So uh. This ones kinda based on someone I know (a switch of names of course)
It's err >_> pretty old, definately bitter and I don't really remember when I wrote it, but I'm sure a few changes are needed. Thanks for reading ppl :)
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Once upon a time there was an Evil Scientist and her Egor.
Evil scientist had complete control over her servant, Egor. She committed an unspeakable number of plans with Egor at her side. But like every Evil Scientist saw Egor as a tool to be used.
Egor however had a different theory.
Egor was naive and childlike, she did all Evil Scientist demanded because she loved her Evil Scientist. No matter what plan Evil Scientist drew, whatever the consequences or what would happen to Egor had she disobeyed, she believed Evil scientist would one day change and soon come to love her too.
Until that day, she would always put Evil Scientist first. Unfortunate Egor did not realize that Evil Scientist would never do for Egor what she would do for Evil Scientist.
Evil Scientist did many wicked things with Egor’s help and even did wicked things to Egor.
Yet every crime Evil Scientist committed was forgotten, because Egor loved Evil Scientist too much.
One day, Evil Scientist and Egor were rebelling against a powerful Magician, who instead of fighting back offered them a wish. But the Magician warned Evil Scientist and Egor that only one of their wishes could be granted, and that one of them must choose who.
Evil Scientist assumed Egor would give up her wish. But Egor had never in her life truly accomplished something for herself and Egor’s wish could only be granted by the Magician. As soon as Egor made the wish in her heart, the Magician granted it, refusing Evil Scientists wish.
Egor’s wish was to be sent to the hometown near family in an entirely different world. Away from the horror of all that was Evil Scientist's world. Egor was bewildered. She had barely had time to blink before being sent to the world she was in, she couldn't even say goodbye to Evil Scientist. Egor felt wretched with guilt for what she had done, but that was before Egor saw the utopia in front of her.
Egor was so happy. She smiled more and more each day and hoped she could share her happiness with Evil Scientist. After a few months through a magical portal she visited her. Egor shared with her the accomplishments she’d made and told her of the many new friends Egor had.
She told Evil Scientist of the funny magical Doll, fashioned in expensive silk that said “Boo!” and made her laugh. She told about the beautiful childlike Princess of Riritesia who could not be bothered waiting for a Prince and charged headstrong to find her own true love. She spoke of the meek Genius trusted with the keys to the talent chests of the entire Kingdom and sold musical notes at the market. But Evil Scientist was not happy with Egor’s happiness. Evil Scientist was appalled at her slave. She made every visit as unpleasant as possible and would make her feel guilty for ever being happy and did many hurtful things to Egor to spoil that happiness.
But every wish must end. Soon Egor found herself in trouble. Egor was intelligent and even more talented then she had dreamed, but she did not gain nor have the independence she needed to simply pay her taxes. Her happiness had blinded her to the debt to which she had to pay. Unfortunately in order to compensate her taxes, Egor had to give back her wish and Egor was sent back to the Lab.
When Egor came back to Evil Scientist, Egor was sad. She was sad that she had not paid her taxes and missed her friends, but found some comfort being close to the two quirky fairy twins, even more comfort from the Magician who had granted her wish. But as an intelligent mind, she eventually remembered the many things Evil Scientist had done and knew them to be wrong. Things between Egor and Evil Scientist became... tense.
Egor tried harder and harder to forget, but Evil Scientist said things that made her feel poorly, as if by habit. Egor began to avoid her. Scientist did want Egor back… but this time as a friend. Evil Scientist had actually missed the company of Egor and looked forward to seeing her again. But Egor did not know and couldn’t know for sure that Evil Scientist didn’t want her back as a servant. Just as Evil Scientist didn’t know of the hatred Egor had growing in her for her Master and who would never remember things she would do and had done simply to hurt people she loved. Egor’s love deteriorated.
Few months later, Egor was a changed person.
Her anger had turned to hate and soon, Egor became evil. At some point Evil Scientist realized.
She had lost not just her servant, but a friend. A dear one that should have been treasured. The Scientist knew no deed could bring Egor back and simply left, not knowing how to gain Egor’s love back and not bothering to try...
Egor became more evil every day and soon her hatred burned out her love.
Evil Egor became more and more like the Evil Scientist once was, soon she forgot to care. She hurt her faerie friends and in return they would bite her and flee her presence. She spurned the magician whenever she pleased, but could still feel the guilt that would come afterwards. Her friends in the otherworld she did not contact, as she wanted to be remembered as she once was.
Evil Egor was sorry she had done evil things and wished to have her old self back, the Egor whose love overpowered hatred, forgave those who had hurt her and who loved even those who hated her.
But you can only have one wish.
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Hey imyourdensity!

Just stopped by to have a quick look at your story here.
I quite liked this, it was pretty original. I thought to begin with that it was just going to be a children's story but then as I got to the end it got darker and I enjoyed the fact that it was written in this children's story way but was dealing with quite dark undertones.
At the beginning I got a little tired of the constant Evil Scientist and Egor. It was nearly happening every setence and whilst it does add to the children's story vibe, I just started to find it really grating. I'm not sure how you could fix that. Use more she's and her's I suppose, just try to mix it up a little.
And the only other point I have is that I felt that sometimes there was unneccessary extra details. Like the taxes part or just adding in about the fairies. I think you need to stream line this as much as possible because the more details you throw in, the more confusing it gets. I think probably sticking as much to Egor and Evil Scientist would help with this as their friendship is at the centre of the story.
I hope that was helpful! If you have any questions then feel free to PM me
Bex x
Hey there!
I really liked this story. I can somehow guess what really happened originally, but you were able to weave a story about this which I find wonderful.
Egor here to seems to be the protagonist who is naive and has childlike innocence at first but after hardships her heart turns into stone and she changes for the worst. I like how the change happens here though. It's gradual but in the end you can see the difference in Egor's character.
The Evil Scientist doesn't really come across as evil. In fact the period of the story which the Evil Scientist is described most is when the Evil Scientist actually changes for the better. I would have liked to see more of the evilness in the earlier parts of the story, and not just descriptions of what happened.
Both Egor and the Evil Scientist were granted wishes. And it was that part of the story I felt that was too fast paced. The wishing part was over in a few sentences, and the period which Egor spent in her utopia was also not described too much. You focused too much on the relationship between Egor and Evil Scientist and somehow the rest is lacking. I understand the main purpose of this story is the relationship, but as the reader I want to see more too.
Hope my review helped!
Wow. I really enjoyed reading this. The pace was brisk and I want to know what happened to Egor. You had good characterization. However just as we got to know the characters they changed. Unfortunately nobody changes heart that quickly. Evil Scientist becomes good and remorseful in the space of a paragraph. Egor turns evil within a short time too then she gets sad about it and wants to become good again! So...the pace might be a bit too brisk. Anyhow good writing and I hope you write a follow up to this story so I can see what happens!