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125,027 Literary Works • 672,768 Reviews
Hello Juulman,
Wow. What a poem!
You have defined your voice to a tee. Your language is clear and creative and simple yet vivid. My favorite line is on stanza three "whispers of rebellion brewed." The voice of your piece reacts to these inmates in a funny fashion, like it's a coffee break for him. There are four ways a character can give such an impression. Reaction, the one you used, action, dialogue and description. You used all of them, but dialogue, being reasonable, as this is a poem. Very nice poem. I want you to please feel proud of it.
real
I like this poem, especially the part where it says, "Little screens glued to our eyes" (it's my favorite).
I also liked how you described the workers, how working is, and how you referred to the boss as "master."
As a beginner writer, I shouldn’t be giving tips or reviews to a professional writer. Nevertheless, I liked it. Keep writing!
:3