Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
I once read a book, it described life as such
Sometimes you lie upon the altar and get cut
other times you are the one that stands above
blade in hand, spilling others blood
It ended with the hero, if you want to call him thus
lying on the altar but,
he held the blade and such
he broke the cycle, cut himself and did it all for love
I cheered for him, for a saviour he was
He saved many people, by sacrificing much.
But I have since come to ask myself,
why do saviours always bleed?
Do we have to put them on a cross,
before we can believe?
Was the nailing really needed,
and dry desert heat a must?
Why do we need altars,
and why do we crave their blood?
Here is what I realised after thinking much,
this ideology of sacrifice, has long haunted us.
Martyred saints and your mum who works too much,
both got the same problem, they kill themselves and call it love.
But leaving isn't loving, love is being there
When you are dead gone, who is left to care?
When you sacrifice yourself, you simply sacrifice too much
You need yourself, I need your self, you need to stay for love
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141,247 Literary Works • 674,329 Reviews
An eggcellently good day to you! I have come here for Team Egg so let’s see what you have for us now!
Wellll at least the story sounds really interesting. I like the metaphor, on the altar being sacrificed or being the one to do the sacrificing (kinda like needing to step on others to get ahead in life) and how you can break out of that by an act of selflessness. I have this deep belief in me that humans are fundamentally good and that the systems around us force us to become evil and selfish (for whatever measure of “evil” one is using)
I also like how you are critiquing the story through your poem. That is also an interesting thought! And I also think that suffering for the greater good shouldn’t always be a requirement! And well, it also doesn’t right? Sometimes good people get to do good things without fully giving themselves up. Or at least, not completely.
I wonder if, in order to break the metaphor a different way, we could add more people, an entire support network to the scene to wrestle the knife out of the hand? That we should look to the other people in our lives for support and community?
Sorry for not looking into your wordings etc but I was so intrigued by the message, have my pseudo-intellectual ramblings instead :3
#TrustTheEgg
This is soo good. The character id Jesus Christ did i get it right. I love how you connected saints to our everyday heroes our parents. The line Why do saviors have to bleed before we believe is my favorite line because it shows that it takes seeing to believe in something. It shows that we as people will not believe something as long as we didn't see it. Something you can change and this is only my opinion but at the start you started with an entrie paragraph. I grt the style is freestyle but it causes you to lose interest in the piece from the start. It sbetter for you to ease the reader into the piece before getting bulky but thats only my opinion but This is a truly passionate piece and I look forward to reading your work in the future