My world crumbled before me, the life I thought I knew disappeared within an hour of my consciousness. Then, when I think I've figured out who I am and where I am, a bomb drops on me. Not the "You've failed the class" or "I don't like you" bomb, but "You are going to take down the government." Now how the world is one girl supposed to do that. So, I asked it.
"How in the world am I supposed to do that? I'm just one girl, who doesn't even fully understand what the hell is going on around here." I protested. I stood there with my arms crossed staring at Alastair with a cold look, and having Ethan on my right, trying to calm me down by stroking my back.
"You aren't just one girl Maya, you are a sleeper agent, one of the best too. Your intelligence is higher than anyone I have ever seen before. You hacked into the CIA, got the file of the mole that was here, and you eliminated him. Truly amazing for one teenage girl, if I say so myself." Alastair replied.
"I don't remember any of that! The only close memory I have was in a dream last night, I watched myself kill that man, and -" I paused.
"You did?! Ethan, did you know about this?" Alastair asked cutting me off. Ethan nodded and opened his mouth like he was about to respond but Alastair cut him off quickly, seems like he likes to do that. "That is very important information. That means your memory is coming back. What else happened?"
"Well, I only told Ethan like 10 minutes ago, that is why we are here, and I was outside looking in through the window, and I was pounding on the window to get her to stop but it was too late. But I, well she, looked over at me and I started to run but as soon as I turned around she was right there. Then I woke up." I explained. I looked over at Ethan who looked confused because he knew I didn't tell Alastair everything, and I wasn't going to.
"Interesting, very interesting. Did she say anything to you?" He asked me.
"No. Nothing, Ethan woke me up when he heard my screams." I responded.
"Very curious, well thank you. Ethan, why don't you take Maya into the kitchen to get her something to eat while I finish up training in here." Alastair said.
"Yes, Alastair." Ethan said. He offered me his arm and I took it, and together we strolled out of the training room. Once we were out in the hall Ethan stopped, let go of my arm and faced me. He looked very mad. "Why didn't you tell him about what you said to yourself, I mean, she told you, you know what I mean." He asked.
"I don't fully trust Alastair. I only have known him for a short time and my first impression of him he made me get up and tell everyone about me when I didn't even know where I was." I told him.
"So, why did you tell me? You've known me for as long as you've known him." He said.
I paused. I looked up into his eyes, and got lost. There was something about Ethan, that just made me feel safe. I felt like I had known him for a long time. "It's different when it comes to you. I trust you, I feel safe when I'm around you." I told him.
He looked at me, and started to smile. It quickly faded away when he said, "That doesn't excuse for lying Maya. Especially with Alastair, he is here to protect us, and help us find out who we are. "
I looked down at the ground, no matter how much I wanted to know who I was, I also didn't. "I'm afraid." I said.
"Afraid of what?" He asked me.
"Afraid of the truth. What if who I really am is awful, or even worse than I think it is. I'm a killer, that much I already know. I also am a felon, I hacked into the CIA, last time I checked they frown upon that." I said.
He grabbed my chin and made me look at him. His voice was soft when he spoke to me, "I was afraid to, but mostly because I was alone. I didn't have someone like you do, you have me. I will be here for you, every step of the way."
"Why? Why were you assigned to me? What is so special about me?" I asked.
Our eyes locked, and I was so close I could hear his heart beat, it was getting faster and faster, just like mine. My stomach was in a knot, I have never felt like this about someone so quickly, but as I said before, it felt like I had known him forever. He bent down and kissed me. His lips were as soft as the way he spoke to me, he was gentle as well. I kissed back, and wanted to keep going but he pulled back and moved the hair that was covering half of my face. Everything he did was soft and gentle. As he moved my dark brown hair behind my ears he leaned in and said something almost like a whisper. "I wasn't assigned to you, I chose you."
I took a step back and looked at Ethan.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,817 Reviews
Hi Mavery,
I'm back to review your next part! This review will be a bit shorter than the previous two parts because a lot of the things that I touched upon those reviews are also applicable here.
The story is progressing very well, and thus far, you've continued to hold my interest. I can't wait to read part four after I'm done reviewing this.
But as I've said before, you have really good ideas, and yet the way these events are progressing doesn't feel genuine. I'm beginning to really think that Ethan and Maya were romantically involved before, otherwise the kiss, for me, comes out of nowhere. I get that they're attracted to each other, and there's something about Ethan that Maya is drawn to. However, for all she knows she met him earlier that day, and she's under a lot of emotional duress. He could try to kiss her and she pulls away, maybe after indulging him for a second or so. You've got a lot to play with.
I'm not sure what to think of Alastair thus far. He gives me the creeps, and I'm curious to see what you do with him going forward.
Hi maverymadams, Felistia here with another review for you.
Story: The story is going great, especially towards the end. The wonderful cliff hanger you presented is perfect and I can't wait till the next chapter. There isn't much story expansion in this chapter, so there isn't much to say other than please hurry up with the next part. No pressure.
Characters: I am so glad that you have decided to expand on Ethan. I really liked him as a character. Maya didn't get as much character development in this chapter, but I am sure we will learn more about her as the story progresses
Description: Your description in here was okay, but there is plenty of space for improvement. In places where you have a body part in a sentence like in this sentence (moved the hair that was in my face) You could describe her hair. What colour is it or you could describe what her skin colour is. Just little add ones like that will make a big difference.
Small problems: (trying to calm me down my stroking my back.) I think you meant to say (by) instead of (my).
And that is all from me, I hope I was of use. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.
Hey there,
I thought to give a small review,
This is excellent. You managed to create curiosity throughout this chapter, I like that. There were a few small errors though. But except that, I really like your story.
"Then, when I think I have where I am figured out and who I am, a bomb gets dropped on me,"
This line is a little confusing, maybe if you could reduce some words and combine the facts like this.
"Then, when I think I've figured out who I am and where I am. a bomb drops on me."
See, now the sentence is much clear.
In the next paragraph Maya wonders how she's going to do such a huge task, and you brought out her thought like this,
"Now how in the world is one girl supposed to do that? So, I asked it."
And after that she says,
"How in the world am I supposed to do that? I'm just one girl, who doesn't even fully understand what the hell is going on around here." I protested.
This is more like a repetition, so you could cut off the thought or you can change it a little.
"I don't remember any of that! The only close memory I have was in a dream last night, I watched myself kill that man, and -" I said.
At the end you wrote 'I said', but it seems she paused or Alestair cut off.
So instead of 'I said' you can say 'I paused'.
The latter part of the story is much better, and descriptive; great job with that!
Oh and hey, there are a few sentences which is missing conjunctions like 'for'
For example,
"That doesn't excuse lying Maya" I think it should be "That doesn't excuse for lying Maya."
Apart from those tiny mistakes your story is pretty good. And I'm waiting to read the next chapter, so keep on reading and Good luck!!!
Thank you so much! I will make those changes when I get the chance. Have you read any of the other pieces of Sleeper?