has anyone ever told you
just how much of this world you contain?
look at you.
flowers grow from your irises,
sunsets melt on your cheeks.
blue rivers trickle down your arm
and snake around your wrist
shadowed by constellations dotted
across the sky of your skin.
this skyline is split by a neat row
of rolling mountains
curving down your back, hemmed in
by two gently jutting canyons of bone.
the bone creates bridges stretched across your lungs,
protecting them as they breathe life into your blood.
and every curve and bump and line
of this body,
your body,
creates a constantly growing, shifting landscape.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,831 Reviews
Wow, what a lovely poem!
Aww thank you!
This is absolutely amazing, you should keep up the great work. I love the meaning behind it and how people can relate to it. You're an amazing writer. I can not wait to read your other works. I know they'll be amazing just like this one. You should really keep the good work.
Thank you so, so much, that really means a lot to me and I appreciate it a lot. I hope you have a lovely Christmas if you celebrate it. If not just have a great day.
Hello there,
This was a very beautiful poem and I absolutely love the comparison of the persons features to natural landscapes. My personal favorite part is how strong the imagery is in this. The ending is amazing but reallynthe whole thing is. I am not a huge lover of poetry but it is things like this that make me love it. I hope you have an amazing Christmas and holiday.
Continue on writing!
Thank you so so much, this is absolutely lovely. You too!
This is very well-written.
Thank you very much!
Hello miriamgall!!
This is Eros here to write a review for your work!!!
First of all, wish you a Merry Christmas!
Now, coming to your wonderful piece...
This was really a great piece. I like how you have described the beauty of a human body. You have written it really bautifully. You have compared the beauty of parts of human body with the parts of nature. Like eyes---more specifically iris is compared with flowers. You have also compared it with the beauty of naural phenomenons. Like, in sunsets melting on your cheeks. Ahh! It was so beautiful! Every line conveys a beautiful meaning.
Great work!
Keep doing!
Never cease.
We all love to read your stuff...
Thank you so much! I really appreciate it. Hope you have a lovely day.
I think the others comments were on point. The descriptive ideas were great and using the body as you did gave the poem some substance. The grammar specifically the capital letters that needed to be put in I was concerned about. I liked "skyline is split by a neat row of rolling mountains curving down your back, hemmed in by two gently jutting canyons of bone". Very good and I was using imagery to follow that sentence and got chills in my back. Keep on writing dear friend.
Thank you for your lovely compliments, you are very kind and I really appreciate them. Not capitalising my letter is something I've always done, purely based on my preference to how it looks, but it seems to bother people a bit so I might change that. Thank you again for your feedback! I hope you have a nice day.
This is beautiful. Your imagery is flawless. I'm speechless.
Thank you! That means a lot.
Nice! I like the fact that you can really visualize everything you wrote. Great work!
Thank you so much!
Your imagery skills are on point. Like these descriptions probably made almost everybody a little envious.
Really enjoyed the fact that you put a different perspective on parts of our body (lol, the point of the poem), and this is my favorite part. How our cheeks can burn bright like the hottest part of the sun, and burning weakest like the color yellow (or tan because skin).
However, I do think the bone part was thought provoking, but too long, creating an awkward part of the poem. Just saying how bones structures our body would be enough. Also, the lack of capitalization bothers me a bit.
Liked. Good job on viewing myself in a different way.
Thank you so much! That means a lot to me.
Yes it does seem a bit disjointed (no pun intended) at that point, I was trying to find a way to join up the spine, ribs and lungs so that it flowed more smoothly but it didn't work out as well as I hoped. I'm going to take another look at it and see how I can improve that point.
I'm really sorry about that, it's something I use in all my poems simply because to me it appears a little more gentle, if that makes sense? I appreciate that not everyone will like it.
Thank you so, so much for your review, I hope you have a lovely day.
Hello: Here's a review for you!
First, you have a beautiful way of putting words together. I really enjoyed the imagery you created in this poem, so good work! However, I think what might make it a little bit more interesting and perhaps make it flow together is if you started the poem with, say, the eyes. Then let it go from that to the cheeks, cheeks to the back, back to the wrists, etc. This is to help the reader read it more smoothly, as if they were seeing it with their eyes. Kind of like in Chronological order but with your eyes. Sorry if this doesn't make sense. It's hard o put in words.
