By my estimation, I do everything right
I make lives better, and that brings me light
I give all I've got, and I would gladly give more
Yet there are three words I have never heard before.
How often have I taken people in, frail as robin's eggs,
to share myself and share their strife, to put them on their legs.
Legs they use to walk away to waiting arms of others.
Never could I call myself someone's lover.
And yes, sometimes I despair; sometimes there is sadness there.
But never do I anger.
For love is not earned; it is given.
Love out of obligation is a prison.
To truly love a person is to set them free,
to let them be.
To be themselves and seek themselves,
be that away from me.
I'll still love them;
my love is not earned
my love was given,
if a bit spurned.
The charcoal of love, once burning bright,
makes great fuel for friendship,
which is love of a different kind
One day, I hope, I do find one for me.
The one where it works, for them and for me.
No doubt I'll be happy when I finally hear
"I love you, my lover", whispered into my ear.
But even before that fateful coming day, I'll keep loving anyway.
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129,915 Literary Works • 671,510 Reviews
Hi there!
It's been awhile since I've reviewed or been on here in general, so this may not be much but I'll do my best!
The review before this covered some really good points, so I won't' have much to add on that. However, in my opinion, while this reads as more of a romantic love, there's parts for me that can also fit into a friendship type of love quite well. This definitely hits home for me and I believe it will for several people. the lines:
"How often have I taken people in, frail as robin's eggs,
to share myself and share their strife, to put them on their legs.
Legs they use to walk away to waiting arms of others." Honestly struck me the deepest. This has been my experience throughout several friendships, taking someone in, helping them, giving that love and in the end they go find someone else, leaving you to feel like a stepping stone.
The ending of this was very easy and gentle, but very true.
So overall, great job! I'm glad I got to read this.
Keep writing!
FireSpyGirl
Nice to hear you enjoyed it!
hey juulman! welcome back to yws!
you've done a great job at encapsulating that feeling of watching others fall in love, while you yourself are, to say, "falling behind!" i loved your robin egg metaphor -- and there's definitely you could have said about how a mother robin must take care of her eggs as much as she can-- even if they risk being crushed.
^ i definitely wished you had taken that nature theme and ran with it! i think with poems, especially longer ones, it works more in your favor to take a couple themes/metaphors and keep them throughout the poem! (eg. loving is like waiting for an egg to hatch -- only to watch someone snatch it away, or something!)
and as a free verse poet, i may be biased towards non-rhyming poems, i think you could definitely do something cool with switching between rhyming while ideating about love and free-verse while you are crushed/being realistic.
generally, throughout the poem, i think you are almost a little too on the nose? as in, i understand the poem is about love, but i wonder if you could prolong saying it until the very end, and leaning more into figurative language or romance cliches?
^ i also think that prolonging would also help show just how out of reach it is for you-- but also how much you would like to have love in your life-- being on the tip of your tongue!
i love these lines in particular-- i think it's such an interesting feeling not being in love but also not being able to mad that people are in love-- because it's something we're taught to be grateful fore and to congratulate people on.
all in all, you're on to some really great stuff here! i always love a good love poem :] and feel free to take or ignore any of my opinions !
all the best,
herb :]
Thanks for the welcome back and the extensive review!
The robin's egg was meant to serve the greater metaphor of letting go, as a mother bird also has to let her chicks leave the nest and fly for themselves, but I could have made that clearer, I suppose
I do need to learn to not always rhyme my poems, so that suggestion may be something I look into later, great idea
I agree on the obviousness front, but I don't like dragging things out, just not my style.
Thanks for your reviews. I appreciated hearing an opinion of someone with such a different style to mine. Variety is the spice of life, as they say
Cheers