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triggers

by lillianna


authors note: this is a trigger warning for self harm, eating disorders, and mental health issues.

up in my head

where the lights are dim

these words float around

making my everyday grim 

~~~
“oops, i forgot to eat today!”

the popular girl says laughing

i cringe, my shoulders tensing up

nobody asks what happened

~~~
“guys look at my scars.”

he holds out his wrist

my hands slide to my thighs

rubbing the little indents, my mind in a twist

~~~
“my gag reflex is so bad.”

says the girl next to me

i look down at my fingers

that fit down my throat like a key

~~~
“i’ve been feeling depressed.”

my friend texts back

does she know what that means?

it hits me across the face like a harsh slap

~~~
“let me see your wrist.”

the boy in my class says

i jerk away when he fits his hand around it

they have no idea what that does

~~~
my head spins with all these words

the phrases that will send me spiraling down

why can’t they leave me alone?

people still use my mind like a playground


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25 Reviews


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Tue Dec 22, 2020 6:05 pm
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FireEyes wrote a review...



Hey, I'm forcing myself to review cuz I haven't in a while sooo, Incoming review.

I just want to say that I love all your works. They speak in such simple terms but pack such a punch. When you have people talking in the background or talking to the narrator it gives me a feeling of the Matrix when everything slows down. (I had to look it up so I made sure I wasn't being a cultural idiot.) But anyway, it gave me that vibe and that's really cool. The narrator was just kind of an onlooker and being taken aback to their old experiences. I feel like trigger warnings are overlooked by some people as "Unnecessary caution," due to the 2018 meme of getting triggered. And that has messed with some people's view on triggers.

The point you make on other people acting as triggers really touches me. "'Oops, I forgot to eat today!' The popular girl said." That is a great example of someone acting as a trigger who had no intent of hurting someone. But it's those douchecanoes who know of your past struggles, and purposefully bring it up to see a reaction. I know Billie Eillish is cliché but this lyric from Everything i wanted fit perfectly here. "If they knew what they said would go straight to my head What would they say instead?"

But one thing that speaks most to me it when the narrator's friend have been feeling depressed. I have been diagnosed with depression before and when someone misunderstands what depression is, it makes me feel that my "feeling" are not valid. Some people thing depression is just feeling sad, when in reality its extensive sadness mixed with not being able to feel. Kind of like living in a void.

But I love this poem. Keep it up. I wanna read more of your works! Okay, anyway byeeeeee.




lillianna says...


thank you!!! i%u2019m glad you liked it!



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Tue Dec 22, 2020 5:20 pm
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aooborromeo wrote a review...



This leaves a mark well on many people, specifically myself. I love the message your speaker is trying to bring with the little actions the people around him/her do. I especially relate to the wrist grabbing, something I still struggle with (getting better though, don't worry). I often times find many problems with poets using their narrator's subconscious with this particular topic of mental health. You however, did a lovely job demonstrating the effects of the simple, normal environment on this character.

I love the mixed non-structured rhyme scheme, since it works with the way this character seems to think and process things.

One critique though, the flow of some of the lines and transitions are a little messy which can work in some cases, however if you change the line "the popular girl says laughing" to a word other than popular, it might sound more pleasing on the tongue. Just think about it.

Love this poem. Great job!




lillianna says...


thank you for the review!



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Thu Dec 17, 2020 9:09 am
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Grace4life says...



Wow this is a great poem, and its my first poem to read, I'm glad I picked it first because it just inspired me to keep on writing. That's why I love poems it expresses the writers emotions and puts you in the writer's mind. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work. This poem really spoke to me because it connects with what went through when I was just starting highschool. Keep on writing because you amazing at what you do. :)




lillianna says...


thank you so much!



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Thu Dec 17, 2020 2:50 am
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Vil says...



<33333333




lillianna says...


<333



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Wed Dec 16, 2020 10:49 pm
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Very nice!




lillianna says...


thank you!



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Wed Dec 16, 2020 6:55 pm
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piyaliarchives wrote a review...



piyali archives

Hi there!
Firstly, I liked the poem very much, and as I read each line one by one, I felt sad and satisfied because this describes the feelings in a simple way. Even though I may not have experienced these literally, I felt connected with the lines you wrote and put myself in the narrator's position.
And like yall be rhyming those lines like o_o wow! My brain can't write poetry since it bursts my brain cells, but I appreciate those who do write them ^^

Thanks!




lillianna says...


aw thanks so much for the review! i%u2019m glad you enjoyed it!



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Wed Dec 16, 2020 5:22 pm
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NastyMajesty says...



<3<3<3<3<3




lillianna says...


<333



NastyMajesty says...


<# <# <#
wiffle hearts



lillianna says...


pancakes with abs



NastyMajesty says...


yes



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Wed Dec 16, 2020 4:02 pm
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LordMomo says...



<3 *hug*




lillianna says...


<3




Half the work that is done in this world is to make things appear what they are not.
— Elias Root Beadle