"the night is young
and so are we"
is what he used to say
when the stars would gleam
and the night was black
and i would sigh with stars reflected in my eyes
when the warm summer air
would stir the river
and the frogs would sing their song
when the moon would shine
and the crickets would hum
and he would stare so earnestly
we would stay until it got too late
and we would part ways
each of us going home
But still those words echo:
"the night is young
and so are we"
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Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Heya, Cloud! Casanova here to do a review for you! I'll be taking this stanza by stanza, so I hope you don't mind. To the review!
I really like the start of this poem. It adds a realistic tone to the poem, and I rather enjoyed that. So props for that. Anyway, onward.
I feel like you would get more emotional impact if you would cut the,"when's," down to one. The first one, in my opinion seems the best. You're getting into repetitive territory here again, and that really takes away from the poem.
I really like the imagery,"and I would sigh with stars reflected in my eyes." For some reason these lines really got to me, and I would suggest keeping them in the poem throughout edits, if you do edit.
The next thing would be cut your,"and's," down. It does feel too repetitive, and I feel like you could cut them out. Everything but the first two and the last one would be good, in my opinion, and you wouldn't have to add anything. I think shortening it gives it that realistic, dramatic feel. And, honestly, I can't tell if this is romantic or not. At some points I think you're hinting at it, and others not so much, so could you elaborate on that for me? Anyway, onward.
I rather like the repetition of the lines,"the night is young/and so are we." I do, and I don't know why, because I dislike repetition.
Anyway, overall I think you have a decent poem idea that could use some fixing up.
I think that's all I have on this one, and I hope it helped.
Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.
Your friend, Matt
I enjoyed reading this piece!
Overall Impressions
The overall continuity was impressive; you stick with the theme and image of the night and just expand upon it without taking different turns or getting distracted. The beginning and closing quotes are great bookends to the piece as well.
Formatting
I thought the formatting seemed pretty good/consistent, I wish the stanzas were a bit more even though and I thought line 6 was a bit long. I thought all of the capitalization and punctuation (or lack thereof) seemed appropriate as well.
Word Choice & Theme
The words of the piece are really simple as well as the images, but I feel like there's a darker heavy theme in the background. From the use of past tense verbs in line 3, and then the last portion of stanza two. I think a reader could interpret the poem as either being about two people parting ways when they've outlived their youth, or even interpret it as losing someone to death - especially with all the night imagery.
The line "each of us going home" really stands out and makes me pause as well. Each line before that in the stanza has the word "would" in it, and then this line breaks that pattern. It might be interesting if you tried to do that "would" thing with more of the lines in stanza 1. The 5th line could be "The night would turn black", just to connect it more with the last stanza.
Nice work!
~alliyah
The stanzas are all supposed to be 3 lines each, but for whatever reason, I can never get the shift enter thing to work 100% of the time.
And I know this sounds silly but the poem is about Animal Crossing. If you know the game, there are villagers in your town, and this poem was about something that my favorite villager would say. It's just such a nostalgic game for me, so I wrote this poem. I know it's a little weird, but I like the way it turned out.
The curse of YWS formatting! (Make sure you're at the end of the line when you hold the "Shift/Enter" and then just click normal "enter" when you want a full stanza break) - I can only get it to work some of the time as well. Interesting background on the piece.
Ahhh!! Love this!
You've used such good imagery and metaphors and pesonification, I particularly like the
"when the warm summer air
would stir the river"
This is really good.
I disagree with anyone who says they don't like love poems... No doubt there are so many of them, but they are the one thing in this world that is pure, the emotion captured in love poems is far more beautiful than that of any other type of poem (you can guess that I predominately write love poems too!!)
Keep writing! - Tiana
Hello there. I hope to give a fair review.
I personally don't like love poems, so I won't talk much about content. Sorry. I didn't notice any grammar mistakes, but lack of punctuation sometimes change the meaning (though not this time). Although the flow is destroyed in such a way. I also don't think that the several stanzas serve any great purpose. Or maybe you can give them a purpose by adding punctuation. Overall, poem is nice and I enjoyed reading it. Keep it up!