free, freed

Wow, this was seriously amazing. It manages to be very rhythmic and musical even though it's unmetered. This punchy opening reads so quickly and rhymes so naturally. It's a vivid yet surreal opening and it begins with a lot of desperation in the voice. It's vague and unclear what specifically is being spoken about throughout here, and this crypticsim is obviously very much intended. It definitely creates images in the head, though in terms what is actually being spoken about, I am struggling to cling onto any one idea that captures the whole thing. This feels like you've spilled some of your brain out onto the page, I imagine that its based on an ultra-specific event that you yourself have personally been through or are currently going through. I love peeking into the feelings you express in this poem even if I can't understand or relate it as well as you yourself can. Ultimately, this is an expression that is cryptic to us, perhaps clear and obvious to you, and I see a great deal of worth in that. This is what lyric poetry is about, and you've done a damn good job here.

This is a really beautiful poem. When I first read it, about being freed, I thought about the slave trade, and other events in history. I think the overall moral of this poem is that even when we are not truly free, in a sense we are freed. Whether it be death, or something else, that's the part where some feel free. However, I may be interpreting this wrong but as BreezySprout mentioned, some people might interpret this poem in a different way because how vague the poem is.


''i am free, i am freed

the chains of truth no longer restrain me

i am a child, i am new

i float in the sky''


I think the meaning of floating to the sky and symbolize death, or just going away someplace else, I really don't know, but it really made me think. It's a good writing skill to have your listeners to think about something, they probably have never thought about.

Overall, I really enjoyed this, and I hope you keep writing!

What a wonderful poem! I love the vagueness of it, because it gives each reader a different perspective. For me, it feels as if you/the narrator is dissociating and feels overwhelmed by whatever may be going on.
However, it does feel like it jumps around a bit too much. But that is how it feels to be heavily dissociating, jumping from one place to another with little recollection so it makes sense still!
Overall, this was amazing. Keep up the great work and I hope you have a great day/night!

Hi majuli,

Thank you for sharing your poetry!

Your poem has great word choice and imagery - it really creates a tense and serious mood that seems to increase as the poem moves forward.

I had a little bit of trouble following the narrative of the poem; and felt like the poem almost developed in a "montage of moments" rather than a straight-forward story that could be followed.

There seems to be some key moments of understanding that are left vague -

"there's a gun to my head" (held by self, or someone else? suicidal? victim?)

"i'm cuffed and bloodied and bruised
the walls of this car surround me" (not clear if the cuffs are metaphorical or real, which makes me also wonder if the gun in the line above was meant to be understood metaphorically)

"i have a knife, i carve it through
they hear the sounds spill from my neck" (this certainly seems to read as self-inflicted harm)

"the chains of truth no longer restrain me" (what truth?)

"i am a child, i am new
i float in the sky" (has the character died?)

---

I think the poem could be given a little more narrative clarity at these key moments so readers understand more directly what is being said. I took the most likely meaning of the poem to be that the speaker feels escalating pressure (the "gun") from their family and others, as well as pressing guilt (the need to apologize) and so they decide to take control of where the feel "stuck" and become the "captain" of their fate - they tragically take their life, freeing them from the pressures they've felt in life, giving them a newness, while those left behind are left not guilty, or saddened but peculiarly amused. I think a person could also interpret this poem as the speaker being a victim of a violent incident / maybe a kidnapping + murder, in which they are eventually liberated by death. Given that these are two very different scenarios, I think the poem could use a little more narrative clarity.

I think for high-intensity poems like this, sometimes a level of "vagueness" can be good so that the reader can connect multiple scenarios to the poem, but at some level if they can't understand what the poem is about, it reduces the ability to empathize / picture / appreciate what is being said. I've written a Knowledge Base about adding more specificity into poetry right -> here that gives a little more insight into that topic.

Another aspect I want to be sure that I mention that I think was done well, were the parts where you left room for lines to be read as metaphorical or literal (like the ship captain and the "chains of truth". Adding these metaphorical elements (especially when paired with vibrant imagery) really adds a punch to the poem and makes it more impactful.

On a final note, this poem does touch on some pretty intense themes (you may even want to bump the rating of the piece because of the more intense references and imagery) - and if it is written from personal processing or personal current feelings, my heart goes out to you and I hope writing this offered some peace. There's a lot of pain in the world, poetry is a wonderful outlet for processing it. If you or anyone reading is personally struggling with feelings of self-harm the Crisis and Safety Resource List can be a good resource for reaching out for more support.

Thank you again for sharing your work and I hope you have a peaceful day.

alliyah