the cheeks, cheeks to the back, back to the wrists, etc. This is to help the reader read it more smoothly, as if they were seeing it with their eyes. Kind of like in Chronological order but with your eyes. Sorry if this doesn't make sense. It's hard o put in words.
Anyway, this was a good poem, and I really enjoyed it. Happy Writing
MsPoetry15

Hi there Miriam! Welcome to YWS!

This is my first review in a while, so excuse me if it's not too great!

The title caught my interest right away, and I was holding my breath waiting for something beautiful. And this was beautiful. I really liked all the descriptions. It made me somehow think of Sonnet 18, I guess this could be some kind of modern take on it!

I really only had three bits that I would tweak a bit. Halfway through the poem, you have "hemmed in" split on two lines, and that kind of made me stop. I know you're allowed to do whatever line breaks you want, but I think it would suit this poem's feel better to have them neatly on the same line, as if not to disrupt that beautiful landscape you describe.

The second, and the most insignificant, was "the givers of air". I didn't really care for that description, because it just sounded like you really wanted another way to say lungs but got in a rush and settled for that. Perhaps another image would work better there.

The last bit was the last line. On the first read, I was thinking that it would be better to not have it, and then I started to think about whether it would make it seem like the poem ended abruptly. But now, on the third think, I want to go back to my original intuition and say that the poem doesn't need that current ending. I think it would be safe to end it on the line before it. It may seem abrupt, but when you think about it, it kind of works. Letting the reader absorb the words without having the ending handed on a silver platter.

But, as I said, I thought this was beautiful, and I think most of us have that one person that we think like this about. I look forward to reading more of your writing

Demeter
x

Hey there it's me for a review! Before I say something... WELCOME TO YWS!!!

Okay, so I'm not that good at reviewing, please bear with me.
First off, you create a beautiful image with your words here. I'm not here to correct grammar like some people do because most of the time that doesn't matter in poetry.
I love, love, love, love this poem. Though in some cases the rhythm felt off to me, it's still this awesome poem.

I hope you keep on writing because the way you describe things interests me. Describing a body as a universe is a huge feat. With this idea, it's usually hard to create such descriptions because the universe contains so many things. You've decided to choose the things that highlight the universe the most. What I didn't like about this though (just my personal preference, don't mind me), is that it wasn't actually a 'universe'. For me, universes are more than what inhabits the Earth. It's the galaxies. The possible existence of aliens. The billions of stars and planets that occupy this infinite universe. Maybe it's because I was misled by the title too much.

But all in all, it's this beautifully written and put work that makes me feel bad for my own writing. xD

Seriously though, keep on writing. I hope to see your works here on YWS again. I'm new here too, only started early December, but I know some stuff here. If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask :3