Numb

This is really good, it shows alot of emotion which I think some poetry needs more of and shows how people are suffering in ways we can't see or don't think of..

I believe that this is very deep. I really appreciate the thought and feeling you put into your writing. It makes me feel warm inside. I'm sorry you are struggling with this, but I want you to know, that you WILL feel again. In a healthy way. I promise. And if you ever need anybody to talk to, im here, if nothing else. Feel free to message me if you need anything

Hi, FCD here.

I'm new on this site and this was one of the pieces that caught my eye. I think that I can somewhat relate to what is said in this poem, and can see why many others relate to this too.

I think that you effectively demonstrate the desperate and hopeless situation of the narrator, and therefore allow the reader to resonate with the message of the poem if it is applicable to their own lives.

I also like how you repeatedly refer to the narrator's past, for example, the line "To care you need to trust. With which mine was broken." By referring to the narrators past you successfully engage the imagination of the reader. Many questions arise in the readers mind from the aforementioned line, and these questions allow the reader to speculate about the narrator and therefore potentially understand better the message behind the poem.

I apologize if this review isn't particularly helpful, as its the first i have ever posted on this site. I thought this was a really thought provoking poem, and felt obliged to leave a review.

Hi, magiccharm2002! Bloodlord here for a review...

This poem is very beautiful, heartfelt, and certainly relatable for many (myself included). You convey this confused, apathetic, and almost empty mental state very well. This poem was, in my opinion, very well structured.

Your first two lines draw us into a situation where the world is a blur. Then you pose a conflict.

"I'm in a daze as it lays ahead of me,
not truly knowing where I stand."

These lines reflect a very real and daunting predicament for many young people as they ponder their meaning and place in this world.

".......But....
...I don't......"

I really like how you use the "..." to emphasize thought here. It conveys almost a sense of longing - the speaker wishes they could, but they find themselves simply incapable. To complement this, the second time with the lines "So...... / ..... I don't care......" you convey a sense of finality or conclusion.

Between this conflict with longing and your conclusion, you explore why the speaker feels like they cannot care. In doing so, you reveal to the readers, albeit indirectly, flashes of the speaker's past that has led him / her to his / her current perspective.

Your ending with two rhetorical questions seems a silent plead, maybe even a continuous longing. It is very heartfelt, and though the poem is about someone devoid of most emotion, you evoke many emotions in the reader by the end of the poem.

I have only a few minor suggestions that you can regard / disregard as you feel fit:

1. Punctuation

"People say I seem incomplete,
that I need to choose a side
that I need to care."

This seems to run together a little too much. Maybe a period or semicolon after the first line and a comma after the second?

"But how can one who is shattered care for one who is whole.
How can I live when all I feel is numb."

Since these are questions, I think you should end these with question marks. Question marks will also evoke a deeper emotion and a greater sense of despair / longing than simply putting periods.

2. Word choice

"To care you need a heart.
A heart with which I have none.

...

To care you need to trust.
With which mine was broken."

I don't think "with which" makes sense here. Here is one possible alternative (though I'm sure you could think of something better)...

"To care, you need a heart.
And I have none.

...

To care, you need to trust.
And mine was broken."

Thank you for sharing this - I look forward to reading anything else you may have in the future!!

Hello, I'm Jess.

I'd just like to say that this piece is wonderful and really goes into the deeper stuff that happens in one's mind (I share a few of these feelings with you dear).

"To care you need a heart.

A heart with which I have none.

To care you need to love.

That which I have lost.

To care you need to trust.

With which mine was broken."

This is something a lot of people can relate to, especially me. I really enjoy that you would start with "To care" like they are all the qualifications, and you are none of them. The three basics of caring: a heart, love, and trust. I think this is a beautiful concept.
I wish to read more of your poems soon!

Sincerely, Slurringsugars