i see
all i do is see
i see the lights in the dark
and the darks below the light
i see the ground below the river
and the stained carpets i see
i see the strands of hair on the floor
and the imprint of hands of necks
they shine, shine red
but never have they bled
i see the cries that shake glass
and the tears like rust on brass
i see the knuckles, split and bleeding
and the gardens that need some weeding
i see the chains around the lips
the lips that tried to move
pouring cries, i must assume
cries to shun them all
i see the scratches on the door
and the eyes that ached for more
i see the red in the shallow hearts
that are briefly missing some parts
but all i do is see
i see the lights in the dark
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139,205 Literary Works • 672,505 Reviews
Wow... I would start by saying the use of emotion is rather strong in this piece, which I definitely love. I enjoy how this is up to interpretation for each reader who witnesses it. The words are vague, and yet it fits. There are symbols that, again, are up to interpretation. There are no "big" words, which makes it easier for the majority of people to enjoy.
I see this piece as what it feels like to grow up with difficult situations all around, being experienced and felt with deep grief. Thank you for this poem.
Now as for improvement, I cannot say I have any suggestions other than to keep your rhyming consistent. It starts out free, then develops a rhyme. It is okay, still flows well, and the inconsistency helps draw out the raw emotion and pain. It is just something to think about for any future projects.
thank you so much for this review. as a budding writer, this puts a lot of confidence in me. about the rhyme scheme, im happy you liked it, but i actually chose to not have a consistent scheme. i see it as trying something new, and not going by any rules. thank for your interpretation, i loved to see your point of view.
hey i love the poem you wrote about romance and death it was so good some stuff i noticed was your immpecable attention to detail and how i have the image in my head while reading your poem and some other things i noticed how its also about how you see the light and the darkness in things and how you see stuff that non one else sees keep up the great work with your poems
thank you so much. ill try my best in every piece.