Piano Man

One of the only bad things I noticed about this was how inconsistent your stanzas were. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. It is something someone will notice, and it is something that I pick up when the poem is down on paper, yes, but, if read aloud and it sounds fine, then I say that it should be fine. Other than that, awesome job.

Hello there,

Firstly I'd like to say this is really good I also would like to say that I loved this poem it had a lot of really descriptive language and I liked the range of emotions displayed in this, it was very thoughtful and interesting and I really enjoyed reading it.

I liked the way you posted the picture slightly above the poem to introduce the topic and show us what you were trying to write about. It was also a good image to choose in itself because the colors popped out of the page and really caught people's eyes. Besides those reasons it is just imaginative to put a picture there.

One thing I was puzzled about though was the length of the stanza's they were very different lengths and just looking the poem I got the impression that it was very scruffy, disjointed and inflowing but when reading it though I didn't really notice it though, still something to think about.

Overall I really liked it and it definitely showed creativity and it was very good and I really liked it, just consider the size of the stanzas, well done though!

From CuteJackRussell

Funkymomo: personification. Thats the word you were looking for.

Kay. Lets get down to buisness.

Stanza one:good. Nice way to open up the poem. I particularly liked how the rhyming was placed in an ABBC pattern there. Really good.

Stanza two: a tiny bit agitated at the stanza length change, but it flowed fine and sounded fitting, which is what we look for, right? Right.

Stanza three: WOAH. Just hold on a sec. I get what you are saying here, but 1) it kinda just isn't going with the rest of the poem and 2) it really is alittle confusing. Maybe, since this stanza is so sharp, reword it and make it softer. You know?

Stanza four: this is a good stanza, except you start two lines with "when", and the third line does not fit. Maybe try "you fail me once again" dont worry too much about the rhyming. Rhyming puts restrictions that you sometimes just can not work with.

Stanza five: okay except "in" should be with, and "My" should be The if you wantpeople to understand the first time they read it. I would drop the last line, but that is just my preference.

Stanza six: hmmmmm. I love this, but maybe the last line could be shorter?

Stanza seven: this id perfect. I would just add a few words. "But" in front of the second line, then maybe " I dont fret/For this you will regret"

Despite my blunt critique, i really do like this poem. I myself am a pianist, so it is easier to understand for me. Thank you for writing this, and good luck to you.

-Vee

lovethelifeulive wrote:Piano Man

I am your piano manHere I would either put a semi-colon, or a hypen at the beginning of the next line.
I sing and play,
but you never stay
long enough to hear the end.

I will hum you the scales
that speak of tales
of forbidden love from long long ago.

The old wooden keys
crackle and cry is displease do you mean 'in'? If so 'in displease' isn't really grammatically correct, but I suppose in order to rhyme the lines, an exception can be made...
to be restored,
for they cannot handle the strong enriching chords.

My fingers are like feathers,I would change this to a ';' or insert a hyphen at the beginning of the next line.
long, soft, and gentle.
You are so very judgmental,
when I pour out my heart through my fingers
hoping you will linger,
when you hear the love in my song.

Why am I your paino man? Should be 'piano'
I let you bash and burn me
as my eyes fill in water like the sea. I suggest changing this to 'with'
My music I play The word 'The' word be better.
you say is okay.
Substanderd at best. Substandard
These malicious words you do suggest.

I will not be your piano man.
Playing only for your approval.
I will never sing you my song,
I don't ever have to hear you tell me that I am wrong.

I will never be your piano man.
You will long for my music.
This situation is classic.
Don't fret,
this you will regret.
At least you don't have to listen to my beautiful noise.

First thing I noticed was that you're inconsistent in your stanza's although it sounded fine when I read it aloud. Anyways, I love the message, of someone not appreciating something until they lose it. You do a great job showing personality and exactly what's happening. If I could suggest anything, i'd say you could use more descriptive words or say things to make your poem come alive, like, " My piano sings for you" I can't remember for the life of me what that's called. Personalization? IDK, just bring inanimate objects to life. I get a great image in my head when I read this. Great poem! Hope I helped!