The knife feels so light in his hand
as if he's done this a million times before.
He looks at it as the sun shines off of it onto his target.
His prey lying down motionless as if saying it's last prayers.
He looks up to see his family starting sullenly
they are all blank faced as they prepare happily
for this brutal murder to finish quickly
as we all know actions compared with words speak loudly.
His hand goes up in one quick motion
and in his head he made a decision
...
Down goes the blade,
It first hits the neck
So juicy, so fresh.
His adrenaline is pumping
his heart almost out of his chest
as he confirms the incision is done
he looks around to see the people have begun
to cheer, to clap, to whistle, to snap.
His work is over,
he gets up to say
"Happy Thanksgiving, and to all a good day!"
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139,399 Literary Works • 672,548 Reviews
Whoa!! You are really a master of Irony. In starting when I was reading this I thought The Killer is killing a human. And that suspense didn't let me blink my eye. It's interesting. In starting the situation was pretty horrible and some kind of full of mystery. But as you go down the story gets interesting and amazing. The eyes get wide open and the question keeps on revolving in mind that what will happen next? And at the end the situation is completely different and funny to some extent. You did it nicely and perfectly.
To make it more easy you could split it up in stanzas. And it will make a poem more beautiful
For me everything is perfect.
Have a good upcoming time
Mahvash.
I thought this was going to be really edgy, honestly. And I love that you just turned a regular holiday and told it from this satirical point of view. When I read the last line, my first thought was "this lil s***" not because I thought it was bad but just because I was so taken aback at first because here I was thinking it'd be like a bad creepypasta but you brought something much better to the table.
Your poem is great but I think it could flow just a bit better, now before you're like "Well, Poetry doesn't really need punctuation ect." I get it, sometimes poems can go really far without punctuation but on the other hand sometimes a little comma here and there can really make the reader think.
For example,
I think it would really benefit putting a comma after "His work is over" just for pausing's sake.
Maybe read through your poem and where you instinctively pause, put a comma.
But everyone has their own opinions, so take the punctuation thing in stride.
Hey g!
Okay this was good but it could be made certainly better, caz I believe that even the best could be made better!
The pening is awesome. I like the suspense that you have created in the 1st stanza. It really did work out well for me. Even in the second stanza you haven't lost the touch of suspense. You have carved it quite beautifully, which is remarkable!
I like the way you opened the poem. That line really did hit a spot, caz of course a killer would not think twice before brutally killing its pray.the end though was a surprise but a good one.
And you could give a crap about punctuations. Like add a coma where you want a pause and add a Full stop after you finish a sentence and want to start a new one.
Sorry this was short and I know not so helpful, but I did try and anyway I have a motive to praise anything and everything that I find good. So yeah... I hope to see more of your works in the future... Until then keep up the good work!
Fangirl~
P.S.- a late welcome to YWS!