My vision tumbles
As I fall to the side.
Head hits the pillow
Veil of hair hides my eyes.
Somewhere to the side
Muffled music lightly plays
I’d pause it for silence
If only my arm would raise.
But my body is frozen
As tears stream down my face.
I cannot search for nowhere
Near is a single ounce of strength.
And taunting me
From the far reaches of the room,
Is a soul so sickeningly lost,
Hollow, it wanders,
Entrapped in this tomb.
It’s torturous cry
Is screaming to me
“Hunt down the stray,
It’s not hard to see.”
Do you understand?
Have you seen what I’m missing?
The search still continues
While I am stuck wishing.
It’s not just an empty quest,
A mocking spirit’s mission
There’s a plea of insanity
If only I might listen.
But my brain still protests,
So eager in dismissal.
Waving away in denial.
Because I’m what is hidden.
I used to be someone.
At least I think that I was.
I think I was there,
In everything that I loved.
Like the quotes on my wall
Or the books that I had.
I think that was me,
But I don’t understand.
That messy blue paint,
And those colorful stickers,
Trophies and art projects
And walls full of pictures.
I know that was me.
So where the hell have I gone?
What part of me’s left?
Or is all of that lost?
My smile is bleak and fading.
My eyes are lifeless voids.
There’s an empty pit
Where my stomach was
And my veins are dark and barren roads.
Jagged stubs replaced my nails.
I can barely lift an arm.
Sparkling shadows
Cloud my view
When I stand and fall to harm.
Such an absent weight,
Where my heart used to be.
That missing ring on my finger,
Now a misplaced part of me.
So, who am I now?
Am I the pain in my head?
From the ribbons of stress
And every bead that I’ve bled?
Am I the tears on my face,
The ones to silently fall?
Am I the constant screaming in my head,
While my gaze is fixed to the wall?
Am I the dark circles
Deep set under my eyes?
Or am I the bile at the back of my throat
Forged of dread and lies?
Am I a poet at all?
Do these words have a meaning?
Is all of this torture
From a malevolent demon?
Because I want to cry,
But the tears aren’t there.
And I long to scream
Past my vacant stare.
There are words in my mind.
Yet they died in my throat.
I know how to swim
But I can’t stay afloat.
And now I’m stuck in space
Shrieking to no avail.
There’s a husk in my place,
Where I used to be
And I’m suffocating without air.
thank you!!! I'm so so glad that you liked it!!
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