Good days

Hello, Weather here with a review.

I liked the story you were telling in this poem, it fit with the title well. I assume the lack of punctuation was intentional? Which is fine in poetry I guess, it worked in this instance for the most part. I also liked the simplicity which was still able to catch the attention of the reader.

I just have a few suggestions for you which might help improve your poem even more.

"You know it’s perfectly okay

you can have good days and

bad ones

god knows I have my

ups and down"

For me, I felt like this as an opening didn't grab the attention of the reader as much as the other two stanzas, which may be due to lack of imagery and description in here. There wasn't a bold statement to begin this stanza either. I also think your vocabulary could have been expanded as oppose to using the basic, "okay", "bad day" the cliche, "ups and down" There could have been a lot of emotion in how heavy the bad day was, which brought you to your lowest, hence the "down" or how euphoric your good day was thus the, "ups", the phrase, "god knows" was used a bit loosely here that could have been a powerful sentence if used correctly. This is just my opinion.

"Some days will leave you

in pain and maybe

those will be the days

when you collect scars

like kids collect pennies

but you don’t get candy

for them

just dirty looks"

I liked this stanza most.


"But the days

you live for

are better

the days when

smiles come unbidden to

your lips

instead of being forced

when you can take pleasure

in the little things

and think that

everything just might

be okay"

This stanza is a little long so I think it should be broken down into two stanzas, it would also look better presentation wise.

Overall a very nice piece, keep writing.

--Weather

Hello There.
Well, this is really good. It's powerful and really draws the reader in. It flows really well. I felt that the last stanza had an optimistic tone. Maybe it's just me, but I loved it, whether you intended for it to be that way or it's my imagination at work. So thumbs up for all of this.

Coming to the improvements. I have four things to point out.
*First: You should think about the audience point that thomasmkraus, before me has pointed.
*Second: 2nd Stanza, 4th line. Consider changing the line to- "When you collect THE scars".
*Third: Last Stanza, 4th Line. Consider dding 'Than' in the beginning. It will become- "THAN the days when".
*Fourth: Last Stanza, 10th Line. Consider removing the 'You', i.e. changing the line to "and think that".

This is my personal opinion. Not everyone may feel the same. Although your poem flows well as it is, I feel making these changes will help it flow even better.

Hope I've been able to help! If you need me to review anythin else, PM me. I may take a while, but I'll get it done..

Harshita

Hello, dear. Thomas here for a review!

I really liked this poem a lot. I absolutely adore that you had absolutely no punctuation whatsoever. It made this poem flow a lot better and the stanzas felt really blended with one another. Normally, that wouldn't be a good thing, but with the way that you wrote this poem, it worked really well. The thing that would normally trip up a piece like this actually did the exact opposite. You really succeeded on this piece! Congratulations!

Something to think about, though.

You have to consider your audience. Who are you addressing? To whom is this meant to be read by? These things have to be considered because if you're aiming at the older crowd, you might want to invest in using a bit of punctuation. If you're aiming at the younger crowd, though, you're fine. An older age range might not understand the no commas/semicolons/periods thing.

Other than that, fantastic job, m'dear! Keep writing! You're really good at it.

I like this.

Especially,

"when you collect scars

like kids collect pennies

but you don’t get candy

for them

just dirty looks".

Really to the point but also powerful and relatable.