Young Writers Society

"Stars mustn't worry about the darkness of space" is my new favorite sentence.

Hi there,

and welcome to Young Writers Society! So happy to see another poet on the site.

So this piece certainly has some very powerful lines; my favorite are where you forego some of the overly formal language and just talk about this person in relation to the stars:

stars mustn't worry about the darkness of space

Why expect me to shimmer, in a sky full of stars?

Here’s my abandon,
and my soul now scraped hollow.

I adore this! Every so often I'll come across a poem that I love so much that it makes me re-evaluate how often I should try reading poetry. This is the one for me this time.

I love your use of language, especially in the latter half of the poem. Not only are your descriptions impeccable, the senses and feelings you've brought out using relatively simple words are brilliant.

I wonder if it's my lack of experience with poetry that makes me suggest maybe not getting lost in metaphors so much? I suppose this is a metaphorical poem, so perhaps this advice is redundant. I just find that obvious literal impact is a great balance to the abstract metaphors I've read.

Not once did they dim?
Swallowed by what might await?
No...
stars mustn't worry about the darkness of space

Hello my friend, FlamingPhoenix here with a review for you on this lovely day, and to help get your work out the green room.

Okay let's start.

I don't no to much about poetry but from what I can tell this is a really, really well written poem, it's just amazing, I think you are a p born poet, this is amazing. I couldn't see anything wrong with it. Everything was done to perfection.
Now I wont to tell you why I love it so much.

So I want to start with the title to this poem, it is just the perfect choice, it shapes the poem, and it is the very thing that made me come and read your work, it just drew me in, and I'm really glad I did.
I think the emotions you put into this peace was so deep it made me feel everything you had put into here, I felt sad and angry all at the same time, it was such a good feeling along with the things you were saying.
Your punctuation was also spot on to. Having good punctuation always makes the poem better and give it a really good flow, and I think you have nailed that. It had a really good flow that just made everything move really well.
To be honest I don't have the words to tell you how amazed I am at this poem. It's just amazing, astonishing if I am honest. You could publish this some day.I;m sure lot of other people out there will love to read this just as much as I did.

Well that's all from me, I'm glad I got to read and review your work, it really did make me day. I hope you will keep writing and post again on YWS soon. I hope I get a chance to read more of your works soon, have a great day or night either one.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.

Helllllo!

This is amazing! I like how you put so much emotion in it, and I can tell you took a long time writing it. All the strands of sentences are woven together seamlessly and rhyme without being too obvious. I was halfway through and I thought...woah. This is great, almost hypnotic, but I have no idea what it's about. I was picking up a sense of loss, like it was fraying, but the lines-
"Rawness of flesh
Under tightening ropes.
Torment too much,
I had to let go."
-made me think it was more than that. Anyway, I couldn't find anything that I thought needed fixing. Over all amazing job!

AndName