My vision tumbles
As I fall to the side.
Head hits the pillow
Veil of hair hides my eyes.
Somewhere to the side
Muffled music lightly plays
I’d pause it for silence
If only my arm would raise.
But my body is frozen
As tears stream down my face.
I cannot search for nowhere
Near is a single ounce of strength.
And taunting me
From the far reaches of the room,
Is a soul so sickeningly lost,
Hollow, it wanders,
Entrapped in this tomb.
It’s torturous cry
Is screaming to me
“Hunt down the stray,
It’s not hard to see.”
Do you understand?
Have you seen what I’m missing?
The search still continues
While I am stuck wishing.
It’s not just an empty quest,
A mocking spirit’s mission
There’s a plea of insanity
If only I might listen.
But my brain still protests,
So eager in dismissal.
Waving away in denial.
Because I’m what is hidden.
I used to be someone.
At least I think that I was.
I think I was there,
In everything that I loved.
Like the quotes on my wall
Or the books that I had.
I think that was me,
But I don’t understand.
That messy blue paint,
And those colorful stickers,
Trophies and art projects
And walls full of pictures.
I know that was me.
So where the hell have I gone?
What part of me’s left?
Or is all of that lost?
My smile is bleak and fading.
My eyes are lifeless voids.
There’s an empty pit
Where my stomach was
And my veins are dark and barren roads.
Jagged stubs replaced my nails.
I can barely lift an arm.
Sparkling shadows
Cloud my view
When I stand and fall to harm.
Such an absent weight,
Where my heart used to be.
That missing ring on my finger,
Now a misplaced part of me.
So, who am I now?
Am I the pain in my head?
From the ribbons of stress
And every bead that I’ve bled?
Am I the tears on my face,
The ones to silently fall?
Am I the constant screaming in my head,
While my gaze is fixed to the wall?
Am I the dark circles
Deep set under my eyes?
Or am I the bile at the back of my throat
Forged of dread and lies?
Am I a poet at all?
Do these words have a meaning?
Is all of this torture
From a malevolent demon?
Because I want to cry,
But the tears aren’t there.
And I long to scream
Past my vacant stare.
There are words in my mind.
Yet they died in my throat.
I know how to swim
But I can’t stay afloat.
And now I’m stuck in space
Shrieking to no avail.
There’s a husk in my place,
Where I used to be
And I’m suffocating without air.
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137,484 Literary Works • 672,034 Reviews
I wanted to write like an extensive review about this that like critiqued everything, but honestly, there's nothing to change that I personally see and there are no words(funny considering we're all writers)to describe how beautiful and gut-wrenching this poem is. However, I'm going to try anyway. I could feel the emotions thoroughly with each word. The rhyme scheme was absolutely stunning and the longer stanzas instead of short four-line stanzas really helped portray the beautiful message the words held. I can't tell you enough how much I related to the last six stanzas. It really felt like someone else understands what I feel like half of the time. Thank you so much for writing this absolutely amazing poem and I can't wait to see what other works you produce in the future.
- Avery<3
thank you!!! i'm so glad you enjoyed it and were able to connect with it!
Hello FlamingPhoenix here with a review for you on this lovely day and to help get your work out the green room for you!
Okay let's begin.
I didn't see anything wrong with this poem, I thought it was written to perfection! I just loved all the deep emotion you put into this peace, it just made me feel more connected to the poem, to me emotions are really important in a poem, because they are the glue that pulls it all together. And I just adore your rhyming! It was very well done, and you carried it through the poem, which I have tried to do before, and it's not as easy as you would think, so I think you did an amazing job.
I love the name you chose for the poem, it fit's it so well, the meaning of the title slowly became more clear the deeper I got into the poem, the title to your poem was also the thing that made me come and read your work and I'm really glad I did!
I also love the length of this poem, because it felt like you were telling a story through your words and emotions, and talking of words I think you did a very good job at choosing some nice ones. If you asked me to change one thing in this poem I don't think I would find anything, it's that good.
As you can tell I am very much blown away with your writing and I'm glad I got to read and review your work. I hope you will write more poetry, because I would love to have a look at more of your works. I hope you will never stop writing and have a great day or night.
Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion!
Hey, @kaceymackwriter! I'm Daughter, here to leave you a review.
Let's jump right in!
I loved, loved, LOVED your rhyme scheme throughout this piece. It flowed so well overall and was seemingly effortless; I hardly noticed until I started the review just because you blended it in so well! It was unfortunate that it drifted towards the end, however, especially during that last stanza. I would have really like to have seen you keep a steady rhythm through the whole thing.
The title is very fitting to your work, which was quite a relief. I wasn't sure if it did at first, but you did an excellent job simply describing what it truly means to be "Presently Absent". Well done! It can be hard to come up with a 'label' for one's pieces, but you seem to have done just that.
I'd also like to note how effectively you stuck to your theme, because that can be very difficult to do. I don't have a lot of criticisms for you in that area. You truly kept me hooked, and the piece didn't stray.
Overall, I really don't have much to critique. I love just about everything here; you've done so well! I can't wait to see what else you put out on YWS.
Thank you for sharing,
Daughter
This is....just....wow. I could never come up with anything like this. I didn't see much wrong with it, but either way, I wouldn't change a thing. I can relate, so don't worry, you're not alone. Keep writing! I'd love to see more poetry by you in the future!