Yep. This one's based on one of my friends as well - she liked cats. :-)
Again, this is an old one. But I've always wanted to put it up- so I am.
I seldom finish my stories so I reakon I'd put the 'finished' ones up before writing any new ones.
Thanks for reading :3
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Long ago in the Kingdom of Cat’s there lived a young maiden cat named Tash.
Tash was an abby cat, a commoner in the Cat Kingdom.
She lived and slept beside a pond hidden inside the enormous tree in the centre of the Kingdom. Tash worked as a nurse for the stray cats and despite her poor fortune was loved by everyone. But no one in the Kingdom loved Tash as much as the Prince Salmon, for it was he who was completely obsessed with the maiden.
One day the foolish prince had bumped his head on a tree branch whilst chasing after a mouse,Tash tended the prince's wound but the damage was permanent. Prince Salmon turned crazy and began barking like a dog, his crush on abby cat Tash became an obsession.
Everyday Prince Salmon would hassle Tash on her mistakes. The penalty for her failure was always the same, “If you fail me again Abby Cat Tash, I will have you marry me!” Unfortunately, the day Tash turned 5, was the day she was eligible for a maiden in waiting. The prince immediately selected Tash for his bride and soon the marriage was set.
But not before her friends had anything to say about it.
Tash had many friends within the Kingdom, both rich and poor.
One of her friends was a Sleek Bombay Black Cat named Jose’. A middle-class cat with a knack for magic and weak knees for beautiful maidens. After injuring six cats with his ‘Impecto Matrodum’ spell, he and Tash became friends fast.
Another friend of Tash’s was the Pretty Persian cat named Frannie. A cat whose fluffy white fur and deep blue eyes became a hit in the Broadway hit ‘Cats’ and has lived in fame and fortune ever since. Jose' and Frannie hatched a plan.
With the help of both Jose’ and Frannie, Tash was able to escape before the ceremony began.
Outraged the Prince decreed that any cat caught assisting Tash with her escape would be put down.
Instead of running away from the kingdom, her friends discreetly snuck her into the very core of it, to Tash’s home. Once they we’re inside, Jose’ and Frannie plopped Tash in the river.
Tash growled at them, thinking they were teasing her.
But as Jose’ began to purr rhythmically the water glowed and turned white.
The river pond was a portal.
When Jose’ told Tash the portal lead to the human world, Tash started to bicker. Tash feared the human world, but the more she argued with Jose’ the more his focus began to slip.
Mistaking it for milk, Frannie began to drink the water, just as the portal began to swirl.
In a frantic and panicked attempt to drag Frannie out of the portal, Jose’ got sucked in and all three cats were sent to the human world.
When Tash woke, she felt barren and cold.
As she turned her neck and saw both Jose’ dark disarayed locks and Frannie’s white-blond mane, she was relieved.
Yet as she stretched and yawned she felt something was missing.
Almost immediately after she realised her tail was missing, she noticed the foreign paws at her side, the disappearance of her fur . . . not only had Tash travelled to the human world.
She was human.
TO BE CONTINUED________
End of chapter
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141,249 Literary Works • 674,329 Reviews
This is really cute! The twist at the end was very unexpected but I felt you could sort of build up some more suspense beforehand, being as that seemed to be the climax. The ending seemed a little hurried.
Other than that, this is great. You're a good writer and this was unique and entertaining.
Keep writing!
First, I personally love cats. The twist at the end is awesome, totally unexpected. The characters seem cool, from what I know of them.
That being said, where are all the details? There is no dialogue and no description. We never hear if Tash loves the prince back. We never hear what anybody looks like. Not everybody knows what a Bombay looks like.
An example for the very end when Tash turns human could be, "She inhaled, noticing as she did that the human air was very...bland. All of the sweet smells of the grass, cool beneath her body, seemed...muted...somehow. Like when she had a cold, more than half the smells were blocked. And it was oddly quiet. She could hear the birds chirping from far away, but nothing of mice rustling through the grass, and in a meadow like this, there had to be mice. She suddenly came to notice that she was very cold, and looked over her body, thinking her fur must have been soaked when she went through the portal. Instead, she was furless... oddly shaped...and what had happened to her paws. She looked at her friends and realized it from the way they gazed at her in disgust. She hadn't just traveled to the human world. She was human."
Now, that was just on the spot and I'm sure you can do much better about that.
Yeah, I know what your saying. Totally.
This version was the 'condensed' version that my friend could read easily.
I got a feeling she'd lose interest pretty quick if I wrote it as I had desired.
As for the 'extended version' I made -I was planning to tie it in with another short story I wrote- it got lost pretty quickly inside all the documents I rarely used- I may have to dig it up sometime and replace this one... Although, I might have to finish it as well... *sigh* TT_TT
thanks though, your review was spot on