Blood

Hi there LemonTheDorkyPanda I am hear to do a review on you poem, I know I promised, but maybe… so What was the promise now, you see you need to ekes plan your self a bit more than this, My outside smile deceives the same thing here what are you deceiving, Numb, this is stranch I think that it should say, I feel so Numb, then to make it rime you could say, I feel so Numb and dome, you see what I did, I can pretend, with this port I feel like the can should be can't, But I’ll keep you outside… why are the fool stops there may I ask, F alling so far why is the F sprite from the rest of the rest of the word, so that is all that I can say about it, so keap up with the good work.

From @MoonFlower

'I'm fine.' Whenever that phrase slips out of someone's lips the exact opposite is the truth. Again, another great piece written with emotion intertwined with it. This piece and the other one of yours I read both show people that they are not alone when they feel as these poems outline. I like how at the end you made an anagram out of it. Nice brain there.

Wow! This poem is absolutely amazing! I can feel the emotion pouring out of it. I myself have not been in the position the narrator is in, but the detail really puts me in their shoes. I especially loved the anagram you used at the end, "I still want the pain

‘ Til late at night

M y craving grows



F alling so far

I waited too long for someone to save me

N ow I’m dead and gone

E ven though my eyes have yet to close, heart yet to stop"

This put the poem on a whole other level. Overall I really loved this piece, and I am very excited to read more from you.

-Megan17

Oh. My. Goodness!
This poem is too real. I can FEEL the pure, raw emotion you've put into this poem, and it hits me right where it hurts. I so rarely find pieces like that. I've never I feel honored that you've chosen to share this deeply personal piece with us. Thank you.
As to the actual writing style, there isn't much to critique. It's free-verse, which, as I know from experience, looks simple but can be tricky to write. There's a certain flow, a rhythm without which the piece feels flat, and no mapped out pattern you can follow-- and you've got it down pat!
The line breaks (which I know you didn't really get before) are perfect-- they don't feel randomly placed at all!
I really like the acrostic at the end, and the breaks work there too!
I can't wait to read more from you-- tag me next time you write something!
-LJF

Thank you everyone, for all of your support. For those who were wondering, this is personal, this is about me and how it's been the past year. How it might be getting worse. Just today every time I spoke, people would make faces because all i could talk in was a monotone voice. It's the first time i've felt emotionless and broken the entirety of a school day. And yeah, the therapist I see, I don't open up to him alot but yesterday i did a little and he and some counselors at school are thinking about putting me on meds. Right now I'm not sure of anything but how thankful I am that at least my real friends care. You guys. Well, my only friends. But really, thank you. I'm still fighting the crave and it's difficult, but i'm working at it.

Your poem very accurately and saddeningly conveys depression and self-harm. The need to cry out but the unfortunate way someone in this position may not do so directly or verbally. And sometimes the people we do talk to can't help us or aren't in a position to actually help...

If this is in anyway shape or form about your own experiences, plans, or emotions, please know that there are resources and people who can help you! Anonymous, even. But I can tell you as someone who has gone through depression and it's... side effects so to say, talking helps, keeping it hidden from the people who can help us the most tends to allow it to fester. It may seem like nobody notices, but it's hard for people to notice when we try so hard to hide the entirety of what is going on... Not everyone understands what it is like, and so it's important to talk to the right person... Counseling/Therapy/Psychologists are very helpful, talking to someone who isn't going to judge you and is in a position to help you in many ways is very very beneficial! if medication is needed, only someone like this can help. If you need someone to talk to and you feel like you can't to anyone else, they can! You are loved, even if it doesn't feel like it. And your life is meaningful!

But in full regards to your poem... It struck a cord in me. Hearing the position of someone who is suffering like this, it's not an easy thing to read... You have a talent for writing, and you convey such a serious and devastating condition and state of being... I truly hope if this is coming from a personal place, that you improve and know you have resources and it can and does get better! Be strong, you got this!

Keep writing,

-Katja

Thanks for sharing this very personal poem describing a person's urgent need to destroy himself. As a reader, of course, I worry that it might not be a persona being used but that it might be how the writer himself or herself might be feeling and might be planning to carry it out. If indeed it is so, then I suggest that professional help be sought. Since no specific reasons art provided for feeling that way I can't very well focus on the cause or causes. Regardless, please keep in mind that your profound anxiety and seemingly obsessive thoughts and emotions can be generated by an imbalance of neurotransmitters in the brain. A balance can be restored via medication. So it would be foolish not to try to seek such a remedy and assume that the condition is not amenable to treatment.


As for the poem itself, it does very effectively convey the desperation of the speaker and arouse the worries of the reader. So in that sense it is successful. Yes, sometimes being alive is very hard. Much suffering involved. Things seem to always go wrong and the easy way out seems suicide. I think the majority of us have contemplated that at one point in our lives where things seemed unbearable.

http://www.holisticdepressionhelp.com/d ... mbalances/

Just...don't do it. Try to think of something, ANYTHING at this point, that makes you happy. And NO! CUTTING DOES NOT MAKE YOU HAPPY! WHAT IT DOES IS MAKE YOU FEEL WORSE, WHILE THE PAIN MAY FEEL NICE DURING CERTAIN TIMES, IT DOES NOT SOLVE A GOSH DARN THING LEMS!

I want you to be happy, don't just start getting into habits again, it makes things worse and worse and worse until you can't do anything except that...

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