I know you too have stared at what you are,
through the eyes of the ultimate observer,
and seen yourself standing against the flow of time.
Sheltered by the ageless feeling,
watching as all around you,
others are gripped by senescence.
I know you too have felt the fear,
as, while wondering, you come to realize,
the impermanence of your self.
You withdrew from the thought,
as I once did.
It revolted you inside out.
Could this time be the last of my time?
I all ready wasted too much to go back.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,482 Literary Works • 673,249 Reviews
Hi there, Roxy here!
This is certainly an interesting piece!
I like the definate title, that time is running out and there is no other options about it! I like the way you kept this certain tone during the poem as well, telling the reader that you know that they have had these feelings and thoughts too.
What I dont think serves this poem (or really any poem in my opinion!) is the "...." its not neccassary and is really trying to take the reader by the hand and tell them that your thought is continuing on, even though the poem has ended, but you dont need to show us this through the "...", we know, we understand.
I would also try and make the two stanzas of equal length, it will make the poem look neater, especially seeing as there are only two stanzas.
The piece is good however, and it deals with a relatable topic, which is always good!
Keep on writing!
*shivers* so, scary! *runs and hides behind rock*. Ok, so first off like this poem very much. Feels like it's been created from deep thoughts. As for grammar, I see no problems. And spelling, ah, this is where you made some mistakes. "yourself" is one word. And that's it. Oh, just curious, senescence are those creepy things where people try to summon "ghost/spirits", right?
I know its one word, I used it in the first paragraph and I wanted to mirror it with the other use in the second stanza to draw attention to the word "self" as a separate entity like watching yourself grow old. Senescence is aging, it comes from the same root word as senile, lol.