z

Young Writers Society


12+

(N)Ever

by lyssiekins


Morning trees imbibe mineral delights

Synthesize patiently, without haste

Unfurling tender leaves catch every bite

Nature must not Waste.

Imagine, I the redwood drinking

And you the cloud of rain

Ephemerally floating over me

Whilst your very self drains.

Above, through, in and out

Just long enough to feed our needs

Casting shadows, and doubts

With shapes described in daydreams.

I, the mere observer

Beg guiltily, as though sinning

You, with no true borders

No end and no beginning.


Bless those who worship and disdain you

Ever in equal metric

Make my spindly skyward groveling

Ever more pathetic, yet

Ever more likely to reach and reach

To heaven,  to have and to hold you

Never knowing what those woken from

These lofty daydreams do.


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Points: 42
Reviews: 19

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Thu May 18, 2023 4:01 pm
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Hello,

just thought I'd leave a review. Immaculate poem, genuinely- the rhymes sound unique and impactful, really getting your message across. The allegories that resemble contradictions of the omnipotence of perhaps God/an energy force (I assume?) and the natural imagery further heightens the pronounced flaws that spirituality may have. Few criticisms for this, however perhaps add more detail to the second part?

Please keep publishing these, they are incredible.

Thank you :)




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Points: 42
Reviews: 19

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Thu May 18, 2023 4:00 pm
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emilia9ludenberg wrote a review...



Hello,

just thought I'd leave a review. Immaculate poem, genuinely- the rhymes sound unique and impactful, really getting your message across. The allegories that resemble contradictions of the omnipotence of perhaps God/an energy force (I assume?) and the natural imagery further heightens the pronounced flaws that spirituality may have. Few criticisms for this, however perhaps add more detail to the second part?

Please keep publishing these, they are incredible.

Thank you :)




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5 Reviews


Points: 86
Reviews: 5

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Thu May 18, 2023 1:17 pm
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Jimmeniah wrote a review...



OH I REALLY LIKED THIS. I love the rhyming, the similes, the metaphors, and the imagery it entails. The poem never directly leans one way or the other over the opinion on the relationship between worshipper and worshipped. There is enough to let the reader draw their own conclusions. I think the title does well to draw the distinction between a heathen ((N)ever) or a priest Ever. I might have to ready this a couple more times after this review too!




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39 Reviews


Points: 1237
Reviews: 39

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Thu May 18, 2023 7:15 am
sulagna wrote a review...



hi there!
went through your writing....nice thought though...some words i found really to be appropriate to use in certain sentences. but just a suggestion...you could have maintained a pattern...it does not go in link with your writing content...but it just...makes your writing look better...nd in more a poetic way~
well...thats all i had to say...keep writing...




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51 Reviews


Points: 83
Reviews: 51

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