Anyway, this was a good poem, and I really enjoyed it. Happy Writing
MsPoetry15
Thank you! No that makes perfect sense, it does seem a bit strange that I've added in details about the face at the end. I think that was something I thought of last and then added it in, forgetting about how I was trying to order it. I'll try and work on that and come up with a better order.
Thank you so much for your feedback! I appreciate it a lot. I hope you have a great day.
Hi there Miriam! Welcome to YWS!
This is my first review in a while, so excuse me if it's not too great!
The title caught my interest right away, and I was holding my breath waiting for something beautiful. And this was beautiful. I really liked all the descriptions. It made me somehow think of Sonnet 18, I guess this could be some kind of modern take on it!
I really only had three bits that I would tweak a bit. Halfway through the poem, you have "hemmed in" split on two lines, and that kind of made me stop. I know you're allowed to do whatever line breaks you want, but I think it would suit this poem's feel better to have them neatly on the same line, as if not to disrupt that beautiful landscape you describe.
The second, and the most insignificant, was "the givers of air". I didn't really care for that description, because it just sounded like you really wanted another way to say lungs but got in a rush and settled for that. Perhaps another image would work better there.
The last bit was the last line. On the first read, I was thinking that it would be better to not have it, and then I started to think about whether it would make it seem like the poem ended abruptly. But now, on the third think, I want to go back to my original intuition and say that the poem doesn't need that current ending. I think it would be safe to end it on the line before it. It may seem abrupt, but when you think about it, it kind of works. Letting the reader absorb the words without having the ending handed on a silver platter.
But, as I said, I thought this was beautiful, and I think most of us have that one person that we think like this about. I look forward to reading more of your writing
Demeter
x
Thank you!
No its amazing, I really appreciate you taking the time to give me some tips.
Thank you for your compliments, it's lovely of you.
I completely understand that, looking back it does seem a bit strange and I'm not too sure why I wrote it like that.
That is completely true, I wrote this a while ago but I remember looking at that line a lot and struggling to come up with an image. I will try and come up with something different, it sounds a bit strange.
That's a brilliant idea, I'll change the line as soon possible. I never quite know how to finish poems, and that was not the best way at all.
Thank you so, so much for your comment, I really appreciate your feedback. I hope you have a lovely day!
Hey there it's me for a review! Before I say something... WELCOME TO YWS!!!
Okay, so I'm not that good at reviewing, please bear with me.
First off, you create a beautiful image with your words here. I'm not here to correct grammar like some people do because most of the time that doesn't matter in poetry.
I love, love, love, love this poem. Though in some cases the rhythm felt off to me, it's still this awesome poem.
I hope you keep on writing because the way you describe things interests me. Describing a body as a universe is a huge feat. With this idea, it's usually hard to create such descriptions because the universe contains so many things. You've decided to choose the things that highlight the universe the most. What I didn't like about this though (just my personal preference, don't mind me), is that it wasn't actually a 'universe'. For me, universes are more than what inhabits the Earth. It's the galaxies.
The possible existence of aliens.The billions of stars and planets that occupy this infinite universe. Maybe it's because I was misled by the title too much.But all in all, it's this beautifully written and put work that makes me feel bad for my own writing. xD
Seriously though, keep on writing. I hope to see your works here on YWS again. I'm new here too, only started early December, but I know some stuff here. If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask :3
Thank you so much!
You are brilliant at reviewing, this is incredibly helpful.
Thank you for your lovely compliments, I don't have much idea what I'm doing in terms of rhythm so I understand if it sounds off, I'm really sorry about that.
I completely understand what you mean by that. I hadn't actually titled this poem, so I just made something up quickly when it was asked for and I'm not very happy with it. I'm going to work on it and try and come up with a better name. The title is definitely misleading.
Again, thank you so, so much. I've put a few poems up on lots of websites and this is the one with the most constructive criticism and in depth reviews, which I absolutely love. I'm definitely going to be using it more once I've found my way around. Hope you have a great day!
Yes! YWS is the best website when it comes to getting your work reviewed. Unlike other websites out there *cough* wattpad *cough* this one really helped me improve my works. You're welcome~
Very true, I've used Wattpad for years and years and I love it, but in terms of feedback, it falls flat on it's face.