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Presently Absent

by kaceymackwriter

My vision tumbles

As I fall to the side.

Head hits the pillow

Veil of hair hides my eyes.

Somewhere to the side

Muffled music lightly plays

I’d pause it for silence

If only my arm would raise.

But my body is frozen

As tears stream down my face.

I cannot search for nowhere

Near is a single ounce of strength.

And taunting me

From the far reaches of the room,

Is a soul so sickeningly lost,

Hollow, it wanders,

Entrapped in this tomb.

It’s torturous cry

Is screaming to me

“Hunt down the stray,

It’s not hard to see.”

Do you understand?

Have you seen what I’m missing?

The search still continues

While I am stuck wishing.

It’s not just an empty quest,

A mocking spirit’s mission

There’s a plea of insanity

If only I might listen.

But my brain still protests,

So eager in dismissal.

Waving away in denial.

Because I’m what is hidden.

I used to be someone.

At least I think that I was.

I think I was there,

In everything that I loved.

Like the quotes on my wall

Or the books that I had.

I think that was me,

But I don’t understand.

That messy blue paint,

And those colorful stickers,

Trophies and art projects

And walls full of pictures.

I know that was me.

So where the hell have I gone?

What part of me’s left?

Or is all of that lost?

My smile is bleak and fading.

My eyes are lifeless voids.

There’s an empty pit

Where my stomach was

And my veins are dark and barren roads.

Jagged stubs replaced my nails.

I can barely lift an arm.

Sparkling shadows

Cloud my view

When I stand and fall to harm.

Such an absent weight,

Where my heart used to be.

That missing ring on my finger,

Now a misplaced part of me.

So, who am I now?

Am I the pain in my head?

From the ribbons of stress

And every bead that I’ve bled?

Am I the tears on my face,

The ones to silently fall?

Am I the constant screaming in my head,

While my gaze is fixed to the wall?

Am I the dark circles

Deep set under my eyes?

Or am I the bile at the back of my throat

Forged of dread and lies?

Am I a poet at all?

Do these words have a meaning?

Is all of this torture

From a malevolent demon?

Because I want to cry,

But the tears aren’t there.

And I long to scream

Past my vacant stare.

There are words in my mind.

Yet they died in my throat.

I know how to swim

But I can’t stay afloat.

And now I’m stuck in space

Shrieking to no avail.

There’s a husk in my place,

Where I used to be

And I’m suffocating without air. 

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18 Reviews

Points: 104
Reviews: 18

Fri Sep 20, 2019 3:23 pm
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averyismediocre wrote a review...

I wanted to write like an extensive review about this that like critiqued everything, but honestly, there's nothing to change that I personally see and there are no words(funny considering we're all writers)to describe how beautiful and gut-wrenching this poem is. However, I'm going to try anyway. I could feel the emotions thoroughly with each word. The rhyme scheme was absolutely stunning and the longer stanzas instead of short four-line stanzas really helped portray the beautiful message the words held. I can't tell you enough how much I related to the last six stanzas. It really felt like someone else understands what I feel like half of the time. Thank you so much for writing this absolutely amazing poem and I can't wait to see what other works you produce in the future.

- Avery<3

thank you!!! i'm so glad you enjoyed it and were able to connect with it! :)

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562 Reviews

Points: 14335
Reviews: 562

Tue Sep 17, 2019 2:26 pm
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...

Hello FlamingPhoenix here with a review for you on this lovely day and to help get your work out the green room for you!

Okay let's begin.

I didn't see anything wrong with this poem, I thought it was written to perfection! I just loved all the deep emotion you put into this peace, it just made me feel more connected to the poem, to me emotions are really important in a poem, because they are the glue that pulls it all together. And I just adore your rhyming! It was very well done, and you carried it through the poem, which I have tried to do before, and it's not as easy as you would think, so I think you did an amazing job.
I love the name you chose for the poem, it fit's it so well, the meaning of the title slowly became more clear the deeper I got into the poem, the title to your poem was also the thing that made me come and read your work and I'm really glad I did! ;)
I also love the length of this poem, because it felt like you were telling a story through your words and emotions, and talking of words I think you did a very good job at choosing some nice ones. If you asked me to change one thing in this poem I don't think I would find anything, it's that good.

As you can tell I am very much blown away with your writing and I'm glad I got to read and review your work. I hope you will write more poetry, because I would love to have a look at more of your works. I hope you will never stop writing and have a great day or night.

Your friend
Reviewing with a fiery passion!


User avatar
119 Reviews

Points: 10789
Reviews: 119

Tue Sep 17, 2019 3:18 am
Clairia wrote a review...

Hey, @kaceymackwriter! I'm Daughter, here to leave you a review.
Let's jump right in!

I loved, loved, LOVED your rhyme scheme throughout this piece. It flowed so well overall and was seemingly effortless; I hardly noticed until I started the review just because you blended it in so well! It was unfortunate that it drifted towards the end, however, especially during that last stanza. I would have really like to have seen you keep a steady rhythm through the whole thing.

The title is very fitting to your work, which was quite a relief. I wasn't sure if it did at first, but you did an excellent job simply describing what it truly means to be "Presently Absent". Well done! It can be hard to come up with a 'label' for one's pieces, but you seem to have done just that.
I'd also like to note how effectively you stuck to your theme, because that can be very difficult to do. I don't have a lot of criticisms for you in that area. You truly kept me hooked, and the piece didn't stray.

Overall, I really don't have much to critique. I love just about everything here; you've done so well! I can't wait to see what else you put out on YWS.
Thank you for sharing,

:) yay!! Thank you so much for the review! Upon going back and reading it a few times, I realized that there's a meter I kept to for most of the poem but the last few lines kinda broke it so I'm trying to fix it as best I can! Sometimes it's hard for me to understand that issues in a poem because I know how to read them like I'm just writing the words down for the first time so thank you for pointing that out! As for the title, I'm never really sure what to call my works so I'll go with the first or second thing that pops into my mind but I'm glad it worked out this time!! Thanks again!!

User avatar
16 Reviews

Points: 617
Reviews: 16

Mon Sep 16, 2019 11:44 pm

This I could never come up with anything like this. I didn't see much wrong with it, but either way, I wouldn't change a thing. I can relate, so don't worry, you're not alone. Keep writing! I'd love to see more poetry by you in the future!

:D thank you!!! I'm so so glad that you liked it!!

Anything's possible if you've got enough nerve.
— J.K. Rowling